Woman Makes Out with Married Man in Bar & Then Tells the Wife


kissMy female friends and I are sometimes faced with a dilemma: A married man or a man in a relationship has hit on us or we know a married man is cheating. And we wonder whether or not to "warn" his wife or girlfriend. We usually don't. And I'll tell you why. We figure the guy is going to deny everything, the woman is going to believe him, and then we've gotten ourselves into a big mess for nothing.

Like a lot of women I know, I've been hit on by married men. One even spent an hour at a party proudly showing me pictures of his newborn, only to email me the next day asking me on a date. Did I track down his wife and tell her? No. I just didn't email him back, felt sorry for the wife, and hoped his behavior was some kind of anomaly. But one woman, author Delaine Moore, decided to tell the wife after she found out the guy she'd made out with in a bar was married. And you will be surprised what happened next.

Last year, Moore met a man at a bar and spent eight hours drinking, flirting, and yes, kissing him. A day later, she found out the dude was married. Unlike me and my friends, she tracked down the wife and let her know what happened. Then she wrote about it. Wrongly, much of the blame and judgment was cast on HER, not the husband. She was called a "home wrecker" and a "woman with anger issues."

But Moore had also once been a wife and mother who'd been cheated on, and she wished someone had told HER. So she told this woman. Surprisingly, the woman believed her. But Moore remained "plagued" by doubts about her reveal -- wondering if she should have said anything.

A year later, Moore decided to write to the wife again and ask if she "hated her." Frankly, I would have left the poor woman alone at this point. But the wife wrote back, and she was shockingly forthright. Not only that, she was grateful.

Said the wife:

I'm still glad that you told me. I've become a much stronger woman since last year, making decisions that are good for me and my future, including working part-time. I'm speaking my mind a lot more with "Brian" around a lot of issues. And he, in turn, has become a much better husband than ever -- supportive, communicative, and a lot more mellowed out.

I think ignorance is not bliss. I would rather know than not, because then I cannot be a victim and say I had no idea what he was, or is capable of.

The wife also says that while her "eyes are wide open," she is "happier" with her husband than ever before. It looks like this incident forced the couple to grapple with some issues.

I still don't know if I'd tell. If I slept with a guy who I thought was single, I'd definitely tell the wife. But I'd still be conflicted about reporting a kiss or flirty email. However, if the woman were a friend of mine, and I found out her man was cheating -- I'd tell her in a hot second. Even if that meant losing my friend.

Would you tell?

Image via David Martin Hunt/Flickr

breakups, cheating, lying, marriage


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Water... Water_geM

yes i would..especially cases where you have tangible evidence.

Kritika Kritika

Too long of a story but yes I have let a complete stranger know (I was friends with her fiance on fb) what her fiance was up to and she wrote back and thanked me for letting her know, that it's not very often people go out of their way to do nice things anymore, they worked through his issues etc. I felt good about my decision and I'm glad she was grateful.

I also have an acquaintance whos husband cheated on her multiple times and I couldn't stand it anymore and emailed her annonymously to let her know, with details. She disappeard from facebook for a while then came back. They then got married and we hear in a status every other update about what an amazing husband he is. I feel both sorry and embarassed for her because everyone knew but no one would say anything because her husband was a popular college athelete at the time. Oh well.

LostS... LostSoul88

I would tell the wife or girlfriend. I wish someone would have told me.

Kritika Kritika

^^ I hear you, LostSoul88. That's why I did what I did.

If someone came to me about my husband I would kindly thank them for the tip and do my own investigating before I confronted him.

nonmember avatar B

I'm kind of in this situation myself and it almost makes me feel like I'm part of a lame soap opera. My fiance's sister and I went out for drinks the other night and she pretty much confessed all her sins to me. She told me that she had cheated on her husband with one of my fiance's friends, just recently. That in itself is bad but it gets so much uglier. My soon-to-be sister-in-law is going to be one of my bridesmaids. The girlfriend of the person she cheated with is also going to be one of my bridesmaids. My soon-to-be sister-in-law's husband is going to be one of my fiance's groomsmen, and the man she cheated with is also going to be a groomsmen. So here was my dilemma. I have the inability to keep literally anything from my fiance so of course I told him what his sister confided in me. Now I feel like I betrayed her trust but even worse is that I'm worried my fiance is going to say something to someone about it. When I told him he was so infuriated not only at his sister but at his friend. Duh! The real victim I believe here is his friend's girlfriend and his sister's husband and I don't want to destroy anyone's relationship. But at the same time it's going to be incredibly awkward having all these people on the altar with me when I know these disgusting secrets :( If anyone finds out I'm pretty sure we won't have a wedding party!

Kelly... KellyBSchrute

I like to try and live by the ole' do-unto-others rule---so, yes, I would tell. I would want to be told, myself.

Stacey. Stacey.

My SO had a guy friend who lived one street over from us. I knew this guy friend was living with his girlfriend as my SO went over there all the time and friended both of them. Well, one day this guy friend came over to our house just so another girl could pick him up. I didnt know who this girl was so I minded my business. Then, another time by boyfriend told me that he was coming over again, and confirmed this mystery girl was someone he was hooking up with on the down low. ALl the while, his girlfriend whom he lived with was texting me asking me if her boyfriend was there. I then told her the truth, that he had been coming over just so another girl could pick him up. She thanked me for the info, and that was that. As far as I know, they are still together. My boyfriend was pissed, because that was his "friend" but I cant let something happen in my house I dont agree with.

Kritika Kritika

B the only advice I can give is at this point your loyalty is to family - your future sister-in-law is your family. I wouldn't tell on her.

the4m... the4mutts

I would want to know. So I would also tell a friend if their SO was cheating.

But, I have friends who cheated, and I did NOT tell their SO. I wasn't friends with the SOs. I did advise my friends on ending 1 or the other, but ultimately my loyalty is to my friends. Even if they're in the wrong.

nonmember avatar B

I feel like right now I do not want to tell anyone and I really regret even telling my fiance. In retrospect, learning that your sister is kind of skanky is bad enough but learning that your friend is fooling around with your sister is even worse. So I feel like I should have just kept my mouth shut completely. I am worried that he will say something to someone, probably his friend, confront him about it. I told him to promise me he wouldn't tell anyone because in my opinion, in a situation like this, no good will come out of it at all. A marriage will probably end and friendships will be broken and family will be torn apart. I just think that if people do wrong they will ultimately pay in one way or another and it's not my place to get involved, especially when I have a personal relationship with each and every person involved in it.

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