My wedding dayNext month I’ll celebrate my tenth wedding anniversary. I’m 29. Yup, I was a teenage bride, and before you ask, no, I was not knocked up. It’s a cultural anomaly to get married so young these days, forgoing the wild ‘discover yourself at the end of a beer bong while wearing a wet T-shirt to show off your still perky breasts’ years, but it’s a decision I’ve never regretted.
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There’s an article out in the Huffington Post by Jennifer Nagy highlighting her failed marriage and the failed marriages of her friends as the basis for raising the legal age for entering matrimony to 25. She writes:
People under the age of 25 are still discovering themselves; they are figuring out what is most important in their lives. They are discovering the joys (and heartache) of being in a relationship, and then the partying that often characterizes life between relationships.
24-year-old Steven Crowder (who’s marrying his lovely-on-the-inside-and-out fiancée in August, by the way) hit the nail on the head with his response to Nagy’s narcissistic ramblings:
Let me see. Today I am somebody who seeks to be the best believer, husband, father, businessman and man of integrity that I can be. Looking back, when I was fourteen, I aspired to… be the best believer, husband, father, businessman and man of integrity that I can be.
What is this obsession with discovering yourself and finding out what is important in life? Where are the core values of integrity, honesty, responsibility, and kindness? Ms. Nagy thinks it’s impossible to know at 21 what you’ll want when you’re 29, and in part, she’s right. When I was 21, I didn’t know how many kids I’d eventually want, where I’d be living, or exactly what I’d be doing professionally. But those are all peripheral circumstances, not who I am.
Probability of divorce has less to do with what age a person gets married than their reasons for getting married in the first place. Ms. Nagy says that she got married after dating her boyfriend for five years because it was just the thing to do. When the excitement of the wedding was over, she and her new husband had no idea where to go from there.
Getting married because it’s the thing to do is not a good reason to tie the knot. A wedding is a day; a marriage should be a lifetime. It doesn’t matter if you’re 18 or 85, understanding that marriage is ultimately about sharing your life with another person through all the highs and the lows is a much better place to start than because your relationship has reached a plateau and it seems like the next logical step.
Ms. Nagy doubts that people that get married young can make it long-term because puppy love doesn’t last forever. Of course it doesn’t. Over the years the butterflies melt into something different, something better, something more. When I think back to my wedding day almost ten years ago, I realize I barely knew my husband. But I knew what marriage was, and he and I made a commitment to love, honor, and cherish one another until death parts us.
I have grown up this past decade. I’ve done it with my best friend and life partner right by my side. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, let alone for a decade of self-discovery through partying.
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Comments 156
With that being said I think this argument is ridiculous, setting limits to when and who can get married is what I find wrong with people today. Who am I or any of us to say when it's right for someone? Part of growing up or discovering ourselves is learning compassion and compromises and making mistakes. Now I'm not saying marriages are mistakes but if it is that is their lesson in life and their choice to do so. I cannot stand how everyone feels it is their place to judge and try to control everyone around them into their way. If it works for you great but all of us have our own unique journey in life and that's what is so amazing. I appreciate being me and different from others and I respect other people being themselves and having different thoughts from me. This is how I am able to grow and learn new things. Btw I've been married for 11 years and feel I've grown more with him than I would've without him. I also supported him when he went to college and got a good paying career. I think I covered everything I wanted to say lol.
At 10, I wanted to be a wife and mother. At 12, still, a wife and mother. At 14, I would tell people I wanted to be a massage therapist. Still, really wanted to be a wife and mother. At 16, I started preparing for college, to be a massage therapist. At 18, I dropped out of college, because I didn't want to be a massage therapist. At 20: I am a wife, a mother, and the happiest I've ever been. I'm also back in school to be... a marriage and child therapist. I discovered myself when I became a bride just past my 19th birthday, then a mother just a few months later. No amount of partying and soul searching would have shown me that.
I have been with my husband for 7 and a half years. We have 4 kidlets, We were together all of about 3 days before we started telling people we were married. It depends on the people and if they know what they want out of life, If your priority is partying it up sleeping with alot of people your not ready for the commitment of marriage. Age does not matter, it depend on how mature you are and how much you love that other person.