My wedding dayNext month I’ll celebrate my tenth wedding anniversary. I’m 29. Yup, I was a teenage bride, and before you ask, no, I was not knocked up. It’s a cultural anomaly to get married so young these days, forgoing the wild ‘discover yourself at the end of a beer bong while wearing a wet T-shirt to show off your still perky breasts’ years, but it’s a decision I’ve never regretted.
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There’s an article out in the Huffington Post by Jennifer Nagy highlighting her failed marriage and the failed marriages of her friends as the basis for raising the legal age for entering matrimony to 25. She writes:
People under the age of 25 are still discovering themselves; they are figuring out what is most important in their lives. They are discovering the joys (and heartache) of being in a relationship, and then the partying that often characterizes life between relationships.
24-year-old Steven Crowder (who’s marrying his lovely-on-the-inside-and-out fiancée in August, by the way) hit the nail on the head with his response to Nagy’s narcissistic ramblings:
Let me see. Today I am somebody who seeks to be the best believer, husband, father, businessman and man of integrity that I can be. Looking back, when I was fourteen, I aspired to… be the best believer, husband, father, businessman and man of integrity that I can be.
What is this obsession with discovering yourself and finding out what is important in life? Where are the core values of integrity, honesty, responsibility, and kindness? Ms. Nagy thinks it’s impossible to know at 21 what you’ll want when you’re 29, and in part, she’s right. When I was 21, I didn’t know how many kids I’d eventually want, where I’d be living, or exactly what I’d be doing professionally. But those are all peripheral circumstances, not who I am.
Probability of divorce has less to do with what age a person gets married than their reasons for getting married in the first place. Ms. Nagy says that she got married after dating her boyfriend for five years because it was just the thing to do. When the excitement of the wedding was over, she and her new husband had no idea where to go from there.
Getting married because it’s the thing to do is not a good reason to tie the knot. A wedding is a day; a marriage should be a lifetime. It doesn’t matter if you’re 18 or 85, understanding that marriage is ultimately about sharing your life with another person through all the highs and the lows is a much better place to start than because your relationship has reached a plateau and it seems like the next logical step.
Ms. Nagy doubts that people that get married young can make it long-term because puppy love doesn’t last forever. Of course it doesn’t. Over the years the butterflies melt into something different, something better, something more. When I think back to my wedding day almost ten years ago, I realize I barely knew my husband. But I knew what marriage was, and he and I made a commitment to love, honor, and cherish one another until death parts us.
I have grown up this past decade. I’ve done it with my best friend and life partner right by my side. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, let alone for a decade of self-discovery through partying.
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Comments 156
My husband and I just recently celebrated our 20th wedding Anniversary. We got married 2 weeks after he turned 18 and I was already 19. I will say that yes it can work. There are those people who are definately ready at that age. I was. To be honest, my husband still had some growing and maturing to do.We have had a few years that were absolute hell on me. We stayed together and worked it out. So few want to put that effort into their marriges anymore.
I recently was having this same discussion not long ago with a neighbor. We were saying that the problem isn't how hard it is to get married but how easy it is to get divorced. People get married on the whim or because "its the thing to do" all the time anymore. Why? Why Not? After all if it doesn't work, you can go out and get a divorce easy enough. Why not make it harder to get a divorce in this country? I mean come on, we are going to tell our soldiers who we deem mature enough to go over seas and lay their lives down for our country that, "Sorry you just aren't mature enough to decide to be married."
Agree. I got married at 21 and still partied with my husband. We didn't have any children for another 5 years.
*applause*
I am 22 almost 23 I have been with my husband for 7 almost 8 years I met him when I was 15. We have had our ups and downs but we love each other and the family we have created. We have four amazing children. I wouldn't trade a day with them for all the partying and beer pong in the world. We have to work hard every day to make sure we don't lose sight of why we got together in the first place but all of that hard work has paid off. I think young marriages can work if both people know what they are getting into. And if they are both willing to work hard and compromise.
I got married young the first time it was a so awful we grew up and realized we wanted such different things it ended so badly , we both did not have the maturity to handle divorce .
I have two teenage girls told them wait till they are out of school and settled in jobs they love and be able to handle being an adult marriage should be forever not till I meet someone better
My second marrige I was older and more comfortable with my own skin and had the maturity to give it my all 21 yrs later still married
This is America...This proposed law is nuts...Control your own life, not others. Find a hobby to the person that proposes this. So a person could 18. die for this country so we can have the freedoms we do, but not be able to ,arry the person they love? Wow....People are regressing...
I was a little older but younger than 25. I married at 22. Assuming there are no people out there who can handle marriage at a young age when throughout history we have seen otherwise...is clearly wrong. My parents let all three of their girls marry when we felt we had found "the one". I was 22, my sister was 20 and my youngest sister was 21. All of us are happily married and celebrate 21 years, 20 years, and 14 years this August. We understood that marriage is a lifetime partnership...not a one day wedding event.
I believe I could have married younger, I felt ready to be a wife and mother by the time I was 18, I just hadn't met my man yet.
our grandpartents got married that young. most of the people that i know who are like in their 80's or 90's have been married since they were so young and stayed married. just because it is no longer the norm- now for people to get degrees and have a steady job, does not mean that it is not possible. i you find the person that you love a lot and want to spend your rest of life to gether, then you should get married.