My wedding dayNext month I’ll celebrate my tenth wedding anniversary. I’m 29. Yup, I was a teenage bride, and before you ask, no, I was not knocked up. It’s a cultural anomaly to get married so young these days, forgoing the wild ‘discover yourself at the end of a beer bong while wearing a wet T-shirt to show off your still perky breasts’ years, but it’s a decision I’ve never regretted.
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There’s an article out in the Huffington Post by Jennifer Nagy highlighting her failed marriage and the failed marriages of her friends as the basis for raising the legal age for entering matrimony to 25. She writes:
People under the age of 25 are still discovering themselves; they are figuring out what is most important in their lives. They are discovering the joys (and heartache) of being in a relationship, and then the partying that often characterizes life between relationships.
24-year-old Steven Crowder (who’s marrying his lovely-on-the-inside-and-out fiancée in August, by the way) hit the nail on the head with his response to Nagy’s narcissistic ramblings:
Let me see. Today I am somebody who seeks to be the best believer, husband, father, businessman and man of integrity that I can be. Looking back, when I was fourteen, I aspired to… be the best believer, husband, father, businessman and man of integrity that I can be.
What is this obsession with discovering yourself and finding out what is important in life? Where are the core values of integrity, honesty, responsibility, and kindness? Ms. Nagy thinks it’s impossible to know at 21 what you’ll want when you’re 29, and in part, she’s right. When I was 21, I didn’t know how many kids I’d eventually want, where I’d be living, or exactly what I’d be doing professionally. But those are all peripheral circumstances, not who I am.
Probability of divorce has less to do with what age a person gets married than their reasons for getting married in the first place. Ms. Nagy says that she got married after dating her boyfriend for five years because it was just the thing to do. When the excitement of the wedding was over, she and her new husband had no idea where to go from there.
Getting married because it’s the thing to do is not a good reason to tie the knot. A wedding is a day; a marriage should be a lifetime. It doesn’t matter if you’re 18 or 85, understanding that marriage is ultimately about sharing your life with another person through all the highs and the lows is a much better place to start than because your relationship has reached a plateau and it seems like the next logical step.
Ms. Nagy doubts that people that get married young can make it long-term because puppy love doesn’t last forever. Of course it doesn’t. Over the years the butterflies melt into something different, something better, something more. When I think back to my wedding day almost ten years ago, I realize I barely knew my husband. But I knew what marriage was, and he and I made a commitment to love, honor, and cherish one another until death parts us.
I have grown up this past decade. I’ve done it with my best friend and life partner right by my side. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, let alone for a decade of self-discovery through partying.
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Comments 156
Everyone I've ever known that was raised with the dogma of religion was married very young. Isn't it mandatory for any expectation to abide by the no-sex-before-marriage rule??
I think a law saying you had to be 25 is crazy. I mean my sister is 21, she just graduated and got a new job making great money. She just got engaged , and her husband is in school to be a police officer . They've been dating on and off for 5 years .
Btw she's not knocked up either , I don't know if she'll ever have kids.
Who cares what age people get married at , it's not your life to tell someone else when to ge married. .
My husband and I married at 18 and 21. We are happily married almost ten years later. He joined the Air Force a few months before we got married, and we spent the first five years of our married life in Japan. This cemented our bond in a way that most people don't understand. When you're away from home, and must work your issues out by yourselves, and especially when you're alone in a foreign country and have to learn on your OWN. We are more in love, more passionate about each other and life, and happier than we were ten years ago.
Oh brother. The controversy between young marriage makes me physically ill. Lets see, when I was 13, I wanted to be a wife and a mother. When I was 19, I wanted to be a wife, mother, and special ed teacher. I got pregnant at 18, and got married at 19. NO, not because I was pregnant, but because I love my husband and he is the only mand for me. When I was 18, I didn't party. I went to a club, twice. The only "youthful" thing I did was go to a hookah bar, where I pretty much met my husband. So if that was "enjoying my youth". Wow, that was really boring.
My life, is SO much more fun with a 20 month old and someone that I can hang out and have a good time with. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I don't understand this crazy desire for everyone to regulate everyone else. Ban pajamas in public! Can't get married until you're 25! Take a test before you can become a parent! How about everybody just minds their own freaking business? Jeez. We're already over-regulated to the point where none of us are really free anymore.
I also got married at 19, hubs was 18, we will celebrate 22 years next month and I do'n't have a single regret!!
My husband and I got married right out of high school and in August we will be cebrating 28 years of marriage. Yes we have had to work at it but it was worth it.