Married Mormon Man With 3 Kids Says He's Gay but Has Great Sex With Wife

Say What!? 25

Sexuality is a complex thing, and different for everyone. We'd like to think it's all Fifty Shades of Grey-esque screaming, acrobatic sex, but there's a reason that's fiction. In real life, the sexual map of a couple can be all over the place. And for Mormon Josh Weed and his wife, Lolly, his homosexuality doesn't mean not having an enjoyable, robust and monogamous heterosexual sex life. Confused? I am, but let's soldier on ...

Josh Weed is a devoted Mormon from Auburn, Washington, who posted on his blog about being a married homosexual with three children.

Unlike a lot of married homosexuals, Josh's wife knows all about his being gay. In fact, she has known since before they were married. This sort of arrangement isn't that uncommon, and used to be accepted more than it would be now, when explosive sexual fireworks have become what is marketed to us as the foundation of any successful relationship. But today it's unusual to find a man willing to admit that: a) he is religious but homosexual, b) he is monogamously married to a woman but homosexual, c) he enjoys having sex with his wife but is homosexual.

Naturally, people are saying that Josh and Lolly are in denial. Or that they don't know what they are missing. And yet ... they both claim to be perfectly happy and MAYBE THEY ARE. For eons, people got married before they had sex. Marriage can be based on much more than sexual attraction -- in fact, even the most sparky sexual attraction dies out eventually. It's really only in the past few decades that sexual fulfillment has become top priority in a marriage. Do I personally want a relationship with little or no sexual attraction? No. Not for me personally. But who am I to tell others what their marriage should be about?

What I find refreshing about Josh Wells is that he says he is not bisexual. That he is NOT attracted to women at all. Which means he is NOT attracted to his wife. But they have sex anyway.

Says Josh:

Some might assume that because I'm married to a woman, I must be bisexual. Sexual orientation is defined by attraction, not by experience. In my case, I am attracted sexually to men. Period. I've never been turned on by a Victoria's Secret commercial in my entire life.

How he goes about this I'm not quite sure, but I assume there's fantasy involved -- and he must have a rather easy time with erections. This isn't for everyone!

I admire Josh's candor. If you read his blog, he comes across as extremely likable. And key thing here: Josh wasn't lying to or cheating on his wife. Josh's wife knows what the deal is, and even knew BEFORE she married him.

I am, however, concerned that Josh's arrangement might encourage other, less honest, married homosexuals to stay in the closet. They might think, "Oh, it works for him, so it will work for me." But it only WORKS for Josh because his wife made the CHOICE to be married to him. Unfortunately, not every gay person gives their spouse that choice.

What do you think of Josh Weed?

Image via Robert Stinnett/Flickr

in the news, marriage, sexuality


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nonmember avatar kaerae

I feel so sorry for this poor man who's been taught to be someone he isn't. I hope someday he can stop this nonsense and be who he is. You can hear in his blog how hard he's trying to convince himself that it's all sad

Pinst... Pinstripes4

Many homosexuals centuries ago got married and fathered children so they can have heirs, but still had male lovers. Traditionally, marriage was often just for this purpose: making legitimate offspring to carry on the the family name. I still prefer the fairly recent romanticized view of marriage that puts love and happiness at the center. Josh Weed says he's happy, so I believe him. I wouldn't want to be his wife though, even though she knew what she was getting into.

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

I wish there was a mirror on my monitor so I could see the look on my own face while reading this article.......O.o Seriously. Odd.

yayhe... yayheadstart

poor mormans- can't even be so sad.

babyg... babygonzales08

I looked at his blog and clicked on his "about me" says he is a marriage and family therapist. Wow...just wow.

Juliet Jeske

If this was their arrangement before they got married then good for them. If the wife knew what she was getting into, she is far better off than the vast majority of straight spouses. I know of another couple that has done very well with a similar set-up for nearly two decades. They also have two very happy children. But I don't think this works for most people. And I wouldn't call them a great example of suppressing homosexuality. It works for them...great...but so do some open marriages, and most people couldn't handle that either. Marriage is different things to different people, if they can make it work good for them, but deep down I really worry for his wife.

nonmember avatar Julie

Ugh... this is a tough one! I do believe they are being sincere in the fact they are happy and made the choice... good for them in that regard. But I wonder how often the thought goes through the wife's mind of how much better sex would be with a man who was ATTRACTED to her and WANTED her.

tbruc... tbrucemom

I'm curious as to if he's truly faithful to his wife.  I don't understand if he's attracted to men how he could keep himself from being with one. I also think he can say whatever he wants but he's bisexual. It's beyond odd to me, but it's their life.

hh0y13 hh0y13

This is a hard comment for me to write - but my husband is not attracted to me either.  He has flat out told me so.  It is not because of being gay or anything  - it is because I am overweight.  I was overweight when we got married.  He knew going into our marriage that I was not going to be what he was "attracted" to.  But, we still have sex.  We have 3 children - they youngest is only 1 year old. 

If you read the whole blog article - he correctly points out that sex should not only be about attraction - it is about intamacy and love.  You can love someone and not be physically attracted to them.  You can be physically attracted to someone, but not love them. 

This man has chosen a marriage of love over a marriage of physical attraction.  Good for him.

nonmember avatar zizzler

As a gay man without a hetero bone in my body, I think I could handle the physical side of a relationship with a woman, but not the social/emotional part. I just CAN'T see a woman as a romantic interest. Anyways, he's probably faithful to his wife. Not all people need to fullfil their exact preferences, and who knows what kind of system they have worked out to address that.

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