Sexuality is a complex thing, and different for everyone. We'd like to think it's all Fifty Shades of Grey-esque screaming, acrobatic sex, but there's a reason that's fiction. In real life, the sexual map of a couple can be all over the place. And for Mormon Josh Weed and his wife, Lolly, his homosexuality doesn't mean not having an enjoyable, robust and monogamous heterosexual sex life. Confused? I am, but let's soldier on ...
Unlike a lot of married homosexuals, Josh's wife knows all about his being gay. In fact, she has known since before they were married. This sort of arrangement isn't that uncommon, and used to be accepted more than it would be now, when explosive sexual fireworks have become what is marketed to us as the foundation of any successful relationship. But today it's unusual to find a man willing to admit that: a) he is religious but homosexual, b) he is monogamously married to a woman but homosexual, c) he enjoys having sex with his wife but is homosexual.
Naturally, people are saying that Josh and Lolly are in denial. Or that they don't know what they are missing. And yet ... they both claim to be perfectly happy and MAYBE THEY ARE. For eons, people got married before they had sex. Marriage can be based on much more than sexual attraction -- in fact, even the most sparky sexual attraction dies out eventually. It's really only in the past few decades that sexual fulfillment has become top priority in a marriage. Do I personally want a relationship with little or no sexual attraction? No. Not for me personally. But who am I to tell others what their marriage should be about?
What I find refreshing about Josh Wells is that he says he is not bisexual. That he is NOT attracted to women at all. Which means he is NOT attracted to his wife. But they have sex anyway.
Some might assume that because I'm married to a woman, I must be bisexual. Sexual orientation is defined by attraction, not by experience. In my case, I am attracted sexually to men. Period. I've never been turned on by a Victoria's Secret commercial in my entire life.
How he goes about this I'm not quite sure, but I assume there's fantasy involved -- and he must have a rather easy time with erections. This isn't for everyone!
I admire Josh's candor. If you read his blog, he comes across as extremely likable. And key thing here: Josh wasn't lying to or cheating on his wife. Josh's wife knows what the deal is, and even knew BEFORE she married him.
I am, however, concerned that Josh's arrangement might encourage other, less honest, married homosexuals to stay in the closet. They might think, "Oh, it works for him, so it will work for me." But it only WORKS for Josh because his wife made the CHOICE to be married to him. Unfortunately, not every gay person gives their spouse that choice.
What do you think of Josh Weed?
Image via Robert Stinnett/Flickr