There Is No Such Thing as a 'Perfect Marriage'

I just returned from a rejuvenating weekend away with my husband of nine years. We make it a point to do at least one long weekend away every six months or so, but on our anniversary, we always do it up right.

We spent our time napping, reading in bed, sleeping late, doing puzzles at our B&B, eating five-star meals, taking tea, and hiking and zip-lining in the forest. It was pure bliss. I strongly believe that marriages, especially long ones with young kids, need these recharges every once in a while.

Whether it's a date night or weekends away, most couples need to do some work to keep their relationships fresh. Sorry, but there is no such thing as a "perfect" marriage.

This was recently discussed in the community section of CafeMom, and most agreed that perfection in marriage is a myth. When a marriage looks perfect, most of the time what you are really seeing is work, commitment, and creativity.

I get this all the time from people: "You and your husband seem so perfect and happy." We are happy. But we aren't perfect. We fight and argue. But when it comes down to it, we started from a good place -- we were madly in love -- and we work to maintain that. Most of all, we enjoy each other's company. We need time alone to chat and laugh and just be together, apart from everyone else.

What you don't see is defeat. You don't see people who give up and divorce because they can't make it work. Sure, it takes two people to make a marriage work, but no one should enter a marriage expecting it to be perfect and easy.

If they do, they will be sorely disappointed. There are no free rides in marriage or in life. It's work and it's hard and that's all there is to it.

Most of those who want you to believe they are in perfect marriages are secretly miserable. The rest of us will admit it takes work. It takes a lot of compromise, a lot of mutual respect, and a lot of tending.

I always notice when my husband and I have gone too long without a date night or a weekend alone. We start to fight more and argue with one another. We snap and we ignore each other's needs.

We have found our way to recharge -- by traveling alone together, learning new activities (rock climbing, surfing, or zip-lining), or enjoying old ones (biking, working out together, eating good food, or seeing movies). That is what everyone needs.

Even if a weekend away every few months is out of the question, every marriage needs its own way to stay fresh. That is what makes it look "perfect." But trust me, there is no such thing.

Do you believe in a "perfect" marriage?




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Logan... LoganTroyMom

of course there's no perfect marriage. there is no perfect relationship, not parents, siblings, friends, neighbors.. duh. many times people get divorced because women are fed this fairy tale story and told they shouldn't "settle".. women assume that means a man neeeds to be PERFECT or they "deserve better".. even the best man isn't perfect. marriage includes knowing and dealing with your partners vices and less favorable traits. everybody has their dealbreaker yes, but i have seen women get divorced bc their otherwise wonderful husband had some minor thing they disliked.. and then they went on to marry abusive men! wtf?

you have to compromise and commit and work togetheer in a marriage. hell, sometimes you have to apologize when you aren't even wrong. if both people put 100% into a marriage it cannot fail.

jalaz77 jalaz77

No there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. I love this article cause it is true. I realized marriage was very easy the first year then it became work, bought a house, had kids, paying bill (aka student effing loans). I look at marriage like this, you start by a light hike then hit a steep hill for years, when the bills are payed off, kids are grown adults, whatever....then you are downhill on a flat road walking together...easy breezy. Maybe? So far that is how it feels to me, work, work, work, hard work. I am in it forever, but you hit me, cheat on me, or various other things I will walk away. We are both on the same page, admit when we are wrong and talk it out. There are going to be things you don't like about eachother, that is life but can you tolerate those things, ask yourself that before marriage.

nonmember avatar Nicole

You are extremely lucky that you have the time, money and resources to do that with your husband, and so often.

When you're enlisted miliary and your husband's gone all the time, you're always on a budget, and there's noone around to take care of your kids, a weekend away to recharge is near impossible.

Melis... Melissa042807

Oh goodness no! My husband and I have a very loving marriage, but it's FAR from perfect. When we disagree, we can fight like cats and dogs. And we also can tell when it's been too long since we've had some alone time to connect. Alone-time is precious right now, what with a toddler and a nursing infant and Husband working some evenings and weekends to make extra moolah. But we take whatever alone-time we can get, even if it's just laying on the couch watching the 10 o'clock news after the baby's late-evening feeding!

Momma... Momma2blessed

I agree with the article but not all of us have the time and resources... So we need to get creative but it's hard with very young kids and a hubby whose job takes him away alot (military too). I think of it as a season of difficulty right now with a toddler & a baby... I look forward and dream of a time to be able to rekindle the closeness when we can have date nights again!


Yes and no. You must first define a "perfect" marriage" once you have done that then you can form an opinion on if your marriage meets that criteria. Honestly a marriage that requires you spend time away isnt much of a marriage. When you married it was to spend the rest of your lives together, sperate vacations is not part of your vows or marriage expectations if your being honest. I like to feel my marriage is perfect in my view of a perfect marriage. Its not devoid of issues or problems but still perfect in my eyes and his. So I disagree with the Author if for no other reason that the author does not describe what a perfect marriage is so I can look more honestly at it.

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