Follow The Stir

Love & Sex

OMG

What to Do When Your Kids Catch You Having Sex

by Andrew Kardon on June 8, 2012 at 2:10 PM

Girl in bedWe've all been there. Don't pretend you haven't. You're lying in bed with your spouse. Finally, some alone time. Seems like it's been weeks building up to this magical moment. No distractions. No phone calls. No work. Just the two of you caught in each other's arms, your lips locked in a passionate embrace.

You've never felt so in tune as you do right at that moment. Your bodies couldn't be closer and any conversations you started earlier have quickly been replaced by moaning, heavy breathing, and ...

"Mommy, what are you and Daddy doing?"

Uh, yeah. Nothing snaps you out of the mood like Kiddus Interruptus. Someone forgot to lock the bedroom door, didn't they?

The big question is, what do you say to your children when they catch you in the act? Do you cover yourself in a sheet, scream, and run to the bathroom? Do you say you were both having a crazy nightmare and it was hot so you're sleeping naked? Or do you tell the little buggers the truth, potentially scarring their puppy dog eyes for life?

The first time it happened to my wife and me, we tried to act completely natural and told our son we were "just wrestling." He looked at us, confused. Then upset. His lower lip starting quivering and then ... then came the waterworks. We're talking full-on hysterics. Every possible "you are a bad parent" scenario ran through my mind. He's angry we lied to him. He's scared or confused at what he really saw. He thinks I was hurting Mommy. Nope. I was wrong. He just wanted to wrestle too.

You'd think we would've learned from that little incident. But no, passion doesn't give a crap about past experience. It wants some now.

The next time we were busted was a little different. It was late at night, with the lights down low and music playing softly in the background. This time my wife was on top, topless. We were again completely lost in the moment. And that's when we heard it.

"Mommy, why are you naked?"

The little stinker had somehow snuck into our room without us even hearing a peep. Like a ninja, he just popped up out of nowhere, catching us with our pants down. Or should I say shirts off. We steered clear of any mention of wrestling and somehow distracted him long enough to cover up and send him back to his room. But man, talk about a traumatizing event. I don't think we'll ever fully recover.

Since our passion seems to give us bedroom-door-locking amnesia, I swear we need to put a bell around our little guy's neck. At this rate, it's the only way we're ever going to get some without being caught in the act by a 6-year-old.

Have your kids ever caught you having sex?


Image via Vanina W./Flickr

Filed Under: sex

Comments

35
  • Rhond...
    --

    RhondaVeggie

    June 8, 2012 at 2:39 PM
    I say "dude, go watch some TV or something." He knows that's code for mom and dad private time.
  • Megan
    -- Nonmember comment from

    Megan

    June 8, 2012 at 3:13 PM
    Caught our first time this week by my 5 year old. We are remodeling the bedroom and have been sleeping on the living room floor. The girls are never awake before us, so we woke up early that day and immediately went to business. Thinking we were free to do as we pleased, we did some extra 'foreplay' and finished up. He walked naked into the kitchen for a minute and when he came back and laid down with me, suddenly we hear maniacal laughter and my daughters head pops up from behind the couch... she had woken up early and came in and was sitting behind the couch the whole time. Being quiet so she wouldn't 'wake us up'. She informed us she was peeking on us but we can't get anymore out of her. We were traumatized, she just laughed about her surprise.
  • A
    -- Nonmember comment from

    A

    June 8, 2012 at 3:21 PM
    We have never been caught, and our kids are 10, 3, and 2 months. Guess we have just been lucky. Though I have many friends who have and they always use the wrestling excuse.
  • Torra...
    --

    TorranceMom

    June 8, 2012 at 3:39 PM
    Good Lord man! Your kid is going to end up in therapy. Stop acting like animals long enough to lock your bedroom door. Jeeze!
  • the4m...
    --

    the4mutts

    June 8, 2012 at 3:48 PM
    My kids know to knock on a closed door by the time they're 3. Working on my 2.5 yr old now.
    Maybe teach your kid some common courtesy?
  • Cynthia
    -- Nonmember comment from

    Cynthia

    June 8, 2012 at 3:50 PM
    We never lock our bedroom door and have only been caught a couple times in over 9 years with kids. They regularly see us naked and know we both sometimes sleep naked, so they don't really care.
  • mande...
    --

    manderspanders

    June 8, 2012 at 3:53 PM
    Seriously, TorranceMom? The kid will be fine. If you don't act like it's a big deal, the kids won't worry.
    Eventually, they'll learn about sex and come to understand that even though the thought of mom and dad getting it on is *icky*, it's also completely normal and natural.
  • Torra...
    --

    TorranceMom

    June 8, 2012 at 4:18 PM
    Sorry Manders but I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. Yes, sex is normal and natural. Yes, it's something kids will eventually learn about. But I just don't think they should learn about sex by watching their parents.
  • Karmi...
    --

    KarmicChild

    June 8, 2012 at 4:28 PM

    Fortunately, we were under the covers the only time that our daughter walked into our room during "the act" (I think she must have been about two).  Each time we move (military), I make sure that her bed is not directly on the other side of the same wall ours is against.  Our door generally stays open, but  we close it when we have sex.  We leave it unlocked (just in case there is an emergency), but we hang my husband's dog tags on our doorknob, as they jangle loudly when the door moves.  Also, with very few exceptions, we only have sex when she is completely asleep.


  • kcanela
    --

    kcanela

    June 8, 2012 at 7:27 PM
    oh yes. my 3yr old once told me to get off daddy since i was on top. i just said were hugging and he walked away
1-10 of 35 comments

To leave a comment, log in as a CafeMom member:

Log In

OR, use our non-member comment form: