What to Do When Your Kids Catch You Having Sex
We've all been there. Don't pretend you haven't. You're lying in bed with your spouse. Finally, some alone time. Seems like it's been weeks building up to this magical moment. No distractions. No phone calls. No work. Just the two of you caught in each other's arms, your lips locked in a passionate embrace.
You've never felt so in tune as you do right at that moment. Your bodies couldn't be closer and any conversations you started earlier have quickly been replaced by moaning, heavy breathing, and ...
"Mommy, what are you and Daddy doing?"
Uh, yeah. Nothing snaps you out of the mood like Kiddus Interruptus. Someone forgot to lock the bedroom door, didn't they?
The big question is, what do you say to your children when they catch you in the act? Do you cover yourself in a sheet, scream, and run to the bathroom? Do you say you were both having a crazy nightmare and it was hot so you're sleeping naked? Or do you tell the little buggers the truth, potentially scarring their puppy dog eyes for life?
The first time it happened to my wife and me, we tried to act completely natural and told our son we were "just wrestling." He looked at us, confused. Then upset. His lower lip starting quivering and then ... then came the waterworks. We're talking full-on hysterics. Every possible "you are a bad parent" scenario ran through my mind. He's angry we lied to him. He's scared or confused at what he really saw. He thinks I was hurting Mommy. Nope. I was wrong. He just wanted to wrestle too.
You'd think we would've learned from that little incident. But no, passion doesn't give a crap about past experience. It wants some now.
The next time we were busted was a little different. It was late at night, with the lights down low and music playing softly in the background. This time my wife was on top, topless. We were again completely lost in the moment. And that's when we heard it.
"Mommy, why are you naked?"
The little stinker had somehow snuck into our room without us even hearing a peep. Like a ninja, he just popped up out of nowhere, catching us with our pants down. Or should I say shirts off. We steered clear of any mention of wrestling and somehow distracted him long enough to cover up and send him back to his room. But man, talk about a traumatizing event. I don't think we'll ever fully recover.
Since our passion seems to give us bedroom-door-locking amnesia, I swear we need to put a bell around our little guy's neck. At this rate, it's the only way we're ever going to get some without being caught in the act by a 6-year-old.
Have your kids ever caught you having sex?
Image via Vanina W./Flickr