In honor of Father’s Day this Sunday, I present you with 10 of my favorite mom confessions involving the men in our lives.
Not to worry, dads, we really do love and value you. You just happen to annoy the hell out of us, too.
Happy Father’s Day!
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1. "I think I de-masculinated my husband & son. I trained them to sit down to pee, so cleaning the bathroom wouldn't be such a chore."
2. "I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them."
3. "My son has a poopy diaper. I just sent him upstairs and told him to sit on DH's face. Serves my husband right for sleeping so late."
4. "I strategically clean up the crap battery operated toys before my husband comes home, but leave out all the puzzles and books my children and I play with during the day for my husband to see."
5. "My husband got a stomach bug and dropped 13 pounds in a week. All I got was an extra kid to take care of."
6. "Last week, my husband was so sick we had to get a sitter at 10 p.m. for our sleeping child & go to the ER. We were there for four HOURS. The verdict? A cold. Take some Advil. We spent four hours in the ER for a cold. Jesus."
7. "Sometimes when my DH is snoring so loud that I can't sleep, I imagine pushing him off the edge of the bed. I don't do it though because the noise of his fat ass hitting the floor would probably wake up the kids."
8. "When I married my husband, he could do no wrong ... when we started having babies, he could do no right."
9. "Motherhood is having your toddler throw up nasty fake-grape-smelling Pedialyte in your hair, lay their head down on your shoulder, and say, 'I want daddy.'"
10. "I will be forever bitter that all of my children look like my husband. Asshole."
Do YOU have a daddy confession?
Image via Scary Mommy
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Comments 40
The one about sitting in the ER with her sick husband for 4 hours to find out he has a cold is hilarious. My husband is the same way, totally incapacitated by the smallest bug/cold and will shut himself in a room to sleep for 2 days straight. The last time I was sick, I had a sinus infection and felt like death warmed over, and he had to go out of town for the weekend for work...no sleep for me those days.
LMAO! I totally love number 9, I'm divorced, so I'm dealing with that one all the time!
Other than that,,,, these are fuuunnny!
At least until you think, wow, someone actually makes the men pee sitting down, and there's someone who's such a lazy bitch that they eat candy, and won't get off their fat asses to throw their own trash away.
Man, those 2 seem to be the worst to me. I hope they were made up!