A friend of mine just recently signed up for online dating. As someone who got together with her husband in 2001, online dating was not a "thing" when I locked myself down, at least not nearly like it is now. Now, it seems everyone is doing it.
Back then, I did try it for a week, though. I met one guy and went out a few times with him. It wasn't a love match, but he is still a friend of mine to this day. The one thing I didn't do, however, is put up a photo. Crazy, no?
In fact, it was genius. My friends who online date and who are attractive say they are bombarded by requests for dates and end up on some really bad ones. Meanwhile, those who are less attractive are constantly accused of putting up old photos, lying about their looks, or not being attractive enough to be asked out. Here's a simple solution: Bag the photo.
It may seem radical, but it's kind of freeing. A man who takes the time to read a profile without a photo is the kind of man I would like to get to know. The kind of man who only wants to date me because he thinks I have a nice rack? No thanks.
There is always the chance that you won't get a guy who only dates women with photos, but hey, there is also always the chance a guy will miss an amazing woman (who also happens to be hot) because he only dates women with photos.
Personally, in my VAST one week of experience, I did find the missing photo did weed out the type of guy I wanted to weed out and what I was left with were guys I could see being friends with at the very least. Sure enough, I think the guy I met in my week of online dating is one of the coolest and smartest guys I know.
Meanwhile, my friends with more experience agree. A couple friends also skipped profile photos and had great success in finding true love and marriage. There is something about the guy who takes the time to read what you say regardless of what you look like. Plus, he is really looking at YOU, not your six-pack or big boobs or green eyes.
Obviously, attraction is a part of the deal, but assess that in person. I have never been able to tell from a photograph whether someone is really hot anyway. Chemistry and attraction are qualities that can only be measured while in someone's company.
The man I ultimately married was someone I had known all along (since I was 10), and our attraction grew from games of pool and flirtation. It wasn't just because either of us thought the other looked good in a bathing suit (though we did think that, too).
Ladies who want to find love: Try to skip the photo. And fellows: Don't overlook the lady without the photo. She may very well be hotter than anyone else in the ways that matter.
Would you ever consider going photo-free?
Image via Banalities/Flickr
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Comments 10
I met my husband online and both of us had pictures. He said he didn't bother talking to anyone without a photo because the few times he gave it a shot...there was a reason they didn't want their photo up. No matter how great your personality is if someone isn't sexually or physically attracted to you it's not gonna happen.
I met my hubby in Plenty of Fish and if I wouldn't have had a picture up, we probably wouldn't have met.
It must be nice to be so flamin hot to need to worry about guys only wanting your body. But the reality is that most of us (men and women) are pretty average.
Profiles without pics mean that person is trying to hide something.
I met my husband online (not a dating site). He sent me a pic but I didn't send him one. I gave him a description of me and he wanted to meet. 9 yrs. later, we are still together :) And I had nothing to hide..just didn't have a digital camera or a scanner at the time to easily post a picture online.
I have to agree with the author. I've tried it both ways on the same site. With a picture up, I was bombarded with messages from guys who obviously hadn't read even one word of my profile and were the total opposite of what I was looking for. Same profile minus the pics, and only the guys who actually read my profile and wanted to get to know me would send messages and they were a better fit for me.
Guys should remember that sometimes hot girls hide their pics too. I'm not being vain or bragging, being above average in looks has its drawbacks in dating too. The guys I would really be interested in are too intimidated to ask me out or think I'm out of their league. But I do think you should share your pics early on in the getting to know you process.
Anyway, Sasha, you have nothing to worry about in the looks department.
And, shallow as it sounds, appearance is important. If you are physicallly repulsed by the person, it's hard to open yourself up to getting to know them. I am all for inner beauty, but I also have my preferences physically (ie: kind eyes, a guy my height or taller, a man with nice clean teeth, an average to slightly large build since I'm tall and curvy, etc). Plus I ran my now fiance's (we met on Match.com) profile picture through the google image search to make sure his picture didn't come up on a sex predator page or as someone's hubby on FB.
One more thing, fiance said that he was glad I posted several pictures of myself b/c he had heard stories of guys posing as women. So the pictures helped him feel more comfortable to message me, whereas girls w/no pics or one pic, he said he found suspicious.