For anyone who has ever gotten the "it's not you, it's me" line, there is a little more explanation now. A new survey from Wot Went Wrong, a site devoted to helping people get to the bottom of their breakups, has some answers, but they aren't likely to be comforting.
Guess what: It IS you. It was you all along, especially in relationships that lasted less than one month.
People in relationships of under one month cite drinking too much as the number one cause for the end. People in longer relationships have more complicated reasons, but among them are: "he/she was too overweight; gambled too much; and was too high maintenance." Ouch.
The truth is, it's usually an issue of incompatibility. Personally, if someone dumped me for being too fat, I would be happy they did. Sure it would sting initially, but I would have no interest in being with a person who was THAT superficial.
Why did they date in the first place then? It's like when Ryan told Emily Maynard he would dump her if she let herself go last week on The Bachelorette. That would be my sayonara moment. I have no intention of ever "letting myself go" but I also don't need my man telling me he wouldn't love me unless I maintain my body. No thanks!
The fact is, breakups are hurtful. But they are worse if you take it personally. It may be "you," but it's also "them." Incompatibility is kind of a big deal, so while it's personal, it's also not.
When I was dating back in the day, I assumed some relationships ended because of "me." But they were also because of him. One guy I dated clearly thought I wasn't edgy and "green" enough to date long term. But I thought he was too earnest and lacked a sense of humor. So, you know, there's that ... Obviously, sometimes one person is completely blindsided. But most of the time, a lack of compatibility is the bottom line.
Beyond that, do you really need to know he thought you were too fat? Or too short? Or too tall? How does that help?
Do you want to know why you broke up?
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