Men don't like people messing with their penis. I don't mean in a sexual way -- that always gets a thumbs up.
I am talking about cutting, nipping, and slicing. Just the thought of it makes guys cross their legs and wince in imagined pain. So it's no wonder soooooo many of them refuse to even discuss the thought of a vasectomy.
Of course there are those brave boyfriends and husbands -- usually already overrun with kids -- who opt for it. But what you may not realize is that are also guys who get the snip, snip on the down-low. Yes ladies, I am talking about the Secret Vasectomy.
Sounds like unicorns and leprechauns, right. It's not a myth. It happens. It's real. And I've seen it. Well ... not the actual procedure itself, but I know a guy who got one behind his wife's back.
Out for drinks -- a lot of drinks-- with a few colleagues, one guy shared that he had to come up with a good excuse for not sleeping with his wife. Needless to say, my ears perked up immediately. I thought, what a weird thing for a married man to say, especially since they usually complain about too little sex. The reason? He had a vasectomy, even though she didn't want him to. He was hiding it from her and the doc said he shouldn't have sex for a couple weeks.
The sex-dodging excuse he opted for: "I pulled a groin muscle." Apparently his wife wanted more kids. He was fine with the three they already had. As far as I know, his wife never figured it out. And she's not the only woman in the dark about this -- wait for it -- dick move!
There are tons of message boards about secret vasectomies, with guys lamenting about fears that the tiny scar will give them away or about the first post-op nookie. I've even come across questions about it in Dear Abby-type advice columns: "I think my husband had a vasectomy without telling me. What should I do?"
Now, I believe it is a man's right to do whatever he wants to his own body. I just can't ignore the feeling that this is a serious betrayal if you are in a committed relationship? How is this so different than a woman who purposely skips the pill or pokes holes in the condom? That said, I wish more guys were up for vasectomies. It would certainly save women the hassle of picking up birth control prescriptions or keeping IUDs in place or diaphragms on hand. But it should be a decision a couple makes together.
Do you think a man has a right to have a vasectomy without telling his significant other?
Image via Jo Bourne/Flickr
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Comments 37
just skip on over to the comunity side and see how many women openly talk about either having sabotaged birth control to get pregnant or are seriously considering or planning to do so. Their logic is generally "He'll love the baby once it's here." or "Im the one who stays at home/makes the money/ has to be pregnant so I should get to do what I want with my time/money/body." I don't blame them.
I think you would have something seriously wrong with your marriage if one partner thought it was ok to make a permanent family planning decision without the other. Whats the point of being married if you aren't going to make the decisions together?
Absolutely not! Anymore than I believe a women should have a procedure without at least discussing it first. If you're SO is going behind your back to take themselves out of the gene pool, you need to ask yourself what's wrong with your relationship. Can you imagine what this poor woman will go through every month, hoping to be pregnant and being disappointed over and over again, just because her partner chose to be dishonest about the possibilty of a pregnancy?
Couple should always be honest with each other, especially in matters of fertility and sexual health.
My cousin had a secret vasectomy, and his wife found out afterwards. Less than a year later, she divorced him. Last I heard, she had three more kids with her second husband.
I don't think that is right, but it also is not ok for women to stop taking birth control and get pregnant when their men don't want more. People do fucked up shit all the time. Maybe his wife really wanted more and he didn't but since she is cray cray he just did it behind her back. I would.
I really feel like developing a male birth control that THEY can take would be a huge step in reproductive equality. Men don't get out of child support or child rearing just because the woman said she was on birth control, they can't get an abortion, all they can do is not have sex with their partner, which is not a realistic solution and doesn't happen in real life.
I think permanent birth control should be a decision reached jointly. Going behind your spouse's back to take such a big decision into your own hands is not cool. It's the same in my mind as a woman tweaking her birth control to get pregnant without telling her partner. Not cool.
I personally don't think it's right. My husband had one about a year after we had our second child because we both know we only wanted two kids. But I have to say that many women feel that they get to make the choice about rather having kids or not a lot of times behind their s/o backs so I guess fair is fair. If only a women is in control of her body, then aren't man also only in control of theirs?