When people think about an "abused woman," they probably don't picture a strong, smart, intelligent, and sassy kind of person. I'd guess they'd picture a housewife wearing Mom jeans crying into her apron over her latest black eye.
Couldn't be farther from the truth. ANY woman can get caught up in a bad relationship - be it the executive down the hall or the janitor who sweeps up after you in the ladies room.
So let's break down those stereotypes and figure out why women - all KINDS of women - stay in bad relationships.
1) Fear of being alone. I know in this day and age, we women are supposed to be tough and fearless, but it's not always the case. We can behave as though we're tough and fearless, while inside, we long to be wanted by our partner.
2) The devil you know versus the devil you don't. There's something comforting in staying with your partner - bad relationship and all - because at least you know what's next.
3) Fear that this is the best there is out there. A lot of people - women who have been in bad relationships, especially - have their self-esteem eroded slowly by their partner (and life) so much that they honestly believe their current partner IS the best they'll ever get.
4) "It's not that bad." I don't know how many times I've run across those words on my non-profit site, where we get a great number of domestic abuse stories sent in to us. Women believe erroneously that because their story isn't as graphic or as horrible as someone else's, it's not really worth it to talk about their partners who really only get upset when they "do something wrong."
5) You're a perfectionist. Everything you do is the BEST out there. Therefore, your relationship must not be broken, it's just facing "challenges." The idea of failure is so tremendous that leaving never even crosses your mind.
6) He has some sort of leverage. Often men who are truly abusive threaten a woman, saying he will hurt her children, her pets, or her family if she leaves him.
7) You love him - plain and simple.
8) You believe he will change. He says he will. He's TRYING to change. You just make him SO MAD. If only you STOPPED making him SO MAD!
9) He makes you feel special beyond compare. Even if you're not quite good enough (his words), he'll manipulate you into feeling grateful that someone like him could be with someone like YOU.
10) You can't see how truly bad it is. Whether it's because you've been isolated from friends or family or you don't want to see how bad things are, you don't have any idea things have gotten this dire.
How do I know all this? I've been there, too.
What are some other reasons women stay in bad relationships?
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Comments 89
Not all abuse is physical. There are many instances where it is emotional, and very insidious. He (or she, women are capable, too) will make offhand comments, not all the time, and not 'over the top', but frequently enough to start worrying away your self-esteem. You start to believe the things he tells you - often in "compliment" or "helpful" form - are true. For example, a regular guy will say, "honey, you're beautiful", but he says, "you're pretty, but you'd be beautiful if you lost a few pounds". It's hard to explain.
That goes with the "maybe this time" mentality. If he is an alcoholic, and vows to quit, for example. She will stay, because "maybe this time" he will get better.
There are so many reasons that women stay, and often it's not because they "volunteer" for it, but because it goes SO far before they even realize what has happened.
There are always options even if the abuser has "isolated" the victim. Call the cops, have them arrested, change the locks, and file for emergency cash aid thru welfare if you have no job/education.
Welfare will pay for schooling, and help you find a job. The courts give paperwork for free to file for a restraining order. They even have forms to file for waiver of fees.
Its intimidating, its scary, its hard, but it can be done by 99% of these people that only FEEL they have nowher to turn.
lustfull, my sister (a teenager barely out of high school) lived with her abisuve boyfriend and his family. They all told her every day that it was her fault, that if she would just do what he said he wouldn't have to hit her. She left. And has never been in such a relationship ever again in her whole life. If she could do it why can't others? I'm not saying it's easy, but I don't accept that it's impossible.
I have NO IDEA why I stayed 7 years with a jerk gone for 6 now yeahhhh
It makes me sad that some of you are judging abuses women. No two situations are every exactly the same. My Dad was an alcoholic who died when I was 10 then my Mom married another man when I was 13 who turned out to be very controlling. He was mentally and emotionally abusive to everyone in our house. When I met my ex, I was 16 and he was 24. I was already drinking and doing drugs ( trying to escape my home life). It was great for about a year, then he become abusive. I was still living at home at that time but when I turned 18 we got a place together. My mine 18 year old naive mind, I'd rather suffer from the occasional physical abuse then the daily mental abusive. All of us kids where told we had to move out at 18 and we were never allowed to go back after we did, so when the abuse did get worst, I had no where to go. I was working making $4.50 (over 20 years ago) When my ex was not drunk or high, he was the most loving and caring person towards me but when it was bad, it was bad! Being young and having no one on my side to help guide my out of the situation was so hard on me. I won't go into all the details but it took another 2 years for me to break the chain of abuse and move. Please don't judge all of us badly, we don't want to be in the situation but sometimes there are not other options.