Sex Confession: I Think About Grocery Shopping During Sex

open window“Sex Confessions” is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, and all will turn you on (well most). You might want to sit down for this.

Today's sex confession comes from a 20-something mom from Oklahoma who has been married for five years. Her mind doesn't ever shut off -- even during sex. Sometimes she has thoughts that are really sexy, but there are also times when she thinks about things she ashamed to admit. Until now.

I'd like to think I am a romantic. Even when my husband and I are having sex on our bed -- where we've had sex so many times before -- I fantasize. Sometimes I pretend we are on a beach and people are watching us or a fancy boat or even at the park during broad daylight -- you know, places we never have sex but I'm just pretending in my head. But then I also have those times where my mind wanders in directions that have nothing to do with my husband, anything romantic, or even sex.

There have been times I wrote grocery lists in my head while my husband was on top. I've thought about what plans I had during the week when we were doing it doggie style. I've even thought about what color I should paint my nails next. It makes me feel terrible -- that I'm sometimes not really there in the moment. Of course I don't have an orgasm those times, either, so no real pleasure. But I could never tell my husband this. Ever. It would crush him. And it's not that I'm not attracted to him sexually or love him any less -- it's just that my mind doesn't always shut off and while I do think about sex when I'm having sex with him sometimes, there are those other times that it's anything but.

I don't want it to overcome me and one day realize I am never enjoying sex and instead always thinking about things I shouldn't. That scares me.

Can you relate to this woman's confession? What advice would you give her?


Image via marc falardeau/Flickr

sex confession, sex


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Rachp... Rachpach1984

This happens to me too sometimes. Shutting off your mind during sex is sometimes as hard as trying to reach nirvana while meditating. When you catch yourself making a grocery list, try to regroup concentrate on the present.

Marcella Shambles

Thank goodness my husband loves me and knows how weird my mind works.  I not only think about a bizzilion differnt things when having sex, sometimes they crack me up and I have to share them and then he starts laughing too.  I'd say only 2 out 5 times am I thinking about "sex" 100% of the time when having sex, it'd have to be a quickie for that to happen!

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

I think a lot of women have been there. Sometimes I like having sex with my husband if just for feeling close to him. Sometimes I'm not really in the mood or my mind isnt really "there" but it doesnt mean that I dont want to be close with him or feel his touch. As long as you have the ability to be in the moment most of the time, then I'd say you're fine.....but, if you always have to think about other things to get through sex, then you might need to reevaluate your relationship..

Torra... TorranceMom

I can totally relate. No need to feel guilty about it. Sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day and people have to multitask.

mande... manderspanders

I can't relate at all ... Especially the comment about no real pleasure if she doesn't orgasm. It is rare for me to get off during sex and we either take care of that before or after. But that doesn't mean that sex isn't enjoyable and pleasureful without an orgasm. Even when I'm not in the mood, my husband has 100% of my attention and focus... Doesn't he deserve that much, considering there are days we don't get a chance to connect at any level.

If you find your mind wandering, you owe it to your spouse to put the focus back where it belongs. There are no excuses, just do it.

Saphi... SaphireLiz

I understand compleatly b/c my #1 thought is I hope the kids don't wake up needing us

DebaLa DebaLa

Well-intended deception or unmanaged distractions are not compatible with true intimacy. There comes a point where you internally demand total focus from both yourself and your spouse. Otherwise, why bother?

PonyC... PonyChaser

First, not orgasming shouldn't mean that you didn't derive pleasure. Stop focusing on it, and start just enjoying what you are doing. That, frankly, is a separate issue from your mind wandering, but it needed to be addressed.

Second... share what you are feeling with your husband. Tell him that sometimes this happens. The first time, obviously, you don't tell him right in the middle of the act, but us a 'honey, I need to talk with you' moment. He needs to know. Why? Because maybe HE can help take some of those worries off your mind. The groceries? Put an ongoing list on the fridge, and everybody adds to it when they use something up. That's off your mind now, because it's written down. Chores? Maybe he can help with a few, so you don't feel overwhelmed. He's your husband. Let him help. He deserves to know this is going on.

And maybe he's got similar issues. Maybe there are times when he's 'pushing on' because he thinks YOU want it, when, in truth, you'd both rather just bag the whole thing, make a bowl of popcorn, and watch Letterman.

Storm... StormySkye

It's pretty sad if you can't just tune out all the other bullshit in your life to be in the moment with the one you supposedly love.....Sounds like this woman needs psychological help as there are obviously some issues at work here if she can't turn off those thoughts.

nonmember avatar kochouran

I'm a grey-asexual so I almost always think about other things during sex, and I've even gotten up to do something else before (though I try to not do that). Sex bores me after a while, but that doesn't mean I don't love my partner. He doesn't take offense, but it's hard for some non-asexuals to not link sex and love. I'm not saying that the author is asexual or grey-a, especially since she says that she is attracted to him. However, not enjoying sex doesn't mean there is a problem with her body or her relationship (though it's always wise to talk things out and make sure you're healthy).

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