One of the best parts of marriage is that you become a team of two in your own fortress. If you are lucky, no one can ever understand your marriage or infiltrate its walls. You and your spouse have something unique and no one else should ever be let in on the intimacy you two share.
So why does it seem like so many are willing to talk about their marriage to friends?
When my husband and I married, I threw most "rules" out the window. We go to bed angry all the time, we don't always sit down to dinner, and we often dredge up the past when we argue. But one thing I won't do is talk to my friends about my husband.
Here's the problem: If you have an issue with your spouse -- say, for instance, he always wants to stay inside even on sunny days and his idea of spending quality time with the kids is parking them in front of ESPN -- and you tell a friend, she will always think of him as lazy and selfish. You may solve the problem, but your friend won't.
By telling a friend before you work it out with your spouse, you invite judgement and disdain and general dislike for your spouse.
Sure, if your husband is beating you or cheating, then by all means speak up and tell your friends. But I am not talking about these huge issues. I am talking more about the more subtle, insidious issues that creep up in marriage. Fighting about money or chores or keeping the house clean. These are private issues.
It's more that that, too. When you take a problem outside the marriage, you don't solve it. Sure, you vent and you chat with your friends, but you also rile each other up with no purpose. Does it solve the issue? Nope. And it makes your friend dislike your spouse. You lose in both ways.
If you have an issue in your marriage, you talk to your spouse or your therapist. If there is one friend you have who knows you both and can safely avoid sides, then maybe she or he can help you cultivate the best way to chat with your spouse, but generally speaking, what happens in a marriage really ought to stay private to that marriage.
Do you talk about your marriage with others?
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Comments 48
I think it depends on the friend. All too often you hear bff's stealing their bff's hubby's. So it just depends on what specifically the issue is. Something stupid, like not taking out the trash I complain about. But my personal business stays just that!
But blogging to strangers about your sex life.. that's totally acceptable. *cough*cough*
Vent to a pastor, lol and if a therapist make sure is a man a older man like a father figure. As, well do back ground cks on your therapist before hand. And, NEVER ever ever tell your girl friends of your sexual episodes with hubby, keep gripes to a min. 8 out 10 they will put them down. Women usually do. As, well lets them know door is open and could be a invite for them to move in on your man. Personal is personal keep that between you and him. Unless like someone else said there is abuse or cheating.
Sometimes when you keep a problem in the marriage you don't solve it. My husband avoids conflict, ANY kind of conflict, at any cost. So there is no discussing of problems in our marriage. It just doesn't happen and when it does it actually causes MORE of a problem.