So Fifty Shades of Grey is mommy porn, huh? Well, every mommy I know is entirely too busy to read through so much humdrum dialogue and description. If we wanted romantic dribble, we'd turn on a Lifetime movie. After all, aren't those lurid sex scenes the only reason we picked up the book anyway?
To speed things up, I uploaded the kinky tome to my e-reader and searched for a few key words (surprisingly there wasn't a "penis" in a single passage). This little trick helped me skip the foreplay and get straight to the passion. Here’s a cheat sheet on where to find the steamiest bits.
More from The Stir: '50 Shades of Grey’ Could Turn Moms Into Sex Kittens
"breast" on page 104:
"Very nice," he whispers appreciatively, and my nipples harden even more. He blows very gently on one as his hand moves to my other breast, and his thumb slowly rolls the end of my nipple elongating it. I groan, feeling the sweet sensation all the way to my groin ...
"writhes" on page 214:
He pinches me hard, and my body writhes convulsively against his front. I gasp at the acute pleasure/pain. I feel him against me. I moan and my hands clench in his hair pulling harder ...
"pounding" on page 223:
I moan loudly. He moves, pounding into me, a fast, intense pace against my sore behind. The feeling is beyond exquisite, raw and debasing and mind-blowing ...
"rhythm" on page 329:
He slides his leg in between mine, pushing my feet father apart, widening my stance, and runs my hands over my sex, one hand at a time in turn, setting up a rhythm. It's so erotic. Truly I am a marionette and he is the master puppeteer ...
"spread" on page 371:
I groan. Parting my legs, he cuffs first my right ankle and then my left so I am staked out, spread-eagled, and totally vulnerable to him ...
Other tantalizing terms you should definitely try: "wet," "whip," and "ravaged."
Do you think Fifty Shades of Grey lives up to the hype?
Image via Amazon
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Comments 70
I have no inerest in these types of books. Not because of the sex, but because of how it's written. Most books like that are just not tastefully done. Besides, if I want porn, I'll go and watch some with my husband.
I find it funny that so many woman are saying, "eww gross", "that's trashy", etc. I read all 3 and enjoyed them. Yes the writing is not superb, but so what. It's still a good story line. Much better than Twilight. It seems that a lot of moms read Twilight and no one is ashamed of that. They books are decent, it's a sexy romance trilogy, that's it. Nothing wrong with that. All of those high and mighties out there should really come down a notch. What's that old saying.....oh yes, don't judge a book by it's cover!!!!
I havn't read this book, but seriously, I'm tired of hearing about it already...
Ok these exerpts make this book look just plain creepy. Seriously if I wanted to read porn, I would buy porn. This is a poor example of someone who claims to be a novelist when actually you just wrote three terrible books. If you want to read some good books, read the Twilight books. I know that the movies can be kinda tacky, but the books are well written and they are entertaining. Also Bloodlines by Dinah McCall (not the vampire series book) was really well written and fun and NOT turning into a movie. :-)
This book was BORING...maybe ya'll should try some kinky instead of reading it! :D
lmao that is some silly shit
honey badger hit the nail on the head...
its repetitive and it gets dull and obnoxious quick...
as far as the sex it gets boring...
im perfectly fine with my sexuality and im not denying myself anything..that's why i found it dull.