'50 Shades of Grey' for Busy Moms: The Only Parts You Need to Read

OMG 74

50 shades of greySo Fifty Shades of Grey is mommy porn, huh? Well, every mommy I know is entirely too busy to read through so much humdrum dialogue and description. If we wanted romantic dribble, we'd turn on a Lifetime movie. After all, aren't those lurid sex scenes the only reason we picked up the book anyway?

To speed things up, I uploaded the kinky tome to my e-reader and searched for a few key words (surprisingly there wasn't a "penis" in a single passage). This little trick helped me skip the foreplay and get straight to the passion. Here’s a cheat sheet on where to find the steamiest bits.

More from The Stir: '50 Shades of Grey’ Could Turn Moms Into Sex Kittens

"breast" on page 104:

"Very nice," he whispers appreciatively, and my nipples harden even more. He blows very gently on one as his hand moves to my other breast, and his thumb slowly rolls the end of my nipple elongating it. I groan, feeling the sweet sensation all the way to my groin ...

"writhes" on page 214:

He pinches me hard, and my body writhes convulsively against his front. I gasp at the acute pleasure/pain. I feel him against me. I moan and my hands clench in his hair pulling harder ...

"pounding" on page 223:

I moan loudly. He moves, pounding into me, a fast, intense pace against my sore behind. The feeling is beyond exquisite, raw and debasing and mind-blowing ...

"rhythm" on page 329:

He slides his leg in between mine, pushing my feet father apart, widening my stance, and runs my hands over my sex, one hand at a time in turn, setting up a rhythm. It's so erotic. Truly I am a marionette and he is the master puppeteer ...

 "spread" on page 371:

I groan. Parting my legs, he cuffs first my right ankle and then my left so I am staked out, spread-eagled, and totally vulnerable to him ...

Other tantalizing terms you should definitely try: "wet," "whip," and "ravaged."

Do you think Fifty Shades of Grey lives up to the hype?

 

Image via Amazon

erotica, hooking up, love, orgasm, turn-ons, fifty shades of grey

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nonmember avatar A

If I had time to read a series of books, I'd rather read something educational.

prplecat prplecat

Why should we bother reading such a badly written book?  Yeah, all you have to do is read a few excerpts to see that.  Instead, read the Story Of O, or Justine, or the Sleeping Beauty trilogy that Anne Rice wrote under a pseudonym.


And it's DRIVEL, not DRIBBLE.  That's what his penis will do before long.  You're welcome.


 


 

Whitn... WhitneySM

I agree with the above commentors. There are many, many things I'd rather read than this trash.

Storm... StormRyder

I hate reading....no time for it really so I won't be rushing out for this book (which from the exerps looks laughable)....and porn is so easily accessed if I want to have some sexy, kinky fun!! The responses I have found on this book here and on other sites has me full of questions???? All the "it's gross"..".Eww trashy"...."I would never read this kind of book"...etc..etc.


 Why do so many women deny their sexuality? Damn, so many won't even admit they masturbate! I love sex and all....ALL... it encompasses and offers...I enjoy it, revel in it. It's a fleeting moment of time where " I " am the center of " MY " world. Why do so many women act like it's shameful, trashy, dirty, slutty to enjoy sex and not hide those feelings....I think they might find themselves happier along with the men in their lives if they could learn to embrace that inner whore that DOES reside in all of us....


Whether you choose to believe it or not.....It's in there.....waiting :)


As for the writer of this article..Aside from her lack of writing / grammar skills.....It's summed up in her bio.."she knows way too much about the Kardashians"  that alone speaks to her credibility and makes her intellegence very, very suspect?????....Hope I wasn't too harsh?

Cryst... Crystal2985

I have to agree with StormRyder on some levels. I do believe women tend to hide their sexuality. I love sex. And I honestly have to admit I was surprised more women on this site didn't find the book intriguing. Then I have to wonder if they're being honest about not enjoying the book. I've found that even some of the most critical women, have read through all three. There's nothing to hide here ladies. No one ever claimed it was a masterpiece. But I don't think it was horribly written either. It had me turning pages just as much as The Story of O, or classics like Tender is the Night.

jalaz77 jalaz77

I don't get this fascination. Women are going to be disappointed when they realize this book can be compared to a soap, drama, heat and none of it will come true. What I did like was the SNL skit for this, that was hilarious!

Manda Scheffert

I'm reading the first of the series and plan to read the second and third as well.  I am a working mother of a physically disabled son but I take "me" time and enjoy a good book now and then.  My friend, who is a librarian with a master's degree recommended the series to me as I have read the heck out of pretty much everything I can get my hands on.  If you believe this book is just about sex then you've entirely missed the point of the story and its better if you don't continue to struggle with your limited cognitive prowess and imagination.

Honey Badger

Having actually read the trilogy *twice* I will give my opinion.  The author has a very limited vocabulary and it gets obnoxiously repetitive to the point of annoyance.  The story line is entertaining and through the second go round I was able to enjoy  and understand more of the nuances that were lost in my first reading.  As far as erotic value, there are many romance novels that are more sexy and imaginative than Fifty.  Yes way over hyped.

Jenny... JennyG0929

This book is awful. I couldn't make it past page 40. Thanks for the cliff's notes..lol

Danielle Tropea Friedland

These are the best parts? What women around the country are getting off on? Geezus.

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