How to Know Whether You're Bisexual - and What to Do About It

Love & Learn 21

While you're exploring your sexuality, it helps to think of it all on a spectrum. On one end, you have homosexual, or gay, and on the other, heterosexual, or straight. But what if you find yourself attracted to the cute guy next door - and the cute chick up the block?

What does this all mean? Are you bisexual?

Here are some ways to figure it out. 

There are two types of people who are attracted to both sexes: bisexual and bi-curious. People who are bi-curious are those who may be ready to explore their sexuality with a same sex partner. Bisexual people are those who know that they dig men AND women. As sexuality occurs along a spectrum, there are theories that we are all "a little bisexual."

Here are some clues you may be bisexual:

*You realize that you're not just crushing on people of the same sex, your feelings are deeper than a "bromance" or a "girl crush."

*You have sexual fantasies that you'd really like to make a reality about someone who is the same sex.

*You know it in your gut - your hips may lie, but your gut, well, your gut never leads you wrong.

*You look for QUALITIES in a partner, rather than people to date.

If you find yourself nodding at the above questions, you're probably pretty confused by it. That's okay. Most people whose sexual preference is not clearly on one side of the spectrum or the other can be very bewildered by it all.

Okay, so I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual (or at least, bi-curious). Now what?

Well, first, take a deep breath and remind yourself that it's NORMAL to feel a lot of conflicting emotions about your sexuality. If you feel that you are bisexual, it's time to explore your sexual boundaries with men and women. Here are some tips:

*Find some online groups for local GLBT groups (youth or adult, depending on your age) that may meet in your area. It's there that you can find some people who are going through the same things.

*Experiment. The one sure-fire way to find out if you're attracted to people of both sexes is to experience what it's like to be with them. No, not like a threesome, but independently.

*While you experiment, do so safely. Even same-sex couples run the risks for STDs and other medical problems.

*Do not try and experiment with a good friend unless he or she is into it. Sex has ruined a lot of perfectly good friendships, and you want people in your corner.

*Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. If that means calling a GLBT hot-line to discuss your feelings, so be it. Sometimes advice from strangers is a lot easier to manage than advice from people you know.

*Remember that you are normal. You are perfect just as you are. There is NO shame in being bisexual, bi-curious, gay, straight, transgender - no shame at all. Hold your head high.

Any other tips for bisexuality?

 

Image via morbuto/Flickr

hooking up, dating, sex confession, sexuality

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paige... paige8608

So I don't really consider myself bisexual...I just can't help who I find myself attracted to.. I have been in relationships w/ only men & have been in sexual situations w/ females...but when a male is present. So I never got to truly have a dating or sexual situation w/ just a female. And it's mostly been a sexual desire...not a desire to be in a relationship w/ another female. That is up until recently when I met this girl who happens to be a lesbian & we have some seriously chemistry going on. It really surprised me. But I do not think it's b/c she's a female, but the fact that I am attracted to who she is & her personality and I want to know more about her. We're still in the friendship stage, but I do hope to pursue it further. I have just never found myself attracted to another girl like that...like a person who I can really see myself caring about. And it's a crazy crush...like the kind you'd have in the 9th grade that gives you butterflies. lol. 

the4m... the4mutts

The tip I have is to stop worrying about the gender of a person, and start looking at their personalities, their morals, their quirks. I am bi-sexual. But I don't care if you're a man or woman, if you're a jerk, I don't want you.

I want someone fun, laid back, with similar morals and qualities. And not someone that thinks that just because I like both genders, means they'll never be enough for me. I get sick of that assumption

tonip... toniperoni

wow this is the first mainstream article I have ever seen that is pro bisexual - bravo! anyone in need of people to talk to in a non sexual environment can head over to www.shybi.com

nonmember avatar Cee

Sexuality is very fluid, especially in women. I suppose it is because women are more willing to admit to their desires.

As a lesbian though, I would advice that if you are going to mess around/experiment with lesbians that you tell them that you are bi and whatever situation you are in (ESPECIALLY if you are married) because we are not just people you can call on to figure out who YOU are, we are investing some time on you and you should do us the courtesy of telling us your intention.

This is why bis get a lot of bad rap. Lesbians don't hate bi's we just wish they were more forthcoming.

mande... manderspanders

I think that there is a definite difference between sexual attraction and a love relationship. I would consider myself to be a straight woman... I'm married and have only had relationships with men and would never consider a love relationship with a woman (and have never had a crush on a woman). However, I also lean toward being sexually bi-curious and would be interested in exploring sex with a woman (with or without a man around).

I find some women to be very sexually attractive, yet have never had any desire for a love relationship with a woman.

I think it is possible to be interested on only a sexual level. And I do think it is an important distinction to be made. I see being bisexual as being a person who could and would want a dating/love relationship with both or either men or women... But not necessarily only a sexual desire. What I'm saying is that I think being bisexual is more about who you connect with than with who you want to have sex with.

momto... momtoBrenna

There those that are bisexual and biamorous and those that are just bisexual or bicurious. I am straight, 100%. You can be bicurious and bisexual without having romantic feelings for the same sex. When you are biamorous, you love those of the same sex as well.

Littl... LittleFrogsMA

There is nothing wrong with being bisexual or gay.


There is something wrong with marrying a straight spouse without telling them you are bisexual or gay.

nonmember avatar A

The hot dog, or the taco. Pick one, because they don't taste good at the same time.

tonip... toniperoni

momtoBrenna, too many labels, geez. Bisexual = you can love and have sex with either sex, bi curious = you're not sure if you can do that. Woman that want to have sex with other women may at times call themselves bisexual as well which is where the confusion is. 


To Cee, wish I had met lesbians who wre a bit more open minded when i was considering coming out, the vitriol against bi's shut me firmly in the closet and cost me a beautiful relationship. Lesbians may have some bad experiences with bi's but they also need to accept the rainbow isn't just for them and that being bi can be just as confusing andlife shattering - even worse in some ways because "we have a choice"  a little more welcoming wouldn't go astray. If it makes you feelany better the men in our lives feel the same way so we cop discrimination from straights and gays.

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