So, Your Parents Hate Your Boyfriend: Should You Give a Darn?

Love & Learn 7

You're torn in two -- you have your partner, who you love madly, and you have your parents, who raised you. The problem? Your parents cannot stand your partner. Like, at all.

What do you do when your parents hate your partner (besides eat a lot of ice cream and cry at Hallmark commercials)?

Here's some advice.

First things first: Your parents probably have your best interests in mind. They raised you, after all, and if they did a bang-up job, you're probably still close to them. So if they're getting their hackles raised by your current partner, you need to figure out what's going on.

Ask your parents what their problem is with your partner. Unless they're the type that cannot stand the thought of their precious baby dating ANYONE, they probably have a pretty good reason. They've been around a lot longer than you, so it's important to hear them out. Press for specifics, rather than, "I don't like him/her."

Once you find out the reasons, take a step back from the situation completely. Take your space, talk to your friends, and see if what your parents are saying is true. Is he really slimy? Is he really a player? Your friends may have been masking the truth -- that he's kinda an asshole -- to spare your feelings. So tell them to give it to you straight.

Then, take a big step back and examine your partner, knowing what it is specifically your parents dislike about him or her. Is it true? Is he being weirdly secretive about other girls? Is he really treating you badly? Is he abusive?

If your friends hate him or her and you can kinda see where he's (or she's) an ass, then it's time to move on. There are bigger, better fish in the sea, and you deserve the very best out of any relationship.

However, if your friends don't think that there's a problem with your partner -- even after you've asked them to give it to you straight up and dirty (mentioning your parents' specific issues), and you cannot see what it is that your parents dislike, it's time to make a choice.

You're an adult. It's up to you who you date. If you think your parents are wrong, go back to them and tell them so. Give them examples of why they are wrong. Tell them that you appreciate that they're looking out for you, but that you are perfectly happy in your relationship.

And then? Be happy that you made an informed decision.

What other advice can you give to someone whose parents hate his or her partner?

 

Image via ingrida danieliute/Flickr

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Stacey. Stacey.

I remind myself my parents lived their lives how they wanted, I am going to do the same. You only get one life, do what you want, because when you're dead it wont matter if mom liked your bf, what will matter is you made the most of it.

Melis... Melissa042807

I think it also depends on the parents. I once had a boyfriend my parents didn't like, but instead of fighting them on it I took notice because I really trust my parents' judgment and they're not ones to insert their opinion unless there's something truly wrong. But I have friends whose parents hate everyone they date seemingly just on principal, and I wouldn't listen to those parents because they find something wrong with everyone. 

nonmember avatar Jae

What if the problem isn't your parents . . . but your best (male) friend's mother, who's YOUR second mother on some level?

Sad as it is, I avoid my best friend now, because somehow we ALWAYS end up hanging with his mom at her house.

I've been with the same boyfriend for seven years now, cohabitating for two. I absolutely LOVE him. But everytime I see the woman, she inquires, "Did you dump him yet?" "I don't see this working. You two are just so different and you can and should do better than him."

I know it's just because she's wanted me to get with my friend since we were 12-year-olds;obviously, that's disgusting to me . . . But I still leave her house bawling my eyes out and wonder WTF is wrong with my man.

Should I be concerned? My boyfriend's a good guy, works hard, isn't a deadbeat and has never done anything catastrophic in our relationship. We work well together and I don't understand the backlash.

nonmember avatar ruthless1

If your parents hate your partner..,and you are thinking about leaving for your OWN reasons....then leave. For goodness sake, dont stay just to keep your parents from being right. I have seen this happen with friends and I cant think of a more foolish way of cutting off your nose to spite your face.

libby261 libby261

As long as your partner loves you and isn't a criminal, an addict and doesn't beat you, who the eff cares what your parents think of him or her.   If h/she is one of those things (criminal, addict or abuser) then your parents only have your best interests at heart and maybe you should listen to them.

vulca... vulcanarcher

I put off the choice as long as I could.  My parents hated the age difference, hated his job (cop), and hated the fact that he was divorced.  They gave me an ultimatum: him or my family.  Ultimately, I took a gamble.  My siblings are still fairly young, and I hope that in time, I will see them again.  I hope that my father will see his grandchildren later, after times has cooled things down a bit, even if my mother won't.  I'm incredibly sad about the way things turned out with my family.  On the other hand, I also know that my husband is the right man for me, that he went to China six times to visit me when I lived there, that before we lived together, he drove four hours from NY to NH EVERY SUNDAY to see me.

Jennifer Stroopwafel

I found they’re producing a television show about this topic, and they’re still looking for participants. Seems pretty interesting… http://goo.gl/0BLJM

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