There's something we'd all like to tell you but other than right here, right now, we never will: Your husband is gay.
Take a moment if you need it.
It's true. He's gay and we all know it. In fact, we've known for years. We knew when you were dating. We knew at your wedding. We knew it after your kids were born. We talk about it when you're not around. When we're all out to dinner and you two leave, we say things like, "How can she not know?" and "Maybe she does and they have an 'arrangement.'" and "When do you think he'll leave her for a man?"
And trust us, leave you he will. Remember Bob* and Sally* from high school who got married and none of us -- including you -- could believe it? "Is she blind?!" you asked. Remember how they got divorced 10 years and 2 kids later? And how Sally was shocked beyond belief. And remember, how none of us said a word. How could we? We're not saying a word to you either.
For one thing, we'd be invading your husband's privacy. It's his decision if and when he should come out. It's not our job to do that for him. He's decided that this is the life he wants to live, at least for now.
For another, think of how angry you'd be at us for telling you we thought the guy you're madly in love with, have been married to for 12 years, and who's dad to your 3 children, 2 cats, 1 dog, and 3 goldfish has actually been living a "lie"? Would you believe us? We doubt it. Either you know he's gay but you don't want to admit it -- or you have no clue. Think about it, you'd be more likely to drop us as friends than you would be to believe something that would turn your whole world upside-down.
As you know, it's not just Bob and Sally, we all now know 4 couples -- four! -- whose marriages have ended because one of the parties finally came out. We "called" all four of those marriages, yet when the big announcement was made, we didn't say "We knew it!" -- we acted shocked and surprised along with our friend. How could we tell her we knew it all along? No, there's no way we could have told her ahead of time -- and there's no way we could let her know after. You understand.
So, friend, we just want you to know that when the day comes and your husband decides to let you know the truth, we'll act as surprised as you are and we'll support you and be there for you, because we love you.
*These are fake names & this "letter" is to a fake friend.
If your friends suspect that your husband is gay, would you want them to tell you?
Image via kimberlykv/Flickr