I'll readily admit that -- like most women in America right now -- I'm engrossed in E.L. James' Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. No shame here! Knowing that it began as Twilight fan fiction, I can't help but envision Christian Grey as RPatz and Anastasia Steele as KStew. But a'course, unlike Twilight scribe Stephenie Meyer, James is actually giving us what we want: A whole lotta SEX! Whoohoo! Unfortunately, just like her, she's made a dangerous misstep when it comes to the romance between her leading lovers.
Although Christian is ultimately a three-dimensonal, sympathetic character, he's also described repetitively as mercurial. Ana can't keep up with his ever-changing moods that blow breathtakingly hot to bone-chillingly cold. At least through most of the first book, Fifty's mysterious nature and hair-trigger mood swings have Anastasia walking on eggshells, petrified that he's going to snap. And this is somehow supposed to be ... sexy as hell?
I'm sorry, but what a crap message to send women!
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Anyone who has ever been with a man like that knows better. Being intimate with a man who you can't read, who is always playing mind games, who makes you feel like you have to be perpetually "on" in a way that doesn't come naturally doesn't make most women feel like they're Aphrodite or have their "inner goddess" doing cartwheels. It makes us feel like sh*t! Not to mention that having to endure that kind of behavior from a guy is exhausting. And in the most extreme cases, I wouldn't hesitate to call it emotional abuse.
What's more, women who find themselves believing that manipulative, mind-effing Christian Grey-like behavior is a-okay -- worse yet, attractive -- are only setting themselves up for failure in love.
I've been there. (Sigh ... Haven't we all?) And it wasn't until I got a good hard shake from a big sister-like roommate that I realized putting up with a guy like that was going to prevent me from finding someone worthy of me -- someone who could offer a real, stable relationship. Not long after she helped me see the light, I found my now-fiance, and every so often, in talking to single girlfriends who are dealing with shady Grey-like characters, I try to pass that wisdom along.
There are certainly aspects of Ana and Christian's relationship in Fifty Shades of Grey that are hot -- I'll give E.L. that much. But as far as equating mercurial mood swings and constant guessing games with a satisfying physical and emotional bond? Sounds more like a nightmare than a fantasy come true.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a standoff-ish, "mercurial," even manipulative guy like Christian Grey? Do you think it's wrong to glorify that kind of bad behavior?
Image via Barnes & Noble
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Comments 69
i dont always enjoy my husbands mercurial moodswings but god dammit they sure keep me on my toes. unike everyother relationship i have been in I am not bored i dont feel like i know everything about him and sometimes it swings in a wonderful way. I am never bored with this man and i still have so much to learn about him inside and i love unraveling his layers. after all these years any one else would just leave me bored. maybe you just love who your meant to love. maybe if its the right person even faults can become turn ons.
If you think that reading a book will make a woman automatically seek out a romatic relationship like that of the protagonists, then you have a far lower opinion of women than I do.
And, for those of you who say that it is just fantasy, yes, it is for us big girls. But, when I hear my friend's 13 year-old daughter wants to read it, it really disturbs me. Media, in general, is having a big effect on women and their self-worth. And, this is one more example of a bad relationship glamorized.