Couples Who Don't Live Together Before Marriage Are Asking For It

There are many times I realize I live in a bubble, but almost none are more obvious than the times I realize not everyone moves in with their boyfriend or girlfriend prior to engagement. In my neck of the woods (the urban Northeast), there is not a single couple I know who did not test drive the relationship by living together first.

For every couple I know who lived together, I also know a couple who is still happily married 12, 15, and 20 years later. Sure, I also know a couple of divorced couples, but the irony is, the ones I know are some of whom never lived together (and also do not live in my state). So why are so many articles always coming out saying how bad it is to live together before marriage?

Personally, I lived with two men, one whom I married and one I did not. And I am deeply grateful for them both.

The first one ended horribly, with unpaid bills, screaming fights, and me back in my parent's house for a month. But I am glad it ended. In that case we had become engaged before we moved in together. Had we married rather than moved in, I would be divorced now. Maybe that does not seem like a big deal given how hard it was to move out. But at least I did not have any legal hassle.

As for the second one, here we are, 11 years and two kids later, still going strong. Living together did not hurt us. If anything, it made us know each other better and made us stronger. By the time we walked down the aisle, we had been living together for a year and a half. We knew everything about one another's habits and quirks. I knew how he threw his clothing on the floor and he knew I was not a stickler for cleanliness.

The few people I DO know who did not live together were under 23 when they married, more religious and did not live in cities. And all of them said that they had a steeper learning curve than my husband and I did. They had never even grocery shopped together when they got married.

We had our little life and sure, it made marriage a little anti-climactic, but a wedding is wonderful whenever it happens and my husband and I were deeply enmeshed in each other's lives once we married.

I honestly can't imagine our marriage would be as strong without living together. So for every article saying how "bad" it is, consider this: Every couple I know almost lived together prior to marriage and they are all happily married with children now.

Sure, it could go either way, but I never would have married a man without first living in the same house.

Did you live together before marriage?

 

 

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Ander... Anderbee28

My husband and I lived together for a year and a half before we got married- and I'm very glad we did! I don't think you really know a person until you see them constantly, or have to share bills with them and you learn how you each manage money. I lived with another guy before as well, and that ended much the same way- badly. I have a few friends who say they "practically" live together, but even I think that's much different. I understand that people think it's more special to wait until marriage to live together, or do so for religious or personal reasons, but I do think it shatters the "newlywed" feeling earlier.

Maias... MaiasMommy619

I don't agree with you when you say the relationships last longer etc. It's statistically proven that couples that live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate then those that did not live together beforehand. I also just don't agree with it personally speaking...but to each their own I suppose.

nonmember avatar Shelly

Asking for what? A happy, stable, wonderful 7 years marriage? A great kid, who we love parenting together? Laughter every day? That's what I have, and we did not live together. We were never going to, and that was our choice. We also weren't 21 year olds rushing to get married. Actually, I KNOW more people who lived together first and struggled mightily through their first few years of marriage. I know plenty of people who lived together first and thought it would be the same, and didn't take marriage seriously. Look, half of all marriages fail. I think the majority of those people probably DID live together first. That kind of makes your point a little silly, doesn't it?

MomaL... MomaLlama

Nope, didn't live together.  Still happily married, sorry. 

vanes... vanessa5470

Nope, he was in the military and I was finishing college when we met. We did the long distance thing for a year, tons of communication, and sealed the deal a year later.


5 years later and still married.

nonmember avatar me

Never lived together married 13 yrs now

miche... micheledo

Didn't live together before getting married.  We were both 27 years old.


I would say we have a great marriage.  And it wasn't that big of a change for us - which really sounds odd.  But we are both very laid back, easy going, amiable - it was fairly easy to live with someone I plan to spend the rest of my life with.  I knew that meant making some changes in my life, but I guess my love for him and wanting to be with him made the changes no big deal (other than the sex!  That was great! :D).


It has now been 10 years and 5 children!  I am so thankful we never lived together.

LKRachel LKRachel


My husband and I didn't live together before marriage (and we married at 25/26) and it's worked out well for us.  Living together with anyone (whether it's a college roommate or your husband) takes getting used to because everyone is different.  I think without the commitment of marriage there, it's easier to say, oh he's a slob I'm getting out of here (or vice versa!) lol 


There are more important things in a relationship than figuring out the grocery list.  I think saying that you have to live together before marriage to try it out and make sure you're compatible is like saying you have to have sex with someone to make sure you're compatible.  There's plenty of steps along the way and means to figure out if you're meant to be without playing house first.


Amanda Aweh

People are so judgmental either way. Just do what makes you happy and what is right for you and your relationship.

There's definitely a case for both either way.

mande... manderspanders

I lived with my ex husband and my current husband before marriage. But only after being engaged.. And after my fist marriage ended badly (he was an abusive cheater), I didn't want to live with my husband before we got married, but did because of financial reasons. Living with a man makes them less likely to make a real committment - why buy the cow when you get the milk for free.

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