You'd think someone who is conflict and argument averse would be the first person to sign up for make-up sex. After all, it's a quick, fun way to brush issues you don't want to get upset about under the rug and smooth over tension in a warm, hazy, post-coital glow. Sure, there are plenty of people who worship at the altar of this conflict resolution technique! I just don't happen to be one of them. I just can't imagine being in the mood for sex if there are issues left unaddressed. Given that tendency, it seems like I'm on the same page as Dr. Seth Meyers, who wrote a post on Psychology Today's website recently titled, "Make-up Sex Hurts: Why & How to Avoid It."
He calls it "bad news," because it rewards bad behavior. And individuals who have make-up sex aren't doing it because they desire intimacy. Nooo. They're doing it to get "high!"
And they do that by "making up" without doing the work it usually takes to, well, legitimately resolve a conflict. In other words, make-up sex is for drama queens. Go figure.
Dr. Meyers recommends sitting with your feelings for a bit after a fight to make sure you're having sex for the right reasons. Totally! He also recommends putting the brakes on a sexual encounter during which you feel "confused, angry or sad." And while that may sound sort of extreme, I'm definitely with the guy. Why would anyone want to go through with a sexual episode wherein you're feeling any of those upsetting emotions? It's just going to leave you feeling weirded out -- if not right away, then, at least eventually. And the same problem will remain.
The bottom-line: Make-up sex does hurt -- unless you've already made up beforehand. But if you have already talked it out, and then you go for it, that's a whole different -- and yes, totally sexy -- story.
How do you feel about make-up sex?