Good Sex Should Not Have to Last All Night Long

red bullThe other day, I stumbled across an article on CNN discussing the "other male problem." It was referring to premature ejaculation (men who can't hold on longer than a minute). And while premature ejaculation (PE) is its own nightmare, the idea that women want long, pounding, all night sex sessions is simply just outdated and wrong.

Women talk. And most of what I hear from my friends and myself is that 10-15 minutes of actual intercourse is plenty. Sure, we want foreplay and romance and cuddling after, but a man who can last 10 minutes is usually right on target.

And yet if you talk to men, you get something else entirely.

They joke: "I am going to give her the best 10 minutes of her life," they might say. But behind that bravado is actual shame and feelings of inadequacy as if 10 minutes is somehow way too short.

And while obviously there are exceptions -- after all, what honeymooner or early couple doesn't love the occasional all-night sex session? -- generally speaking, 10 minutes is plenty.

We get sore! We get bored! For many women, 10 minutes is enough to hit their orgasm, so anything after that just feels a little like overkill and may result in boredom (and soreness). If you can get her to orgasm, you have done your job, good sir. You can stop now.

I know I don't speak for all women, and sure, there are likely women who like to be banged all night long. Good on them. Talk with your partner. If she is like that, then carry on. But many, many women are happy and satisfied with a 10-minute session bookended by a little foreplay and a little cuddling.

"Lasting" is lovely, but give me 10 skilled minutes most days and I am a happy and satisfied woman. I have things to do!

Besides, usually even "all night sex" had some periods of rest. Think multiple times over one time that lasts 3 hours. Our vaginas need some rest, dudes. Chafing is a very real problem.

Do you think all-night sex is overrated?


Image via M. Keefe/Flickr

sex drive, sex


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nonmember avatar Jamie

Ugh yes. I constantly tell my husband I wish he could be a one- minute man sometimes, but he takes a while. Sometimes I just want a wham bam thank you mam, you know? Maybe before we were married and didn't have kids and responsibilities lasting long was more important, but those days are over.

the4m... the4mutts

Uuh. No. Its not overrated. I am cool with 10-15 minutes durring the week. But on Friday night, I want more. Kids are gone or fast asleep from staying up late, I don't have to get up early on Saturday, you bet your ass I want at LEAST 2 hours.

That being said, I haven't gotten it for 3 years.

I have only had 1 bf that could handle my sex drive, and its NOT my SO right now.

nursemc nursemc

OMG get off me, I wanna watch Leno.

south... southernbelletx

How about 30 to 45 on most nights. weekends a little longer, especially if Ive had some wine! ;)

MsRkg MsRkg

@the4mutts...I agree completely.

During the week when we're both busy and trying to do a million things at once, 10-15 minute sessions during the day or night, is fine with me, but if we have enough time and nothing to do the next day, hell yea I want it all night long. Thankfully hubby and I have incredible sex drives and chemistry and we can keep up with each other all the time, every time. I enjoy sex with my husband wayyyyy to much to just ever be satisfied with 10-15 minute sessions as the normal for us, all night is better, thankfully he agrees with me.

linzemae linzemae

I agree that I don't need it to last. I get really sore from friction and then I just am not enjoying myself.

Flori... Floridamom96

NO. I don't understand gals who want less instead of more. Not saying there's anything wrong with it, just that I'm not like that.

nonmember avatar blh

Not that I always want it to be short, but my vagina just gets sore if were doing it for too long then its like get the hell off me.

Rebecca Peterson

Hey, I'll take what I can get. My hubby wakes up super early, and goes to bed early as well. Our sleep schedules and sex drives hardly ever match up. I'll take it if it's 5 minutes or 30. It's also never regular, but still. I'll take what I can get.

nonmember avatar Laiya

My husband is way too big for intercourse lasting more than 15 mins. That's why intimacy and foreplay should precede and follow sex. On the weekend we can do that a couple of times in a night. Of course, if it's throughout the week we don't have time for all of that so I'm 100% satisfied with my 15 mins on weeknights or weekday mornings. Either way, I orgasm pretty easily with him so I don't need an all nighter in.

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