'50 Shades of Grey' Lovers Contract Will Save You From Vanilla Sex

All the Rage 7

Fifty Shades of GreyHaven't read at least one book in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by now? Here's betting you have at least one gal pal who's talking about "trying out" some of the kinky bits from the books. But where are all the ladies drawing up their Christian Grey-style sex contracts

Ladies, you are missing out. Yes, even if you're a gal who prefers the kind of bedroom action Christian Grey calls "vanilla sex," you could do with a sex contract. Actually, you're the perfect type.


Let's lay this one out. The contract between sexy dominant Christian Grey and his submissive-to-be Anastasia Steele was all about limits. They had "soft limits," aka stuff that she'd be willing to try but wasn't so crazy about; and "hard limits," the oh-hell-no, never will I try that kind of thing.

And that's exactly the kind of thing every couple should lay out ahead of time. Not just the playful folks into BDSM. EVERY couple.

More from The Stir: Bondage 101: How to Bring '50 Shades of Grey' Into Your Bedroom

It would take two hands to count the number of women who have let it slip during one of those bear it all girl talk sessions that their guy has "tried" something in bed that they were not cool with. Usually it's some anal action, which, you know what? To each her (or his) own. These gals were not cool with him trying to make an entrance without her explicit approval. They all stopped it; there was no rape going on here.

Sadly, it all could have been prevented with some good, frank pre-sexy times talking. I'm about 90 percent sure that half of these guys didn't KNOW just how uncomfortable their ladies were with this kind of sexual activity. It should be common sense: tell your partner what you want. But too few women do. In one sex survey undertaken by Kent State University, two-thirds of the women polled said men often misinterpreted how intimate they wanted to be.

The whole reason you're doing this is because you want to enjoy yourself, and part of that is knowing you can trust your partner. But how can you trust someone who doesn't know what you want and don't want? No wonder you're having vanilla sex ... he doesn't know you'll go a little farther, and you're too afraid he'll go TOO far. Is that really the sex life you want? It doesn't sound terribly fun to me.

You don't need a lawyer to write up contracts a la Christian Grey. But a verbal contract that runs down your hard limits and your "OK, but take it slow" soft limits before you do the deed is something that improves intimacy. If you're not afraid, you can totally let go. And you know what happens when you let go, don't you?

What are your "hard limits" in bed?


Image via amazon

fifty shades of grey, erotica, sex


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butte... butterflyfreak

Honestly, my only restriction is no bodily waste in the bedroom (EWW.) My husband and I love to explore and try new things and we don't really need a "contract" as we have an open, ongoing dialogue.  I'm willing to try anything, as long as it doesn't involve shit or piss!

Jscot... Jscott1216

I don't need some "contract" for my husband to know what I am and am not willing to do in yr bedroom. I don't mind trying to new things and he asks first. Having a "contract" just makes things feel less intimate and more business. Sex in a marriage or relationship period is NOT business it's very personal and to treat it as such is kinda crummy. I know it's in the book and that's all well and good for the book. Can't wait to read it. It's sold out at every store in my area. :(

RaeAn... RaeAnne.USAF

No anal. I don't want to touch yours and I don't want you to touch mine.

Mindi Brizendine

I don't need a contract. We both discuss what we want and are willing to do during sex. Anal is disgusting. Just saying.

Jennifer Smith

As a sexual health educator, I am loving that this series is opening the minds of women and couples. People either love or hate the books themselves, but the fact is: our most important sexual organ is our brain, and open communication is an imperitve aspect of establishing and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

Indig... IndigoRose

Sex is supposed to be fun.  Here's hoping your's is, Ladies !  It's just that what defines fun is different for different people !

nonmember avatar TheGirlNextDoor

I am with butterflyfreak. Bodily waste is about the only thing off-limits. I will admit, I scoffed at Ana's moral quandary and at the contract. Before each other, neither me nor my husband had practiced BDSM besides an occasional smack on the butt. It has progressed from there- that is why I was mystified as to why Ana was so weirded out. Now I feel like an idiot. Recently my husband approached me with the practical side of BDSM. I am a strong, independent, professional woman, but I am a sub- plain and simple. When he brought that up, all of a sudden all the fears and worries Ana had came flooding over me. We are giving this a shot- and I am hoping that our marriage can become what C&A's is by the end of book 3. Fun, kinky, but with mutual respect and love. I realize a contract is just wise. If, god forbid, one of us was physically hurt by sex play, I would NOT want there to be legal repercussions. I read once- "If you are hurt, there is no one but your partner to claim it was consensual." Hear Hear...we are working on a contract that will be notarized and saved in a safety deposit box, and will be taping a short disclaimer regularly. It protects both of us- pleasure would never be worth freedom.

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