Love & Sex

The stereotypical excuse of "Honey, I have a headache"? Ha! That's the least of most ladies' issues when it comes to getting turned-on. We all have different reasons that prohibit us from making time for lovemaking, but there's one HUGE issue many women have on a recurring basis. Now, research has even proven it.

Some sexy researchers in the Netherlands had their straight female subjects check out some good old-fashioned porn. And they found that our brains are so focused on the fact that we're aroused that they start ignoring all the little details of what we're looking at. Maybe kinda like how you start defaulting to that speed-reading method you learned in grade school while reading Fifty Shades of Grey? So you can just absorb the hottest parts?

Anyway, the researchers say that our brains can be either aroused or anxious -- but not both. And the porn study shows why the more anxiety we have, the harder it is for us to get aroused -- because our brains are so distracted from getting turned-on in the first place. Makes so much sense! No wonder women with low levels of sexual desire also often happen to have high levels of anxiety.

It's not like we're anxious necessarily about the actual act of having sex with our long-term partners. But we're on edge about whatever else -- our cellulite, the kids being able to hear us, a big project at work -- and our brains are so wrapped up in that, clearly, it's difficult for it to switch gears and get hot.

The fix? We have to feel secure, safe, decompressed. It sounds so simple, but it's obviously something we underestimate the power of. And failing to address the seemingly "tiny" turn-off of anxiety = less frequent, less satisfying, or altogether nonexistent sex. That's completely unacceptable!

Also, all this science certainly makes an awesome case for using porn to get in the mood with your partner! But erotic "assistance" or not, our partners could stand to remember -- when making a case for getting it on, the first thing they must focus on is getting us to reeeeeeelax.

Have you ever felt like anxiety has gotten in the way of your sex life?