The 9 Times It's Okay to Date a Jerk

Dating a jerk can be underrated. Your friends say, “Ugh, why are you dating that guy?” Your parents fret that they are “worried” for you. Magazine articles delineate all the reasons your relationship is “unhealthy.” But as long as a guy isn’t dangerous (i.e. threatens you, gets violent, or breaks any laws) or is cruel (to you, animals, or children), there are certain times dating an average garden-variety jerk can be advantageous.

What makes a guy a jerk? Let me count the ways. Actually, you count them, since every woman has a different jerk tolerance level. But we can agree there are some basics: Someone who is unreliable, who lies, who cheats.

Don't try to change a jerk or, heaven forbid, deliberately marry him or bear his children. But jerks can come in handy. Here are 9 times it’s forgivable to (briefly!) date a jerk:

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After a bad breakup. This might sound contradictory, but after the breakup of a long-term relationship, you might need a jerk. A nice guy would rush in to take care of you in your time of woe, which keeps you from figuring out how to do it on your own. Dating a jerk when you’re at your weakest point guarantees you’ll have to figure out how to be strong -- this time, by yourself.

When you’re fighting with people. The sensitive guy might empathize when you’re battling with your friends or hating your boss. He might say, “That’s terrible, honey. You’re not being treated right.” But the jerk says, “You want me to take care-a 'dem?” You say no, cause that wouldn’t be right. But you smile anyway, knowing he’d do it.

When you’re horny. A jerk may not call you back, he may not commit, and he may not be there for you during difficult times. But he wants sex. There’s no wondering about it, negotiating over it, or trying desperately to make it happen. A jerk will take care of business -- so long as it’s that kind of business.

You don’t want a relationship. Despite what ladies' mags would have us believe, there are times a woman genuinely doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship. Maybe she’s busy with her career, or school, or the kids. Jerks can fill in the gap (so to speak!) between serious relationships.

You want to learn about men’s dark side. Have you ever really wondered what goes through a guy’s mind sometimes? Why he juggles women? Why he lies? Why he avoids? Most nice guys have been less than nice at one point or another, but rarely will they admit it. Jerks, on the other hand, are usually proud of their jerky behavior. If you don’t judge them for it, they’ll even tell you all about why they do it.

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You don’t want to argue about the garbage. Nice guys are definitely the ones you want to live with. If you’re lucky, it’s almost like living with your best friend. But let’s face it: It can suck the mystery and eroticism out of a relationship. Arguing about the garbage (or whatever) isn’t exactly conducive to wanting to try out your wildest fantasies in the bedroom.

Anger can lead to great sex. I’ve heard it over and over from women: Some of the hottest sex they’ve ever had was with the guy they liked the least. For whatever reason -- maybe anger pumps the body full of adrenaline -- hating the person you’re having sex with can be a lot of fun.

It cushions the breakup. When you inevitably come to the realization that being with a jerk isn’t going to be a long-term thing, you can break up with little of the gut-wrenching heartache that comes with splitting with someone you truly loved and respected. You might miss the jerk -- people can get attached to their kidnappers, after all -- but you won't be devastated. You’ll probably be relieved.

You want to appreciate the nice guy. After dating a jerk, that nice guy you dumped for being a bit too boring is starting to look pretty good, ain’t he? Give him a call. Maybe he’s still available.

Have you ever dated a jerk? If so, why?


Image via RoadKillTshirts/Flickr

cheating, dating, hooking up, sex, sexuality


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FourD... FourDaughtersMI

"People can get attached to their kidnappers, after all"   Hahahaha. The Stockholm Syndrome of dating.

I'm going to add that it can help you confirm your instincts. I've tried to predict the douchebag behavior of someone I know is short-term, just to see if I'm right. The more I am, the more I think I'm starting to figure things out. ;)


nonmember avatar jrd

In short, provide men who believe that women only want "bad boys" with proof?

nonmember avatar Paul

Who writes this stupid crap? I woukd definitely NOTdate a woman who thinks this way and marry?? Out of the question.

nonmember avatar HowAboutNot...

There is NO way in hell I would ever date a guy that treated me like crap for any reason. I have self respect, and someone who doesn't respect me doesn't deserve me.

And I couldn't bare to have sex with someone who treated me bad that I don't respect. I will never lower myself to that.

nonmember avatar Cal

wow thanks for this enlightening post

Now let's get this straight

Girls don t date a guy who doesn't love you - check

only get tog with a guy that's sincere not using you just for sex - check

don't date a guy who won t help around the house and doesn't know the way to a woman's heart starts with doing the dishes! - check

don t date an insincere guy when you're on the rebound he will only use you and then get rid of you the jerk!! - check

only do anything you like and throw all caution out the window when the moment is right and it s convenient for you to do so : check


what??? so it is ok for us girls to date a guy who has all the traits we love to despise in men when it happens to suit us while the rest of the time they should lie there at our feet and acknowledge the pathetic fools that they are !

this is the most stupid stupid article ever written in that it closes the door on all arguments for women owning the moral high ground while men grovel at their feet lucky that she is even considering him!

truth revealed

guys decent guys are doing girls a favour by showing understanding of their complaints because most of them want to whine and b*tch about men whatever they men do.

Good guys out there. get a good one treasure her enjoy your life and ignore what the majority of the women out there say write blog etc bc they are obviously mad

nonmember avatar emmanemone

tbh??? stop shaming people for dating who they want to date??? its not your decision??? the comment section is full of fedoras im laughing

nonmember avatar Jim

And this is the reason why girl are like toys. If anyone takes this shit seriously they are fucking stupid.

nonmember avatar Mark

"After dating a jerk, that nice guy you dumped for being a bit too boring is starting to look pretty good, ain’t he? Give him a call. Maybe he’s still available."

After dating jerks through your 20s, give one of those nice guys a call when you turn 30. Maybe he's still available.

Although if he's got any sense, he will be the jerk dating girls in their 20s, with no respect for how he was treated.

nonmember avatar James

I'd never go for these kind of women. Most of the time, the ones that do go for the "bad boys" are quite messed up in the head, don't respect themselves (and could never truly respect the man in question as she doesn't know what that means) and honestly aren't interesting in the least. It works though, because it moves the "less than" women out of my game to the D-bags, we all win! Carry yourself like a lady and you will get treated like one.

polar... polarized

James😁you sound like a jerk I know named James.

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