Marrying a Rich Man Is Nothing to Be Proud Of

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If you believe S.E. Cupp of the New York Daily News, the smartest thing Ann Romney did was not to finish her degree or work hard at raising five boys or even volunteer throughout the years. In fact, her smartest move was to "marry well." Calling it a good economic strategy (more or less), Cupp believes all women would do well to listen to Romney and to marry well themselves.

But is she right?

I am the first to agree that a woman should marry an ambitious man who is well educated and passionate about his work. Personally, I never could have been with a man who had less education than me or was less excited to go to work each day. But that doesn't mean finding a man and becoming dependent. 

Marriage should be a partnership of equals. There is no reason a well-educated and upwardly mobile woman should marry a man with no job or education. But the same is true for men. It's no badge of honor to hook yourself a rich man. That isn't an economic strategy, that is luck.

It's not that Ann Romney (or any other woman married to a wealthy man) is somehow less-than. But she is financially dependent. Without him, who would she be? Where would she be?

Women owe it to themselves to make independent financial choices that are separate from any man. Marriage, wonderful as it is, is no guarantee. Men die, they leave, they find younger women. And women fall out of love and get sick and find new men, too.

Marriage is wonderful, but it isn't always forever. The idea that we should tell our daughters or younger sisters that the smartest financial decision they can make is to marry well is just not sitting well with me.

Sure, in my marriage, I happened to choose a far less lucrative career path than my husband. He started out making two times what I made and has maintained that rate or better as long as we have been together. He is no Mitt Romney, but he brings in the bulk of our income.

Still, the three years I spent being financially dependent on him weren't fun. I hated feeling like I wasn't contributing to our household income even if I was contributing to the growth and happiness of our family in general.

Marrying well is great and lucky, but it isn't an excuse for a woman to give up and it isn't an economic strategy in itself. Marry for love to someone whose ambition and passion make you love them even more. THAT'S a love strategy I can get behind.

Do you think S.E. Cupp is right about Ann Romney?

 

Image via BU Interactive News/Flickr

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Kritika Kritika

I think you're on point. I don't want to babysit my partner - I know many women who are in miserable relationships and marriages because they're pulling all the weight and they have to treat their men like their sons. Despite my college education and the fact that I work full time, they call me golddigger, lucky, etc. because my husband is older and he makes much more than I do and with BOTH of our resources combined we live a good life. I think they're jealous because they married unambitious losers but will NEVER admit that love doesn't pay the bills - and when the bills aren't paid people get bitter and marriages tend to fail. It is possible to have both true love and a successful partner.

momof... momof030404

Wow...geee....what must you think of women like me. I married a regular guy and dont have a "career". What I HAVE is the FACT that I have raised my children in a way I want teaching them values I agree with. I have "wasted"hours and hours and days and years of time raising my children and not building my career. Kinda like Ann Romney. The left WILL NOT win this fight and they REALLY need to let it go and hope like heck it disappears into the fog of other political issues. You come off sounding full of yourself and condescending all in one. This line of thought ingratiates you to no one and only builds on the mommy wars. All in all.....a load of crap. Anne Romney did what SHE wanted in HER life for reasons only SHE knows. Some liberal pundit looking for a by line does not.

momof... momof030404

By the way....you feel that you arent contributnig "enough" since you werent contributing money? It seems like money is more important to YOU and that reflects on you.....not Anne Romney or any other women who choose to make sacrafices and realize that they ARE contributing by staying home and raising their children.

Desti... DestinyHLewis

My bad Sasha, I just reread the article. I read that first statement wrong. And for the record NO I do not agree with this windbag.

Kritika Kritika

To DestinyHLewis' point, my sister is a classic stay at home mom. You would never know from the outside looking in that she has a college education and worked for more than a decade as a top performing medical device sales rep for major hospitals - which is HARD work with constant travel, politics, etc.

nonmember avatar Brittany

Wow- "Marriage is wonderful, but it isn't always forever"???? With that kind of attitude, no wonder our country's divorce rate is so high!! Everyone should enter into their marriage with the idea that it WILL last forever. I did. I am financially dependent on my husband. I have no Plan B. My marriage IS my life's plan. God forbid, something happen to my husband, I have a college degree to fall back on with which I can provide for myself if I have to. But I'm not planning on an alternate life. There's nothing at all wrong with being dependent on your husband. I know you say, "It's not that Ann Romney (or any other woman married to a wealthy man) is somehow less-than," but then you go on to say, "But she is financially dependent. Without him, who would she be? Where would she be?" And you say that like it DOES make us less-than.

I don't agree. I may not make the same amount of money as my husband, and I may rely on him to provide for me, but I think that's what makes our marriage so strong. I am willing to fully trust and rely on him- I am not independent of him. Which means I'm fully in it for the long haul.

Where or who would I be without my husband? I have no idea, because I've never stopped to consider a life without him- I don't want to be someone separate or independent of him. And that's how a marriage should be.

the4m... the4mutts

I completely disagree.

Not all women aspire to have a career. Some women want to be a SAHM, some want no kids, etc, etc.

To say that "making something of yourself" is the best gift a woman can give herself, is just stupid. Its not a "gift" if its a burden, or if it makes you unhappy.

To each, their own, and its not up to you, me, or Ann Romeny to say what is right for anyone else

nonmember avatar blh

I agree a woman should never be solely dependant on a man but marrying rich seems like a damn good economic plan. If I had dated and gotten pregnant by a rich guy instead of a loser is be much happier and have a better life right now ha.

mustb... mustbeGRACE

What idiot would purposefully be content to wonder how to pay the bills everyday????????


I would choke a man who made me  and his kids live that way.


Stupid.

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