As everyone knows by now, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are finally getting married. We were all overjoyed by the news, of course. All except those of us who are delusional and still holding out hope for a Jennifer Aniston-Brad Pitt reunion. But did you hear? Apparently Jen is so "delighted" by her ex’s impending nuptials that she may even attend the wedding.
Yowsa. Talk about a desperate Hail Mary attempt to get your ex back, Jen! Okay, maybe I’m being cynical. Maybe Jen truly is thrilled about Brad's engagement and is just jonesing to watch the former love of her life walk down the aisle with the woman he divorced her for. Stranger things have happened. I can’t think of any stranger things, but I’m sure they’ve happened.
So if these new Brangelina/Aniston rumors come true, Jen will need some basic etiquette tips for those times you just happen to find yourself at your ex's wedding ...
Dress down. Jen shouldn’t dress too sexily. While Angelina is one of the most gorgeous women in the world, Jen has the single most rocking body in all of Hollywood. She wouldn’t want to upstage the bride. She should wear a burlap bag if possible. A loose burlap bag.
Don’t PDA with the new BF. Our girl should avoid making out with her hot new hunk, Justin Theroux. Brad and Ange have been together for seven years now and have six kids. You think that bed is seeing any action besides kids pouncing all over it? Jen shouldn’t throw her still-hot-as-a-fire-poker-and-getting-it-three-times-a-day new relationship in Brangelina’s face.
Be nice to the children –- the ones you should have had with your ex. Both Brad and Ange have said their kids are keen on them getting married, which is the main reason they're finally making it legal. So naturally the whole brood will be at the wedding. Jen, who could have had kids with Brad but didn’t and still has no children, should be sweet to them. She should not, for instance, say something like, "Hello there, Shiloh. Aren’t you a pretty girl? What a shame your mommy lets you dress like a boy." She should also avoid saying something like, "Pax, it is too cute the way you are running around the wedding with a rifle."
Do NOT get trashed at the reception. Jennifer should avoid drinking too much at the reception. We all know how excessive alcohol can lead to things getting all emotional and messy. Like if Jen had a bit too much to drink and then confronted Brangelina, slurring something like, "Cheaturr ... You two are evil ... evil cheatuuurrrs ... You suck!" On second thought, it could be really hilarious and Jen should totally do it. Hopefully the videographer will leak it to TMZ.
Don’t slow dance with the groom. Remember that drunk woman who wouldn't stop slow dancing with the groom the other week? Bad, bad form. It's perfectly acceptable for the new husband to dance with guests -- assuming he's already taken a spin or two around the room with his bride. The ex-wife? Another story. It’s fine for Brad and Jen to get down to the funky beat of Kool & The Gang’s "Celebration." But when Patsy Cline's "She’s Got You" starts playing, Jen would be wise to take a powder instead of taking Brad into her arms.
What's your advice for Jen if and when she goes to Brangelina's wedding?
Image via Getty
Pens, pencils, markers, etc.