There are some women who use their entire dating lives to figure out the kind of fellows they absolutely will not date. He can’t have this. He shouldn’t do that. He has to make X amount of money, have a certain kind of education and be at least yea tall to get any airplay. I am not one of those girls.
But nonpartisan as I am, my adventures as a single gal in the city have hipped me to some dudes who just will never make the cut. Like the guy who asked me out for lunch, then proceeded to shake me down for my views on abortion and the death penalty before he revealed that he was looking for a wife. I’m pretty sure he meant that afternoon. He was scary.
Being a single mother adds a whole other element to the process of finding Mr. Right, even finding a reasonable facsimile in Mr. Right Now. That means raising the standard even higher because, if he should be so fortunate, he may end up meeting the kid(s). That puts these duds out of the running:
The guy who approaches you but doesn’t acknowledge your children. It’s rude as all get out to walk up on two or more people and not say ‘hello’ to everyone there, and that goes for kids too—especially when they’re yours. So if a guy saunters up to talk to you and doesn't even smile down at your baby in the stroller or greet the child standing by your side, he’s already showing they’re not his priority.
The guy who talks trash about his ex or his kids’ mama. It’s always awkward when a dude offloads this massive rant about his diabolical baby mother before, of course, the light bulb pings and he realizes that I am a “baby mama” myself. Oops. And if he reaches for the dreaded B word when he’s talking about her, I know it’ll more than likely be waiting in the wings whenever I tick him off, too, so I thank him for the preview and split.
The guy who texts. He never calls. He just texts. There are very few reasons why a man could never pick up the phone and they usually sound like “girlfriend” or “wife.” Being a single mother doesn’t make me a prime candidate for the role of mistress or jumpoff. In fact, I have even less time for that kind of foolishness.
The guy who spends on sneakers and video games but doesn’t pay his bills on time. A single mother already has at least one kid on the team, and there’s no vacancy for a big ol’ grown one. A guy doesn’t have to make a lot of money, but he does need to prioritize what he has.
The guy who rants about child support. It may be high, it may be unfair, but it ultimately sounds like sour grapes when a guy goes off about shelling out money for their kid.
The guy who prides himself in being a good liar. All women should dodge this guy. If he’s perfected the art of lying to his boss, shafting his mother, and tailoring fibs for other folks, he’ll eventually wield that on you.
The guy who can’t answer simple question about his own kids. If I ask him how old his children are or when their birthdays are and he gazes upward to do a round of mental math, he probably needs to be spending more time getting to know his kids and less time playing Romeo. That’s not cute.
The guy who believes something is “a woman’s job.” It’s going to be hard to strive for greatness with Fred Flintstone by my side. If he thinks I’m the only one who can cook and clean, he’s stuck in the stone ages. I’m looking for a supportive help mate, not a knuckle-dragging Neanderthal.
The guy who doesn’t know anything about what’s going on in the world. After a day of watching cartoons or navigating the challenges of teen angst, a single mother likes to engage in grown-up conversation. A guy who can’t talk at least semi-intelligently about news, community, or politics is pretty unstimulating. There are too many issues in the world for him not to know a little somethin’ about a little somethin’.
The guy who doesn’t respect his own mother. There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that he’ll treat another woman right if he can’t do it for the woman who brought his own crazy tail into the world. Run far, run fast.
Who are your avoid-at-all-costs guys?
Image via dgray_xplane/Flickr