So you're on a first date with some guy and he's angling to get in your pants. Only problem is, you're not interested in sex with this repulsive loser of a dude.
Rather than simply say "no," which I always encourage, here are some crafty and silly ways to get out of sex.
Ask him if you can stop at the pharmacy for some cream after your date. Leave it at "some cream" unless he persists -- in which case tell him you've got crotch rot.
Scratch wildly at your crotch all through dinner. Do not attempt to be discrete about it. Make several remarks like, "Damn, my vagina itches today."
Talk about how much you want a baby. In fact, steer every conversation you have to be about babies. Example: "I'm so glad you work on Wall Street -- our baby can have great financial security with a dad like you."
Refer to yourself and your date as "Mom and Dad." Be sure to mention that you're "Mom" and "Dad" to the waitress, the busboy, the manager, and other patrons near your table.
When the server asks if you want blue cheese, say, "I can't eat blue cheese -- it's bad for the baby."
Order the most onion-laden garlicky dish on the menu. Be sure to remark that both onion and garlic give you "horrible" gas.
Every time you get up to go to the bathroom, remark that you're going to be "taking a huge crap." When you return, describe it to him -- in painful detail.
Drop a tampon from your purse every 10 or so minutes. Do not let it go unnoticed or unremarked upon. Say things like, "Oh boy, riding the cotton camel this month -- it's a doozy."
Tell him how you can't wait to meet his mother. Refer to his parents as "Mom and Dad."
Don't forget to tell and retell the story about your ex. You know, the one who "filed a restraining order" against you? It was all a misunderstanding, right?
What other silly ways can you think of to get out of sex on a first date (besides saying "no," which is always key)?
Image via djwingsia/Flickr