Crafty Ways to Get Out of Sex on a First Date

LOL 13

So you're on a first date with some guy and he's angling to get in your pants. Only problem is, you're not interested in sex with this repulsive loser of a dude.

Rather than simply say "no," which I always encourage, here are some crafty and silly ways to get out of sex.

Ask him if you can stop at the pharmacy for some cream after your date. Leave it at "some cream" unless he persists -- in which case tell him you've got crotch rot.

Scratch wildly at your crotch all through dinner. Do not attempt to be discrete about it. Make several remarks like, "Damn, my vagina itches today."

Talk about how much you want a baby. In fact, steer every conversation you have to be about babies. Example: "I'm so glad you work on Wall Street -- our baby can have great financial security with a dad like you."

Refer to yourself and your date as "Mom and Dad." Be sure to mention that you're "Mom" and "Dad" to the waitress, the busboy, the manager, and other patrons near your table.

When the server asks if you want blue cheese, say, "I can't eat blue cheese -- it's bad for the baby." 

Order the most onion-laden garlicky dish on the menu. Be sure to remark that both onion and garlic give you "horrible" gas.

Every time you get up to go to the bathroom, remark that you're going to be "taking a huge crap." When you return, describe it to him -- in painful detail. 

Drop a tampon from your purse every 10 or so minutes. Do not let it go unnoticed or unremarked upon. Say things like, "Oh boy, riding the cotton camel this month -- it's a doozy." 

Tell him how you can't wait to meet his mother. Refer to his parents as "Mom and Dad."

Don't forget to tell and retell the story about your ex. You know, the one who "filed a restraining order" against you? It was all a misunderstanding, right? 

What other silly ways can you think of to get out of sex on a first date (besides saying "no," which is always key)?

 

Image via djwingsia/Flickr 

dating, sex

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nonmember avatar Shelly

There would be no second date, if someone expected me to sleep with them on the first date.

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

Or you could just come right out and tell him that you're not a slut.

miche... micheledo

Never had to deal with that.  I never dated a guy that would have expected sex on the first date.  In fact I only dated guys that weren't looking for sex until their wedding night.


However - very funny article!!! Love to hear real stories of people who tried some of these.  :D

femal... femaleMIKE

The title of that list should be "things to do to get out of a second date".


How about "im on my period", "im having a breakout" "yeast infection again"

nonmember avatar blh

I have no problem saying no to anyone at anytime.

nonmember avatar JaneDWill

Funny as usual Aunt Becky. The cream thing is hilarious...I guess I'm a slut according to this RhondaVeggie person. I slept with this really hot guy on the first date eleven years ago, though I wouldn't encourage our children to be 'sluts' like their parents ;).

Steph... StephiCramer

Slut shaming is always a wonderful thing! Good job, RhondaVeggie!

Samal... Samallama

I think the first commenters missed the author's point that "saying no is key". 

Torra... TorranceMom

Have sex with someone on the first date? Yeah right . . .

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