Bondage 101: How to Bring '50 Shades of Grey' Into Your Bedroom

Love & Learn 12

bondageI love how the book Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James is inspiring women -- tons of moms -- to bring some kink into the bedroom ... or car, office, backyard, enchanted forest. We all need a little perversion in our lives and bondage is a great way to start. But how can you bring this kind of passion into your own sex life? First you need a willing partner, of course, plus trust between the two of you, and good communication.

Next decide who will be the dominant and who will be the submissive -- but take turns, at least in the beginning since dominating and surrendering are both extreme turn-ons. Though you may find you like doing one more than the other -- which is where your good communication comes in. Then you are going to need a safe word so your moment of pleasure doesn't go too far into What did I do?! I don't want to do that! territory.

Once you have all that out of the way, here is how to make bondage the "tie" that binds you as a couple ... and re-charges your sex life.

Get kinky with a blindfold. You don't have to buy anything special (or you can if you want). Take a silky scarf -- something soft and feels nice on the skin -- and decide to blindfold your partner or be the one being blindfolded. A blindfold can make the person who can see feel a little more uninhibited -- her partner can't see! And for the person who is blindfolded ... well, all the other senses are heightened and there is that incredible anticipation of what your partner is up to next.

More from The Stir: '50 Shades of Grey' Author Is Adorably Embarrassed by 'Mommy Porn' Success (VIDEO)

Be daring and tie up arms, legs, or both. Remember: tie up your partner with something silky. When starting out with light bondage your don't need to make big, crazy knots either. The sub should know that the tie, even if it's isn't tight, means to stay put. (Got that, sub? Good!) Plus cutting off circulation is not sexy. Some prefer handcuffs but then you have to worry about the keys, so that's up to you. Surrender is sweet -- let the dom do all the work to get you all worked up to climax. Giving up control is titillating -- being in control is just as exciting, too.

Spanking can be very sensual. Sometimes, while having sex, nearing orgasm, a light spank on the butt while still going at it is exactly what can bring you over the edge. If you haven't tried that, you should. This goes for men and women. Some light spanking, even just a few light spanks, while giving oral can be quite pleasurable. You can spank with a hand or a paddle. 

Try whips ... delicately. Whips may be best for those who love the spanking and want to make more of an "event" out of the light lashing. You can get a small whip at most sex shops and not only use it to gently whip your lover's behind, but you can tease all over by dragging, tickling almost, the tails of the whip up and down the front of your lover's body, the back ... doing this when that person is blindfolded and tied up, even following the whip with your tongue ... well, it's enough to make some have the Big O just thinking about it.

Have some naughty nipple play. Some love pinching with fingers, others want more concentration and love nipple clamps (daring!) -- but the nipples are too often a forgotten erogenous zone. When you're the dom, don't neglect the nipples -- lick, suck, pinch, tease gently with your teeth.

Express yourself. Whether you are the sub or the dom be vocal! Unless of course your dom tells you that you have to be silent (which can be very kinky fun as well). Communicating how much you like something, how you want more, More, MORE! while breathlessly moaning can bring both of you to an intense orgasm. Moan, move, squirm, breathe heavy -- however you like to express yourself, do it. It's quite sexy to moan and squirm while being all tied up. Sexy to see as well.

Have you tried light bondage? Would you? What turns you on the most?


Image via istolethetv/Flickr

erotica, sex, turn-ons, sex toys, fifty shades of grey


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

jessi... jessicasmom1

handcuffs, ticklers are as about wild I ever ran into so far in life .

Julia Knapp

This is a silly article, like most "how to bring the passion back" articles are.  It seems like so many of these articles never give any substance.  I could have thought up all these things myself without reading this article, so how did they help me?  Something useful might be like telling you where to buy rope, handcuffs or some of these bondage items and how to avoid the cheap plastic crap that so many sex toys seem to be, without spending a fortune on the "real" stuff.  Or maybe share some experiences of actually experimenting with BDSM or addressing some of the concerns people have when approaching this territory.  Instead, all this article and others like it ever seem to offer is a superficial "you can do it!" pat on the back, and then they leave out in the cold, naked and alone.

stron... strontium

we already do this stuff on a regular basis...

rande... randerson251

SInce reading the book, we've tried sex while using a blindfold and it's been really fun! :)

nonmember avatar michell

Check out a preview of an upcoming show!!

Dirk Hooper

Julia, we deal with the specifics of toys and technique regularly on The Fetish Show. You can check us out on iTunes, Stitcher, or directly at!

I'll be glad to answer any questions you or anyone else has, as well. You can contact me on Facebook or all over the internet.

Dream hard,
- Dirk Hooper

nonmember avatar Stuart

I agree with Julia's comments. This article really skirts around the key elements of a sub/Dom relationship and what it is about. I read a blog a little while ago which doesn't hide from what this about. For some it can be incredibly stimulating and for the majority a turn off. Some aspects may appeal but you will know inside yourself if this is sometng you fancy and if so read up properly about it.

nonmember avatar Zuri

Am I the only one who finds this slightly creepy?

party... partygal69

I love how this book is helping me with my direct selling romance business! - PartyGalsDiva dotcom

nonmember avatar Guest

I like this article. I think it is targeted to the average person who is reading this book and is interested in doing some of this in their existing relationship to spice things up. I don't think the point is to take a "deep dive" into bondage. There are other resources for that. Personally, I love the book and love the article. Very exciting to re-ignite a marriage.

1-10 of 12 comments 12 Last