The wedding season is upon us, folks, and some of us may or may not have dates to these blessed events where our friends and family gather to celebrate ever-lasting love, cute calligraphy, and free whiskey. That "Plus One" on the invitation can turn from a kind gesture into a mocking hate crime if you're single, but don't let going stag to a wedding scare you.
Yes, agreed, stag is a terrible word -- it sounds harsh and cold and lonely -- but it's time to take back its power. Instead of "stag" :( it's now "stag!" :)
In case my emoticons weren't convincing enough, here are 8 reasons you should be happy to go to a wedding without a date.
1. Groomsmen. They're in tuxes, they've been over-served, and at least one of them is a kick ass dancer. If you were tied down, you couldn't get busy on the temporary parquet floor with one of the wedding party's best looking dudes.
2. Ushers. If the groomsmen are all married, guarantee you an usher or two is single and ready to mingle.
3. Booze. On the one hand, you can drink as much as you want without being concerned your date will judge you, but on the other hand, you won't have anyone to get you Advil at 5 a.m. when you wake up with dry mouth and a splitting headache. Booze is a double-edged sword here for the single lady but, if played correctly, can be a terrific boon.
3a. Booze jokes. If you're stag! :) you can make awesome jokes all night about how Mr. Johnny Walker is your date, or Mr. Jack Daniels, or Mr. Stolichnaya Vodka.
4. Money saver. Going to a wedding alone means you do not have to spend a lot on a gift. Boo to the yah.
5. Robyn. The band or the DJ will most certainly play a Robyn song, and without a date, you're free to show just how much you love "Dancing on My Own" by going monkey-shit crazy when the tune comes on.
6. Natasha. No date means you can have fun with your identity. Tell strangers at the wedding that your name is Natasha, that you're of Russian decent, and that your husband, Boris, is traveling for "work." Be sure to use those air quotes to really intrigue people.
6a. Fake accents. Pretty much self-explanatory.
7. Pay-per-view. No, not porn you freaks (well, I mean, if you're into that, go for it), but movies. There's always some time to kill in the hotel before or after wedding things start up, and as a singleton, you can rent an awesome movie for $9.99 in your room and not give two farts what game is on.
8. Interrogation avoidance. Don't bring a guy to a wedding and your nosy family won't be able to ask about what happened to that nice young man you brought to so-and-so's reception. Well played, you.
Would you ever go stag! :) to a wedding?
Photo via soundfromwayout/Flickr