How NOT to Lose Yourself in a Relationship

Love & Learn 7

There you are, finally dating the awesome dude of your dreams (or just a guy you like very, very much). Suddenly, you're inseparable. You can't go anywhere without each other. Instead of taking time for yourself, you manage to spend every possible second with each other - and you like it!

It's suddenly "our" favorite movie and "our" favorite restaurant and "our" favorite hot spots. You've gone from "me" to "us." While that's a major stepping stone in a relationship, it comes with some unexpected pitfalls.

Namely, losing yourself.

Here are some slightly unexpected tips for avoiding that common relationship danger.

Do not give up on old friendships just because you have a new guy in your life. Yes, your friends may understand for a certain length of time, but after that, they may write you off. You don't want that.

Keep old traditions going. Sure, you want to spend every possible second with your new love, but those traditions like going out for Girl's Night every Saturday? Don't ditch out on that just so you can spend a few more precious hours with your new flame. Your friends matter too.

Don't give up on old hobbies just because your new guy doesn't dig them. So you knit. You crochet granny blankets. You play an embarrassingly dorky card game. So what? Keep those hobbies alive and well. They're part of what makes you YOU.

When your new dude wants to go out with his buddies? Let him. Don't give him grief. You don't want to be the sour-puss kinda girl that's all, "It's me OR your friends." He needs his space and time apart just as much as you do, so don't be all clingy or whiny about it. No one likes a whiner.

I can't stress this enough: Meet his friends. Not only will they tell you all about his bad habits and dirty secrets, but they'll think you're hot, which will help keep you from getting too immersed in the relationship, as you flirt with the hot best friend.

Make sure you don't follow him on Twitter, or friend him on Facebook. Sure, his friends might decide that you're "imaginary" or "distant" but that sure beats getting updates about everything from his lunch to his bathroom habits. Distance starts at home, people!

What are some other tips for maintaining your individuality in a great relationship?


Image via priduh/Flickr

commitment, dating, love, romance tip


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the4m... the4mutts

Great tips, except the last one. Not friending/following? That's stupid. Its the whole point of social network sites, to see what those you care about, are doing when you're not able to be there with them.

It would also do well to keep from being as clingy, if they're the type to update frequently. You'll be aware of them, without being up their asses. And just like meeting their friends, you'll find out more about them, without needing to be RIGHT THERE to intrude on "guy time"

mande... manderspanders

Don't friend him on Facebook? You can't be serious. Because women who friend their bf on Facebook must be obsessive stalkers?

Really, to maintain individuality,just take care of yourself, don't alter your priorities for a man.

Jammi... Jammie209

I was thinking the same thing. Not friending them on facebook is just weird. A lot of my friends & family make their dates & plans on it. Thats our way of communicating.

Rebecca Peterson

If I were to unfriend my hubby on FB, I'd never hear how he was doing when he's deployed! He does like one status change a month, because he's busy working or sleeping. He'll call when he can and that's not often. It's sometimes just easier to write "Everything's okay" for everyone than emailing and calling a zillion people.

easun... easunshine

Uh. My guy would not be too happy if I started flirting with his best friend. Wtf.

nonmember avatar Ashley

I think it's okay to get swept up in a new love and temporarily give up some of those things. Don't be hard on yourself if you do. Your favorite things and tradititons will ease their way back in to your life. Don't expect to be a complete individual when you intimately share a life with someone. There is a world of compromises in relationships!

Loref... Lorefield

I agree with all but the last couple. Uh, flirting with his friends? NO WAY. Not following or friending? I think that's dumb too. Hopefully once your guy knows you can see his tweets/statuses, whatever, he is smart enough not to post anything offensive. If not, what are you doing with him?

As for the rest, YES YES YES! My marriage was ruined because I lost myself. Just woke up one day and didn't even recognize the person I was or the life I had. Since then, I insist on a certain amount of alone time and friend time. You HAVE to lay ground rules, for yourself and your man.

LuvMy... LuvMyBoys09

Why in the HELL would ANYBODY suggest flirting with his friends?!?!?

Why not suggest flirting with your man like you did when you were in the honeymoon phase of your relationship???

Good grief! That was perhaps, the dumbest damn advice I've ever heard!

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