People break up and unless you met your husband or boyfriend at 12 and there was no dating prior to that, both of you will have an ex. I used to hear that the way people break up is indicative of who they are as a person. The idea being that the man who unceremoniously dumps a girlfriend via text will likely do the same to you.

But it isn't really true. Still, we can learn a lot from each other's past relationships and some of it is just how to be a better human. A woman writing to the Boston Globe advice columnist said that both she and her boyfriend are obsessed with his ex. They both hate her with a passion. And while it's normal to hate his ex, it isn't normal to have an obsession.

This sounds like an obsession. Of course, some exes ARE especially evil, but beware the man who totally hates his ex. It's a problem.

I won't pretend that every time a man is mean to a woman (or a woman is mean to a man), it means something deep and powerful. It doesn't. People date people for all sorts of bizarre reasons -- they are lonely, they are insecure, they are needing sex. So how a man treats one woman he doesn't respect isn't indicative of how he will treat one he does. Sorry. But it's the truth.

People are always looking for easy answers in love. If you are terribly hurt in one relationship, the next guy HAS to be kind of loving, right? It's karma. Well, that's wrong. Some people just get pooped on more than others, sorry to say.

But one thing that is true is that a woman (or a man) who constantly bad mouths his ex is probably not a nice guy or woman. Because the thing is, once the dust settles and the hurt of a breakup dissipates, any healthy normal person should be able to see the good that was.

He may not have been "the one," but one can at least recognize the good times, right? And if there were no good times, they can at least see something redeeming in the relationship.

Meanwhile, there is the other kind of guy. We all know him. He becomes bitter and mean, constantly bad mouthing his ex and complaining about how "crazy" she is. Women do it, too. How many women have you known who simply can't let it go and complain and complain about an ex? Too many to count?

The fact is, a positive, happy person will see the good and a negative, angry person never will. But it should set off alarm bells if you find yourself dating a  man or woman who hates his or her ex and is convinced that the breakup was 100 percent their ex's fault. It's almost never just one person's fault. But then we are normal. We know that.

Beware the person who hates their ex. Someday they may hate you.

Do you think it's normal to hate your ex?

 

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