Beware the Man Who Hates His Ex-Wife or Girlfriend

OMG 48

People break up and unless you met your husband or boyfriend at 12 and there was no dating prior to that, both of you will have an ex. I used to hear that the way people break up is indicative of who they are as a person. The idea being that the man who unceremoniously dumps a girlfriend via text will likely do the same to you.

But it isn't really true. Still, we can learn a lot from each other's past relationships and some of it is just how to be a better human. A woman writing to the Boston Globe advice columnist said that both she and her boyfriend are obsessed with his ex. They both hate her with a passion. And while it's normal to hate his ex, it isn't normal to have an obsession.

This sounds like an obsession. Of course, some exes ARE especially evil, but beware the man who totally hates his ex. It's a problem.

I won't pretend that every time a man is mean to a woman (or a woman is mean to a man), it means something deep and powerful. It doesn't. People date people for all sorts of bizarre reasons -- they are lonely, they are insecure, they are needing sex. So how a man treats one woman he doesn't respect isn't indicative of how he will treat one he does. Sorry. But it's the truth.

People are always looking for easy answers in love. If you are terribly hurt in one relationship, the next guy HAS to be kind of loving, right? It's karma. Well, that's wrong. Some people just get pooped on more than others, sorry to say.

But one thing that is true is that a woman (or a man) who constantly bad mouths his ex is probably not a nice guy or woman. Because the thing is, once the dust settles and the hurt of a breakup dissipates, any healthy normal person should be able to see the good that was.

He may not have been "the one," but one can at least recognize the good times, right? And if there were no good times, they can at least see something redeeming in the relationship.

Meanwhile, there is the other kind of guy. We all know him. He becomes bitter and mean, constantly bad mouthing his ex and complaining about how "crazy" she is. Women do it, too. How many women have you known who simply can't let it go and complain and complain about an ex? Too many to count?

The fact is, a positive, happy person will see the good and a negative, angry person never will. But it should set off alarm bells if you find yourself dating a  man or woman who hates his or her ex and is convinced that the breakup was 100 percent their ex's fault. It's almost never just one person's fault. But then we are normal. We know that.

Beware the person who hates their ex. Someday they may hate you.

Do you think it's normal to hate your ex?

 

Image via bixentro/Flickr

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femal... femaleMIKE

Sometimes its normal to hate your ex.  It depends on the indivdual.


One of my ex's used me for sex, money, car, and cell phone.  For the longest time after the break up I couldn't stop talking about how much I hated him.  It took me a little while to figure out why I couldn't let go of the anger.  I was angry with ME for letting it go on for so long.  I forgave my dumbness and moved on.  I still hate him though.

Stacey. Stacey.

I disagree. Sometimes someone gets really hurt by their ex, hence breaking up, and never sees the good in the relationship. Sometimes, there is no good at all in a relationship and thats why people break up. I think its normal to hate on your ex, and sometimes therapuetic. I dont think its good to see all the "good" that came from it, becuse that may lead to confusion and more hurt feelings down the road. I'd rather be w/ a man who knows why he didnt mesh with his ex than try to be BFFs w/ her.

Stacey. Stacey.

Now if a guy is constantly bringing up his ex, whether good or not, that is a red flag for me because it leads me to believe he is not fully over her.

Mom_t... Mom_to_Skyler

The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference.



Anybody that "hates" his/her ex is not over the relationship. Run far away.

nonmember avatar blh

I agree with the first two posters. Sometimes there is no good or the bad far outweighs the good.

nonmember avatar Blondie99

I think it is VERY telling what a man tells you about his ex. I learned this late in life and the hard way. I am on good terms with all my exes except the one I am about to mention. I want a boyfriend that is the same way. I don't mean we talk everyday or even every month, but none of them hate me and I don't hate any of them! The ex I am speaking of told me horrible things about the girl he dated before me for 6 years. He said she was insane, bipolar and really mean to him. He bad mouthed her constantly. Well turns out he's the one that is crazy, I mean mentally ill, not just a little nuts. He is in serious denial and told me that I was crazy, and all of our friends and family the same thing! I knew I was not, and I am betting the ex was not either!

nonmember avatar 1proudmomma

My financee left me via text message after I refused to end an unplanned pregnancy. He waited until I was at work, then sent me a message saying he could not be a father and was discontinuing our relationship. 4 months later he was present for the birth, had pics taken with the baby, then left and did not come back. 6 weeks after that, he announced a new relationship with a younger, childless woman. If that series of events does not speak towards his character, than I do not know what does.

I refuse to hate him however because I do not want to teach my daughter to hate. What does not kill us makes us stronger....right?

teddy... teddysmama09

my ex fiance left me in a parking lot 3 days before the wedding with no money, no home and no hope.  To say i was a little PO'd would be an understatement, but hating him and spewing venim about the cowardly little twerp wouldn't get me anywhere. so instead i picked myself up off the curb (literally),  and went on to live the life of my dreams. I found a job in Europe, traveled, learned a new language, fell in love with a man who courted me across Italy, Switzerland and Paris. I married that man and now have two beautiful children. I have nothing but gratitude for the cowardly twerp!


 

the4m... the4mutts

Idk... its food for thought.

Kasey Comingore

my fiance used to talk about his ex all the time. i understood, he had a son with her, and she hurt him (not because she was the love of his life, but because she broke up their family and made it hard to see his son).  at first it didn't bother me, but eventually it did. so i told him i didn't like it. i told him why it bothered me and how it made me feel. he stopped. we are happy, loving, and we respect eachother. just because a man hates his ex ( and he really does...) doesnt mean you should run. but everyone is different!


 

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