Jennifer Aniston Better Know What She's Doing With This Ultimatum Talk

jennifer aniston justin therouxRumor has it that Jennifer Aniston is going to leave Justin Theroux at the end of the year if they're not engaged or married. Apparently, she told a friend who told a tabloid that she's not waiting past 2012. Aside from whether or not it's true, it does raise an interesting point about ultimatums. Are they ever a good idea?

I think there are two types of ultimatums when it comes to matters of the heart -- one that's external and one that's internal. The first is when you tell your boyfriend that he better propose this year or you're gonna leave/burn his clothes/expose his weird fetishes/etc. The second is when you set your own timeline for when you'll be ready to leave/burn his clothes/expose his weird fetishes/etc. if things don't turn out as you hoped. The first kind is totally destructive, the second one is totally empowering.

Forcing someone to be with you is a bad idea. We all know that there isn't a happy marriage on Earth that started with a threat. If you want to get married, there are better ways to broach the subject than "marry me or else!"

Obviously this goes without saying, but having a straightforward conversation about your future is never a bad idea. It's hard, but it's worth it. Also, drunk rants about "where this is going" never really move things forward, no matter how clearly you think you're coming across, so make sure to communicate while sober.

Once you've laid out your wants, needs, desires, hopes, and dreams, then I think it's fair to set an end date that you won't wait past. After you've had the talk, maybe give it six months, or a year, or however long you want, but giving yourself your own ultimatum will help keep your eye on the prize. Otherwise, you may be waiting for someone or something that will never come.

What do you think about ultimatums? 

 

Photo via Pacific Coast News

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Kwiat2 Kwiat2

I told my husband that if he didn't propose by the time he deployed I was out. I had moved for him, and I'm sorry but I wasn't going to wait around for him as a girlfriend for a year in a place where I knew noone. And it's a huge emotional investment to fall for someone who is putting their life in danger. We got married a month later. I think telling him that saved us precious time batting around the bush about what we both wanted. We both wanted to get married, and so we did. I think ultimatums don't work when one person is pushing the other to do someone they don't want to. And honestly, why waste your time with someone who isn't sure if they want to be with you?

Torra... TorranceMom

If a gal has goals for marriage and kids, she has to be working off some sort of timeline, right? Communicating your goals with your partner is the logical thing to do.

Loref... Lorefield

If marriage, or any other relationship goal, has to be forced? Then it's not worth it.


Having a talk, revealing your expectations, sure. Ultimatums, no way. 


Maybe this works for some people. Possibly for those ladies I see in the forums who's husbands aren't  "allowed" to have female friends or boys night out or whatever. Ultimatums like this just make you look bitchy, controlling and emasculating. I mean, is a proposal really satisfying at all if it comes a week after you threatened to leave? Wouldn't you question his sincerity? And why would you marry someone you had considered dumping over some cake and rings?

Anne Charles Siperek

I hate it when every I have heard friends say they gave their guy an ultimatum. They always, always, end up breaking up. You just don't force people. I agree with the having a time line in your head, and if things don't work out, then bye - bye. 

nonmember avatar jen

She is fugly, as is he. He's outta here in about 4-5 months.

Amanda Jones

she's going to die alone. a bitter old woman w/ a cig hangin out of her mouth

nonmember avatar Tirian

The 2nd is "empowering"? That sort of wording is used by the weakest of women who are insecure and looking for an excuse to feel super duper. Oh gee, I set myself a time line, he didn't make it and I left...I feel so powerful. Please...please. Don't insult women. And when is it hard to have a conversation about the future with someone?? If it's hard...well duh, wrong person. Something is wrong is their acting like a 14 year old and somehow such a conversation is taboo or scary. Lastly, advice on not having a conversation while you're drunk???? Did you REALLY need to say that!??? Honestly? Did you seriously think that was part of the topic..maybe booze it up and then have a scary 'what's the future' hold for us conversation? Or play a secret game of your silent invisible timeline in which you get to feel EMPOWERED! Madam...give us all a break.

nonmember avatar Tirian

The 2nd one is "empowering"? That sort of wording is used by the weakest of women who are insecure and looking for an excuse to feel super duper. Oh gee, I set myself a time line, he didn't make it and I left...I feel so powerful. Please...please. Don't insult women. And when is it hard to have a conversation about the future with someone?? If it's hard...well duh, wrong person. Something is wrong if they're acting like a 14 year old and somehow such a conversation is taboo or scary. And why did you thrown in the "burn their clothes, expose sexual fetishes" line???? Did Jennifer say she was going to act like a spoiled breat teeange jerk the likes of which no one would ever wish to date?...or just that she didn't want to stick around if he wouldn't commit? What on earth prompted you to add those unbelievably childish lines?? Lastly, advice on not having a conversation while you're drunk???? Did you REALLY need to say that!??? Honestly? Did you seriously think that was part of the topic..maybe booze it up and then have a scary 'what's the future' hold for us conversation? Or play a secret game of your silent invisible timeline in which you get to feel EMPOWERED! If this article was written in some spoiled brats little zine which only she read and I saw it, it would make sense...but here? What on earth is wrong with you?

nonmember avatar T.Longer

Its so reassuring there are women with the mind of an adult I'm so tired of being ridiculed for talking about the selfish,immature and caddy nature of most women.Some women always a justification for this childish behavior...news flash real men will dump you.Thank you Tirian

nonmember avatar Kip Brown

Well, her latest movie was a complete bomb because she chickened out and made them pull her nude scenes out of consideration for this dope. Hope she knows what she's doing. The movie was such a dud no one even audience cam recorded it to put online! LOL

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