Monday night on The Bachelor, Kacie B. followed Bachelor Ben Flajnik to Switzerland in order to do two things. The first thing she wanted to do was "warn" Ben about the evil Courtney, but the second thing she wanted to do was find out why Ben dumped her. Yeah, she made one giant, huge, unbelievably humiliating mistake.
You never ask a man why he dumped you. Oh, I know. We all want "closure" and what not. But the fact is, "closure" is getting dumped. Period. Do you really want to know that you weren't pretty enough or smart enough or he didn't like your family?
No matter how much we sugarcoat it, a person only gets dumped for one reason: They don't like you enough to make it permanent. And yes, that is very personal.
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Flajnik, bless his heart, tried to make it easier on Kacie with some kind words: He explained that they came from "different backgrounds" and it never would have worked. She then blamed her parents. And to some extent, she is right. Her father's refusal to drink -- Ben is a winemaker! -- was clearly going to be a problem.
But it was more than that, too. Kacie was conservative in a way Ben isn't. Also: Courtney is sexier. Is that really something she needs/wants to hear?
One of the things all Bachelor girls (and women in general) do wrong is wonder if there is something wrong with them when someone breaks up with them. There isn't. Most of the time it's just a bad fit. But for Kacie, the fact is Ben was more attracted to Courtney.
Attraction isn't a statement about how every man will feel. Nor is it a value judgement on who Kacie is as a person. But it's hurtful information and driving herself crazy wondering "why" isn't going to solve the problem.
She can ask, but she won't like the answer -- "I have answers, but it doesn't make it any better," Kacie said. She is right. No woman (or man, for that matter) should ask a question they don't want answered. It will only hurt them.
Do you think people should ask "why" they were dumped?
Image via ABC
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