'Bachelor' Kacie B. Asked the Love Question No Woman Should

Monday night on The Bachelor, Kacie B. followed Bachelor Ben Flajnik to Switzerland in order to do two things. The first thing she wanted to do was "warn" Ben about the evil Courtney, but the second thing she wanted to do was find out why Ben dumped her. Yeah, she made one giant, huge, unbelievably humiliating mistake.

You never ask a man why he dumped you. Oh, I know. We all want "closure" and what not. But the fact is, "closure" is getting dumped. Period. Do you really want to know that you weren't pretty enough or smart enough or he didn't like your family?

No matter how much we sugarcoat it, a person only gets dumped for one reason: They don't like you enough to make it permanent. And yes, that is very personal.

More from The Stir: Kacie B. Doesn't Know 'WTF Happened' With 'Bachelor' Ben -- But We Do

Flajnik, bless his heart, tried to make it easier on Kacie with some kind words: He explained that they came from "different backgrounds" and it never would have worked. She then blamed her parents. And to some extent, she is right. Her father's refusal to drink -- Ben is a winemaker! -- was clearly going to be a problem.

But it was more than that, too. Kacie was conservative in a way Ben isn't. Also: Courtney is sexier. Is that really something she needs/wants to hear?

One of the things all Bachelor girls (and women in general) do wrong is wonder if there is something wrong with them when someone breaks up with them. There isn't. Most of the time it's just a bad fit. But for Kacie, the fact is Ben was more attracted to Courtney. 

Attraction isn't a statement about how every man will feel. Nor is it a value judgement on who Kacie is as a person. But it's hurtful information and driving herself crazy wondering "why" isn't going to solve the problem.

She can ask, but she won't like the answer -- "I have answers, but it doesn't make it any better," Kacie said. She is right. No woman (or man, for that matter) should ask a question they don't want answered. It will only hurt them.

Do you think people should ask "why" they were dumped?


Image via ABC

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jessi... jessicasmom1

there is a reason for everything in life , but I don't often ask why?

nonmember avatar Carrie

I think I'd want to know why... but I've never been dumped before. Guys always asked why when I dumped THEM... I think I'd go crazy not knowing. True, you don't have to give every grueling detail (I think your friend is sexier & I'm planning on hitting on her instead), but I don't see why it'd be so bad to just have them say the general direction of why: "I don't feel the spark anymore", or "I'm not ready to commit, I still want to date around", or something of the like.

nonmember avatar Solution

That dude is a goob.





nonmember avatar Ed

evil Courtney, I don't know what show your watching but Courtney is full of shit. At the very less she deals with problems in hateful and childish way.

nonmember avatar baglady

I don't think for a minute this was Kacie's idea to follow Ben. It was so scripted it was pathetic. I feel a little sorry for Kacie having to go through that. Also, I believe Ben dumped her because both her parents said they didn't believe in moving in together before marriage and Ben is ALL about that. Ben deserves Courtney! He's been warned by all the decent women, and he keeps going back for more evil. Does anyone see a little Jake and Vienna going on here?

the4m... the4mutts

I would want to know. What if it was some annoying habit that I have, that I could change so that I didn't offend/gross out/annoy the next guy with.

Sometimes it is just as simple as "its not there", but if its more, I would want to be told.

coffe... coffeeluva

In real life most men I would hope would have a discussion with the woman and tell them why it isnt working. Only on a reality show like this does the girl go home with no explanation. If a man in real life doesnt give you a reason he's very immature or just a jerk.

nonmember avatar Mon

I am all about self-improvement, so I ask. If there's something I can learn from the experience & improve my character, I will try not to make the same mistake again. Sasha, you are wrong saying a woman should never ask that question. How we learn in life, is often by making mistakes...if no one tells us, we have learned nothing. ALSO,would like to comment on your line "Courtney is sexier"...how do you figure she's sexier?!? Everyone I know thinks "Courtney is SLEAZIER".

nonmember avatar amberbamber

wah wah wah!!! Team Courtney!!! and kacie b just looked dumb going ALL the way to switz to have a 5 min conversation to hear why she got dumped. she should just stick to koolaid and baton

JoyCottle Karp Katzung Palacio

To me, knowing is always better than not knowing. I love the truth and learning from it. I love knowledge & making informed decisions. Although it was Kacie B. who brought it up, I believe Ben did let Kacie B. go in response to conversations with her parents - especially her father's request to let Kacie go ASAP if he wasn't sure he'd be proposing to her. Ben values in-law relationships. He should have openly discussed this in relation to Kacie's parents after his visit with them. She deserved to be clear on the reason he let her go. Although her guess was probably right, she shouldn't have been left wondering what else may have been reason for his decision. I don't assume Ben doesn't love Kacie B. Think he might end up with her in the end. As time goes by, he may regret letting her go, realizing it is Kacie B. who he loves most & is, factoring out her parents, the best match for him. Ben may decide a loving life with Kacie B. is worth struggling with in-law disagreements.

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