It was Billy Shakespeare who asked "What's in a name?" and women the world over have been trying to answer that question ever since. Should we take our husbands last names, or shouldn't we. For some, it's an easy of course! For other's it's an obvious aw hell no. And for those in between, it's a back and forth with the pros and cons list. The weird part about the whole this is that people have a strong opinion about what you do. They judge you for taking the name, or not taking the name, or hyphenating the name, when really, it's none of their business.
And the judging, apparently, is getting worse. A survey asked 250 college kids at a small Midwestern college what it meant if a woman kept her own name. In 1990, only 2.7 percent thought it meant she was less committed to the relationship. In 2006, that percentage had increased to 10.1 percent. Gulp.
I'm not sure what's happening here, but there are some that hypothesize that this indicates that the polarization when it comes to family and gender issues in America is actually widening. I mean, sure that's a possibility, but more generally speaking, I'm just kind of disheartened that as the years go on, we're getting more judgey about strictly personal issues than less.
Getting married, as in, who you marry, and having a baby are probably two of the most personal decisions you're afforded to make in your lifetime, and it would be nice if everyone would just leave each other alone. It doesn't matter if you keep your name, or change your name, or hyphenate your name, or create a whole new name -- what matters is that you're in love and ready to start a life together. Whichever path you choose in the name game doesn't indicate how committed you are, it's just an expression of what you thought matched with your personal ethos and convictions.
In other words, to each their own.
Hopefully when they do the survey again, say, in 2022, we'll see that 0.0 percent of the students think keeping your own name is a sign a woman's not committed to her marriage. If it goes up, then Canada, here I come.
Was it a hard decision to either take, or not take, your husband's last name?
Photo via drew and merissa/Flickr
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Comments 43
I'm not a fan of they hyphenated name. that's like you are setting yourself up for when you are divorced. Today your husband is here tomorrow he is not. I know there are professional reasons to keep your maiden name but then your kids have hyphenated names and that's just crazy. For me, call me old fashioned but I wouldn't have married my wife if she didn't take my name. Its more of a symbolic thing. She's perfectly fine with it. She wanted to get rid of her name anyway (Too many characters, mine was much shorter) . Different things work for different folks but if it were me it would have been a deal breaker. After 20 years together its worked!
It was hard for me because I have one son from a previous relationship and I want more children with my fiancee. I don't want to change my son's last name(which is my maiden name) and we didn't want our kids to have just my maiden name. We also didn't want our kids to have his name and me have just my name and I don't like the name hyphenated. So what we will do is keep my last name and add his to mine but not hyphenate it. This way my last name with match my son now and our children when DF and I have kids.
Guess I should have taken that "no new name" thing as a sign that things were not good before we even said " I do", but it sure did make the divorce transition easier.
I know couples that cover the spectrum - no change, change, hyphenate...I even know couples that blend their names (he takes her maiden as a middle, she takes his as a last)...I say "live & let live".
I feel very honored to carry my husband's last name, but I do have to say that at first I missed the power associated with my maiden name- but that was NOT a good enough reason not to change it. I changed my middle name to my maiden name, but the only time I use it is for "official" things like banking and what-not.
No, it wasn't hard. It was something I always figured I would just do. I have three brothers to carry on my family's name, so that wasn't a concern. I like sharing a last name with my husband. It's fun. :-) And I got to move from the back of the alphabet to the front! Woo hoo!
Also, I'm tired of the whole "don't judge" attitude - everyone judges everything and you wouldn't complain if the judgment were one of praise and approval.