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The Real Reason Women Want to Cuddle After Sex Is Bad News for Lazy Men

by Adriana Velez on January 23, 2012 at 5:27 PM

unmade bedTo cuddle after sex -- or to sleep, perchance to dream? That is the question researchers at the University of Michigan and Albright College in Pennsylvania asked. And they found out that when one partner falls asleep first, the lover who stays awake is left craving more bonding and affection.

Lead researcher Dan Kruger says, "The more one's partner was likely to fall asleep after sex, the stronger the desire for bonding." And it's not always the guys sawing logs right after sex and the women who want to cuddle -- the research shows men are just as likely to crave post-woo-hoo cuddling as women. But is it cuddling we want -- or satisfaction

Right after reading about this study, I couldn't help thinking about comedian Louis CK's latest concert video where he talks about cuddling after sex. He says it's something women do when their lovers are lousy. They're left lying next to the man, thinking: Is that it?!? THERE HAS TO BE MORE!!! Hence the cuddling. As Louis puts it, "If you did it right, she'll leave you alone."

Maybe it's just because I've been married since the Triassic period, but I tend to agree with Louis. "Doing it right" is a form of intimacy. It takes a lot of communication and connection. You know, bonding-type stuff. And then you both get to rest. I'm all for the post-coital roll over and snooze routine. Why? I'll leave that to your imagination. Plus I'm married to a talker so I hear all about his feelings all day long. 

But regardless, the study is food for thought. What do people really want when their partners fall asleep right after sex? Why is emotional bonding such an important part of sex for so many people, male and female? And in the movie When Harry Met Sally, is Sally right to be angry when Harry asks, "How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home?" The world may never know.

Are you a cuddler, or do you fall asleep right after sex?


Image via scarycurlgirl_photos/Flickr

Filed Under: commitment, sex, marriage, hooking up


  • Jecky...


    January 23, 2012 at 5:49 PM
    I'm def a cuddler....
  • Melis...


    January 23, 2012 at 5:52 PM

    Cuddling after sex is pretty rare with us, but that's because I have to go to the bathroom right afterward (or hello, UTI). Sometimes we'll cuddle after that. But most of the time, we both just want to go to the kitchen and get a snack. LOL

  • Geoch...
    -- Nonmember comment from


    January 23, 2012 at 5:53 PM
    I go take a shower with him after. I can't sleep when I'm all juicy and sweaty. When I'm having sex, I want it nasty. I get enough hugs all day, sometimes you just wanna bone.
  • Judyo...
    -- Nonmember comment from


    January 23, 2012 at 6:38 PM
    Not true. 1st off, sex isn't or shouldn't be the same each time. Sometimes people want to make love. Most cuddle after making love. Sometimes people want to "get one off" quickly and go to sleep. Other times people just want to have wild, nasty sex. The sex in all three scenarios is usually amazing when you're with the person you love, and with whom you're sexually compatible. Cuddling is situation dependent. It isn't a way to judge how good the sex was.
  • Bertha21


    January 23, 2012 at 6:40 PM

    I fall asleep right after lol I have never been much of a cuddler after the deed. I do sometimes but most of the time I just like to sleep.

  • Mrs....
    -- Nonmember comment from

    Mrs. Clark

    January 23, 2012 at 6:50 PM
    Frankly, I konk out after sex. I just get so sleepy that I can't help it. It seems to take. Lot out of me. Dh doesn't mind tho. If he's still awake, he will either cuddle up to me or get up and watch ESPN. Lol.
  • Grair...


    January 23, 2012 at 7:59 PM

    That depends on when we made the 'woo-hoo'.  In the afternoon?  Yeah we get a cuddle in but at night??  LOL  Most times it's a quick cuddle which is generally ended when we both fall asleep and roll over.  ; )  But we don't cuddle because we 'lack' something in our bedroom, quite the opposite.  We cuddle because we're happy and just freakin content.  There are times my 'honey'' will get in the bed with me and make absolutely no moves but snuggle up to me and fall asleep with his chin on my shoulder and his face in my hair.  It's wonderful.  :D

  • Torra...


    January 23, 2012 at 10:36 PM
    Shower, snack, TV, sleep.
  • gen791


    January 23, 2012 at 11:11 PM

    Sex (making love, or wild and nasty, even quickie!!), bathroom, snack, smoke, sleep, lol!!! (unless its the afternnon, we have a 2 yo)smile


  • CPN322


    January 24, 2012 at 12:46 PM

    I'm both. I tend to agree with you, author. There have def been times when he has more than pleased me for quite a long time so when its all said and done, I'm tired! lol, but there are def other times that I still want to be held.....while I fall asleep :)

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