A Sexual Prenup Won't Solve This Couple's Problems

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There is little to say that is romantic about a prenuptial agreement. It often seems to assume the worst about marriages and starts both parties thinking about the end well before there has even been a beginning. But sometimes they are necessary.

A couple in the UK is taking this idea a bit further, though. Rather than signing an agreement about money, this couple is signing one about sex. The man, in particular, is asking his fiance to sign an agreement saying she will have sex with him at least twice a week throughout the marriage.

The idea is ingenious and much more flattering than a prenup involving finances. This man is so attracted to his lady that he wants a lifetime of sex with her. Not bad, right?

The problem, of course, is that marriage has ups and downs. My husband and I are generally very happy and sexual, but after each baby, we went a few weeks without sex on doctor's orders and I didn't always want to (or feel obligated) to "pleasure" him as a favor. I guess with this agreement, I would?

The thing is, marriage is about more than frequency of sex. Sure, it matters, and anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves. But it isn't the be-all, end-all. If a couple has sex five times a week, they aren't happier than a couple who does it once every other week.

The point is that all couples need to be on the same page. If it's once a month or once a year or seven days a week, couples need to both be happy with the arrangement, and the fact is, an agreement like this is kind of one-sided. Is this what she wants or is she his sexual slave?

I am the first to say that women need to like sex more. We need to treat sex more as it's meant to be -- as a loving expression between to people and an integral part of marital happiness. But it isn't the only way to express love and there is no one size fits all approach even in the same couple.

There are times of sickness and health and absence and fighting and marriages go up and down. No one should feel obligated to do the nasty because of an agreement they signed in order to marry. I would think twice about even marrying this guy if I were this woman. He isn't a very long-term thinker. Clearly.

What do you think of sex agreements?


Image via Ejhogbin/Flickr

marriage, sex

6 Comments

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Felip... FelipesMom

Well if you read the woman's letter it makes more sense - it does say "except when one of us is ill or away," and it gives the background (he had two past relationships, one of them a marriage, end because the woman lost interst in sex). Still, I'd think that it would be more helpful to make a commitment to, I don't know, being open and honest about sex being GGG (Good Game and Giving), seeing a sex-positive therapist if necessary, etc etc. I mean, does he really want just the sex? Or does he want the happy, successful relationship that is the foundation of a good sex life? This prenup only addresses one level.

nonmember avatar JaneD

Am I the only one who finds this agreement humorous? Obviously sex isn't the only thing he cares about, but he wants to ensure intimacy. Nothing wrong with seeking sex INSIDE the marriage. Twice a week isn't even a lot. He could get it every day from some prostitute or smut he picked up in a bar. He wants to be intimate with his wife, and she agrees with it. I'm sure it's more about the principle than literally requiring sex in order to stay married. I doubt he'd leave her for only having sex once a week.

nonmember avatar Jess

As long as she adds a clause obligating him to provide her with "at least two orgasms per week", I don't see a problem with this. It does NOT have to be one-sided at all.

nonmember avatar jen

What do I think of them? I think they probably prevent infidelity, that's what I think.

RockP... RockPrincess212

It is humourous to me :D ...in fact, it was something my husband and I had discussed, and agreed to - to have sex at least twice a week :D ...it is a testament of how much we love each other, of how much we are committed to making this aspect of our relationship work...it is not the be-all and end-all of our relationship, but it is a significant part of keeping our marriage healthy.

nonmember avatar Rhonda

its slavery.

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