Sometimes I get tired of hearing myself say Don't touch! I am sure my husband gets annoyed, too, since it's him who is doing the touching. It's not that I don't like his touch, you see, I really do love it to the millionth degree, but there are times when he touches me in a place during a certain time that makes me want to scream.
Of course I don't scream for fear of waking up our kids who have recently decided to go on a sleep strike leaving us to rarely get any touchy feely time in anyway so I should really take it when I can get it. But I'm trying to make the best out of every touchy feely moment -- trying to make the best of this moment for everyone. So here's my list on the places a man should never touch on a woman's body along with the worst times to do it. Because I'm not saying these places should never be touched, I'm saying they shouldn't be touched in certain scenarios. Men, you need to be astute. I know, it's hard sometimes. But here's help.
1. The nipple when other things are going on with our body. Avoid nipple pinching when we're breastfeeding or about to have our periods. It just hurts ... in the bad way.
2. The leg when it hasn't been shaved and we've been meaning to shave but just didn't get around to it. We want to be smooth, but now you've gone and realized we are prickly and lazy, making us feel instantly unattractive. (Unless of course you are into that sort of thing.)
3. The vagina when it needs a bath. If you start going downtown and she pulls you back up, this is your red flag that she's not feeling so fresh. Respect it because your attempt will be futile. She probably won't enjoy it while worrying about her lady odor anyway.
4. The anus without a lubricated finger. One question will help you understand: How do you think it would feel to shove your penis in a keyhole?
5. Our hair after we just spent hours at the salon. Common sense, right? Come on, guys!
6. The face when we're oily or have a pimple. If you don't know when this is because men seem to generally be blind to these sorts of things, tell your woman you think she looks so pretty. If she acts surprised and mentions something about her skin not being right or sort of looks away to hide her face, this may be a good time to avoid face touching. Or, you know, just look to see if there is a blemish.
7. The stomach after a large meal. We really want to have a flat tummy, but it's nearly impossible most times, particularly after we just ate a cheeseburger with sweet potato French fries and had a beer. Or during a premenstrual bloat. Or when we eat anything with beans.
8. Anywhere after we have been sweating ... a lot ... and we aren't drunk. I'd say about 99 percent of the time, most women don't like a man to get all physical after we've gotten all physical at the gym. This is also true for when we have been outside heating up during those sweltering summer months. But I've found that if you add alcohol, this hang up of being touched when sweaty is gone. Same goes for all the others, too.
Of course there are always exceptions here, which makes it all the more confusing for men. Women can be hard to read and harder to please, but when you do read us and please us, everyone is satisfied. Got that, guys?
What places do you hate to be touched and in what scenarios?
Image via Rena Lombardero/Flickr
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Comments 111
5. Really? You're worried about messing up your hair? Personally i've found rolling around for a little while in the sheets with clean and blown out hair, gives me amazing bedhead, and i'll be damned that if when I look sexy coming in the house after a salon day that i'm going to turn down my husband when he wants to take to me to bed, because he thinks I look beautiful.
6. Sorry, I don't care if I have a pimple, if my husband takes my face in his hands to kiss me, and tells me I look beautiful to him, even WITH a pimple, (Which men don't notice anyway unless YOU call attention to it.) I'm not going to bat him away, because he's seeing me through different eyes then the "picking apart" ones that a woman sees herself through. I'm just going to smile, kiss him back, and say "I love you too honey."
7. Again, men don't notice or CARE about the bloat! Hell, they just think it's sexy you just had a burger and a beer with them. Flat tummy or not, if your man is with you, he thinks you're smokin hot. Whily you're busy obsessing over your belly, he's caressing you and thinking how soft and beautiful your skin is. Little pudge or not, confidence is sexy. If you're that concerned about it, turn off the lights and tell him you want to play a little blind man's bluff, or light some candles for soft focus. Or better yet, just climb on top, give him an eyeful, know he thinks your beautiful regardless, and right em cowgirl!
8. When a woman or man for that matter is sweaty, they are giving off pheremones. For some reason, nothing smells sexier to me than when my hubby has been out in the yard in the heat and he comes in. I want to jump his bones and lick the salt off his skin, maybe that's just me. But I guarantee you, that glowy, sexy, flushed skin look you have after you come in from the gym our outside in the summer is beautiful and sexy to him. My husband usually can't keep his hands off of me in the summer. If he's not worried about it, then why should you?
Honestly after reading this, it makes me wonder how many men who have affairs do so because the woman they have at home are so insecure about themselves, when they meet a confident woman out. They are struck by the difference, and then wonder "Why can't my girlfriend/wife/so feel that way about herself?" Then he starts resenting you for making HIM feel like he's doing something wrong when he touches you and you're your "rules" for sexy time.
Damn...insecure much? No wonder men cheat so much if this is what they have to deal with in order to get some horizontal time. I used to be much the same way, in regards to personal hygiene, until I discovered this little piece of info. The only people who really give a hoot if we have shaved that day, showered ten minutes earlier, have pimples, or have a bloated belly, is the women!!!! Men don't care, and 99% of them won't notice any of the above unless you point it out. Seriously, lighten up, and be happy your man wants to be in bed with you instead of going out looking for someone less hung up on superficial insecurities.
Yes, thank you!