The Places a Man Should Never Touch on a Woman's Body

113

couple kissingSometimes I get tired of hearing myself say Don't touch! I am sure my husband gets annoyed, too, since it's him who is doing the touching. It's not that I don't like his touch, you see, I really do love it to the millionth degree, but there are times when he touches me in a place during a certain time that makes me want to scream.

Of course I don't scream for fear of waking up our kids who have recently decided to go on a sleep strike leaving us to rarely get any touchy feely time in anyway so I should really take it when I can get it. But I'm trying to make the best out of every touchy feely moment -- trying to make the best of this moment for everyone. So here's my list on the places a man should never touch on a woman's body along with the worst times to do it. Because I'm not saying these places should never be touched, I'm saying they shouldn't be touched in certain scenarios. Men, you need to be astute. I know, it's hard sometimes. But here's help.

1. The nipple when other things are going on with our body. Avoid nipple pinching when we're breastfeeding or about to have our periods. It just hurts ... in the bad way.

2. The leg when it hasn't been shaved and we've been meaning to shave but just didn't get around to it. We want to be smooth, but now you've gone and realized we are prickly and lazy, making us feel instantly unattractive. (Unless of course you are into that sort of thing.)

3. The vagina when it needs a bath. If you start going downtown and she pulls you back up, this is your red flag that she's not feeling so fresh. Respect it because your attempt will be futile. She probably won't enjoy it while worrying about her lady odor anyway.

4. The anus without a lubricated finger. One question will help you understand: How do you think it would feel to shove your penis in a keyhole?

5. Our hair after we just spent hours at the salon. Common sense, right? Come on, guys!

6. The face when we're oily or have a pimple. If you don't know when this is because men seem to generally be blind to these sorts of things, tell your woman you think she looks so pretty. If she acts surprised and mentions something about her skin not being right or sort of looks away to hide her face, this may be a good time to avoid face touching. Or, you know, just look to see if there is a blemish.

7. The stomach after a large meal. We really want to have a flat tummy, but it's nearly impossible most times, particularly after we just ate a cheeseburger with sweet potato French fries and had a beer. Or during a premenstrual bloat. Or when we eat anything with beans.

8. Anywhere after we have been sweating ... a lot ... and we aren't drunk. I'd say about 99 percent of the time, most women don't like a man to get all physical after we've gotten all physical at the gym. This is also true for when we have been outside heating up during those sweltering summer months. But I've found that if you add alcohol, this hang up of being touched when sweaty is gone. Same goes for all the others, too.

Of course there are always exceptions here, which makes it all the more confusing for men. Women can be hard to read and harder to please, but when you do read us and please us, everyone is satisfied. Got that, guys?

What places do you hate to be touched and in what scenarios?

 

Image via Rena Lombardero/Flickr

love, sex, turn-offs

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nonmember avatar Alma

Preach on!!!

ericabb ericabb

#1 and #4, you can stop after the first two words.  Never in any scenario is it okay to ever touch me in either of those locations.  I'm also not a touchy-feely person in general and I can just be in certain moods (usually if I'm grouchy or overwhelmed) where I don't like being touched anywhere for any reason.

craft... craftycatVT

When I was in labor with my daughter I leaned over the bed to ride out a contraction and my husband "thought it would be cute" to reach over and give me a little spank on the butt. If I had been physically able to at that moment, I would have killed him.

lehof... lehoffman

I will snuggle, but I generally hate any rubbing, I know some people like that kind of thing but it drives me insane. I also have a little bit of a restless foot kind of thing and my boyfriend always grabs my foot to try to make it stop. I pretty much want to punch him because I'm doing it so my feet dont get that weird tingly pain and it's not anything I want to stop.

Boobo... Boobookittt74

I TOTALLY agree with #3 I am absolutely obsessive about him NOT touching or going anywhere near down there if I'm not feeling totally fresh and he can't seem to grasp this!!! I tell him oh well u should be lucky u don't have some stank ass chick who doesn't care about that cuz it's for UR benefit as well as my enjoyment cuz I wouldn't even be able to concentrate if I was worried about that!

Lucre... LucretiaMcEvil

Uh, the bung hole is always off limits. I have to have something that is just mine. I won't touch yours if you don't touch mine.

jalaz77 jalaz77

Haha!!! I sent this to my husbands iPad which he touches ALL THE TIME amongst other things! Anyone heard of a credit card swipe??? I rage! And seriously don't touch my crotch unless its 4 play and I am drunk! I feel like such a prude but am so happy I am not alone.

Madis... Madison1211

I completely agree with #1! I am 38 weeks pregnant and my nipples have gotten really sensitive again and my husband can not seem to grasp that I do not want my nipples rubbed or pinched right now.

Beej127 Beej127

LOL at Craftycat.  My dh loves to stick his hand down my top and just hold onto my breast  or just to lay his hand on my chest when he's driving. WHY? He says it relaxes him. Well it un-relaxes me so stop it! SMH


 

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