10 Things You Should Never Say to an Unmarried Woman


shhh signPeople say inappropriate things. I know words have come out of my own mouth that I wish I could magically capture and bury and reverse time so those who heard them could un-hear them. I've also been the recipient to those words, and there are words that sting but also words that hurt even deeper -- the things people think they can say to a single woman. It's those words you can expect when around your family, that aunt you haven't seen since last Christmas, from those smug marrieds ... and they can really make a person feel like a giant meteor came crashing down upon them.

So in an effort to stop those terrible things from coming out of a person's mouth, I present to you ... the 10 things you should never say to an unmarried woman. People have said all of these things to me before I got married at the apparently very old age of ... somewhere in my 30s. Let's hope the right people see this list and knock it off.

1. "Still no ring?"

While this may seem harmless, these three words are daggers. Still? No? Ring? Ouch. Plus, it's rhetorical. Of course there is no freakin' ring. If there was, it would be blinding you right now with its sparkle ... or because I punched you in the eye with it.

2. "Aren't all your friends married?"

Ooooh way to make a gal feel like the only one sitting alone during a slow dance. Perhaps many of your friends have been married, but some are even divorced ... and so what. (See also 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Divorcee.)

3. "Do you even want to get married?"

If the person who asked is married, saying something like, "Of course not. You make it look so regrettable" will shut them up. Unless of course Grandma is asking, then just smile and give her a hug.

4. "Maybe marriage just isn't for you."

When this comment sinks in, it can also be translated as "Maybe you don't deserve love. Now here's a tissue and run off."

5. "I hear Internet dating works really well for some people."

Eureka! You're a genius. Can you edumacate me on the compooter, too? Clearly I know nothing.

6. "Do you think it's because you are too picky?"

Perhaps the person who said this thinks a woman should settle. Great advice!

7. "Your time will come, don't worry."

If you hear this one, it's best to jump up and down, feign over-the-top excitement, maybe even let out a squeal and say, "Really? Do you REALLY think so! Yay!"

8. "Have you tried changing your hair/dressing different/wearing more/less makeup?"

Thanks for thinking I am ugly.

9. "You'll find 'the one' when you are not looking."

The comment should come with a blindfold.

10. "Maybe you aren't putting yourself out there enough."

Look, not everyone is in a rush to get down the aisle. And the pressure to find the right guy can sabotage the search. So shhhh ....

Have you heard any of these gems? Have any to add?


Image via MarkWallace/Flickr

commitment, dating, marriage


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

nonmember avatar Christina

I had this conversation with someone once:
Someone: Don't worry, I was older when I got married. I was 32. How old are you?
Me: 32
Someone: Oh.

Rhaps... RhapsodyG

I heard plenty of those little "pearls" of wisdom in my single days. My family marries young, so when I didn't get married until I was 28, I heard it all. Including "you need to get married and give me great-grandkids before I die" from my grandmother who is fit as a fiddle. Now my sister (who is only 23) gets all the crap. People just need to realize single people don't need to be "fixed," they just need to be valued and loved!!!

Lynette Lynette

I married at 21, still married now at 34.  I am proud to say that I never even thought to say any of these"gems" to people I know.

Shell... Shell__Beach

I've heard #9 over and over and over- SO sick of hearing it. Sure, I will find "the one" when I am at home, in my pajamas, on Cafe Mom, right? There's a reason I'm signed up on a dating site- it's because my life outside of my house consists of taking my son to school, going to appointments and going to the grocery store. I really don't think I'm going to meet "Mr. Right" at Meijer at 9am on a Wednesday (really, there are no men my age shopping at that time, I've checked).

chigi... chigirl1228

I was engaged once before this engagement. The first one was a long engagement and this one is becoming a long one. Everyone always comments how they think I should run to alter before I screw this engagement up as well. Umm how about I just enjoy this point in my life and make sure this is what I want. At least with this one I am actually starting to plan the wedding. The one before I knew in the back of my head it wasn't what I wanted so never even gave a thought about the impending wedding. I keep telling them I'm making progress lol.

Monda... MondayisFired

Why do people think there's anything wrong with being single?

I'm in a relationship and living with my partner, but the other day someone I barely knew asked me if I was engaged yet. When I said no, she asked me if I thought it was going to happen.

This is so clearly my own business, lady.

amand... amandasmomma

The one I hated was "why aren't you married yet?".

Jenni... JenniferDawyn

Ooohhh, yeah. You forgot "You aren't busy because you aren't married with a family." 

It nearly kills me when my SIL gives me dating advice.  The internet?  What a novel idea...


Samal... Samallama

Lol...I'm 42 and unmarried. I don't say "still" because I never will be. Not for me or my SO!

GlowW... GlowWorm889

I put this on another article about what not to say to a single woman, but I'll put it here, too. I heard this repeatedly while being (mostly) single through my teens and early 20's:

"You like men, right? I mean, you could be gay and not know it."

Cue me explaining that just because I'm single, doesn't mean I'm gay. After all, if I were gay, wouldn't I just date a woman instead of a man? And if I were gay and single, would you assume I was straight and that's why I'm single? So many questions! XD

1-10 of 18 comments 12 Last