Used to be that people would get married almost as a rule -- almost in the same way they'd go to school or eat three meals a day. It was just what you did. Now, not so much. A new report from the Pew Research Institute found that the marriage rate in the U.S. has dropped in a dramatic way. The overall number of married couples has declined by more than 20 percentage points since 1960, and if you wanna look at a more recent gauge, the number of couples married in 2010 dropped 5 percent from the previous year. That's kinda big.
But what I found the most interesting about this report was that 40 percent of people overall said they believe marriage is obsolete. (And 31 percent of married people agree!) And yet, at the same time, most respondents who've never been hitched (61 percent) said they'd like to do so someday. Err ... what's that all about?!
Pew researcher D'Vera Cohn spoke to the seeming paradox:
I think they may be having two ideas in their head at once: one about the institution of marriage and what its status is in society today, which is to say that it's a lot less dominant, central, or important in society, [and another about] their own wishes for their future, in which they personally would very much like to be married.
I can actually relate a lot to this. It's not that crazy to have these two beliefs at once. You can acknowledge that the institution of marriage is not as important as it used to be ... and still want to be married. Something doesn't have to be valued in a huge way by the public to be something you personally want in your life. For instance, your friends might care less about starting a book club, but that won't change the fact that you're a voracious reader! Or that other people love to read. Catch my drift?
Marriage definitely isn't what it used to be, as far as I'm concerned. What I mean is -- it won't make or break me socially (as it would have perhaps in decades past). My boyfriend and I could get along just fine living together and even having kids together without being Mr. and Mrs. But I still want to marry him. To be life partners in the most official way, to make that commitment, to have the titles and the tax situation, to be able to have kids and create our own family under my sweetie's last name. Those are aspects of marriage I value, aspects I see enjoyed by happily married friends and my parents who have been married over 35 years. And I realize I'm lucky to have those "marriage role models," if you will, in my life.
So, you know, no judgment on those who have taken a pass on saying "I do" or for whom tying the knot just didn't work out, but I personally want to wed. Public attitudes about the fate of the institution be damned!
Do you think marriage is becoming obsolete?
Image via Tony Alter/Flickr
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Comments 27
I don't think there is a problem with the institution of marriage. I think the problem is within the instituted. People's values and morals have changed drastically over the decades. So marriage is slowly becoming that long black skirt woman used to have to wear back in the day...
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years, four months. We've been living together for seven years, two months. We're happy the way we are. Do we want to get married? Of course! My idea of a dream wedding, however, is simply flying to Vegas for a weekend and getting married by Elvis. We haven't done it yet because, well, what's the rush? We're both in our early 30's, I'm just going back to school and we're expecting our first child. We're just a little too busy to worry about a wedding (and I'm not going to walk down the aisle pregnant like my mom did). I think it's all a matter of personal choice. I really get annoyed when people ask when we're going to get married, especially now that a baby is on the way. If we're happy the way we are, why do we have to get married? Just to make everyone else happy? Instead of worrying about people not getting married, let's worry about people who run out and get married only to get divorced 72 days later. People like that make a mockery of marriage. It's a very serious commitment, one that should not be take lightly. I plan on doing it only once.