It's the most wonderful time of the year, YET AGAIN! That means that every single website has sent me a list of their "holiday must-haves," which normally makes me a little sad because I can't afford a throw pillow for 80 bucks.
But since I write a sex column, I'm always left cracking up from the "sexy" things that are sent to me as gift suggestions for the holidays. Most of them are just so ... bad.
Here, take a look.
A Sexy Elf Costume. Okay, I get that you want to be all, "I'm Santa's Sexy Helper," but frankly, there's nothing sexy about dressing up like an elf. For any occasion. I'd suggest dressing like Mrs. Claus instead, but I really can't decide if that's much better.
Spanx. Don't get me wrong, thanks to my three kids, I LIVE in my Spanx. They're one of the most awesome things a woman can own. However, if I opened a present from my husband and discovered that it contained a brand-spankin' new set of Spanx, I might use it to strangle him while he sleeps. It's all, "Merry Christmas! You're chubby!"
Santa Head Vibrator. Now I love a good sex toy. I have a ridiculous amount of sex toys and I use them on a regular basis. But a Santa Head Vibrator is enough to make me want to pull up my pants, lock my underwear, and throw away the key, before I start singing, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" and begin to weep. That's not sexy, that's just scary.
Feel free to add your own in the comments! I could use some laughs!
Image via paparutzi/Flickr