The Worst Holiday Gifts You Could Possibly Get the Woman You Love


christmas ornamentIt's the most wonderful time of the year, YET AGAIN! That means that every single website has sent me a list of their "holiday must-haves," which normally makes me a little sad because I can't afford a throw pillow for 80 bucks.

But since I write a sex column, I'm always left cracking up from the "sexy" things that are sent to me as gift suggestions for the holidays. Most of them are just so ... bad.

Here, take a look.

A Sexy Elf Costume. Okay, I get that you want to be all, "I'm Santa's Sexy Helper," but frankly, there's nothing sexy about dressing up like an elf. For any occasion. I'd suggest dressing like Mrs. Claus instead, but I really can't decide if that's much better.

Spanx. Don't get me wrong, thanks to my three kids, I LIVE in my Spanx. They're one of the most awesome things a woman can own. However, if I opened a present from my husband and discovered that it contained a brand-spankin' new set of Spanx, I might use it to strangle him while he sleeps. It's all, "Merry Christmas! You're chubby!"

Santa Head Vibrator. Now I love a good sex toy. I have a ridiculous amount of sex toys and I use them on a regular basis. But a Santa Head Vibrator is enough to make me want to pull up my pants, lock my underwear, and throw away the key, before I start singing, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" and begin to weep. That's not sexy, that's just scary.

Feel free to add your own in the comments! I could use some laughs!


Image via paparutzi/Flickr

sex secret, sex toys, turn-offs


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Amy Harrison Dutcher

My husband never gets me anything. Consider yourself fortunate.

Momo77 Momo77

My husband has no clue and has me pick out what I want 

cocob... cocobeannns

I provide mine with a short list of things I'd like.

Melis... Melissa042807

The only time my husband bought me lingerie for Christmas it was so God-awful that I forbade him from doing it ever again. He sticks to flannel pajamas now, and I pick out my own lingerie. 

Griff Griffis

With all due respect, the outright bitchiness of the first four comments are why I, as a man, refer to Christmas as "Tis the Season to Feel Inadequate."  

When the gifts become some kind of beady-eyed litmus test of "How well does he know me?  Can he read my mind and know what gift he can give that will prove his love", then it's a contest that I don't want to be a part of.   


kisse... kisses5050

Griff I feel your pain..but ya know what?  I tried to be happy with whatever I got and think It is the thought that counts...then one holiday season.. I sat there  with a calendar from the show The Nanny, a plastic bottle of  cheap bubble bath i was allergic to and a pair of fuzzy socks for a six year old size foot....oh and a spatula...I realized what he must think of me... and it was that I didn't count very much...

antfa... antfarmer101

I guess I am the wierdo, because when I read these articles that say don't buy this or that, it's generally what I would want. Not THIS article...I have no desire for anything mentioned here. But a Dyson vacuum or a KitchenAid mixer or some other awesome appliance? YES!

My husband is very good about asking me what I would like and then picking from the short list. Or paying attention to the things I really need or want and just won't buy for myself and getting that for me. He's missed the mark a couple of times, but I think he learned from that lol. Now, it's stuff I really want, instead of the things he "thinks" I want

Whitn... WhitneySM

Me and my boyfriend avoid this whole disaster and just set a price limit, and give each other a list of things we want. We get each other stuff off the list and one small "surprise" gift. We used to just fully surprise each other, but we realized we both rather know we are spending money on something the other person wants and will use than something that will sit around collecting dust.


Btw, Spanx aren't that bad of a gift if your hubby/bf knows you wear them. If you don't have a pair and he gets you some then that's another story. I actually asked for some this year!

nonmember avatar KD

I also try very hard to appreciate whatever my husband gets for me but like kisses5050 I resented the fact that I would spend my time picking out the gifts for the kids, my family, my husband's family, close friends etc and then would end up with either nothing or something so off-putting that it made me feel like I didn't matter. This included the year my husband recieved a large settlement and I got him a leather jacket, the guitar he had been wanting for years and a gaming chair, a year in which I got NOTHING, my solution is that I don't expect anything and specifically request that I get nothing from my husband. Then when the 1st comes around I budget the money and shop for myself and all I ask from him is that he not call while I am out with a household or kid problem. I come home happy and relaxed after the stressful holiday season after some shopping, a movie, a cup of coffee and some silence:)

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