Having Sex Too Soon Is a Recipe for Disaster


When you're a teenager or a young adult in a relationship who has never had sex, you wait months, sometimes even years before consummating a relationship. By the time you're 30 or so, all that has changed. Those people I know who were dating when they reached that age were having sex well before the one-month mark, sometimes as early as on the first date.

As someone who never dated past the age of 23, I can't imagine how I would be now. Back then I was still waiting at least one month, if not longer. But at my current age, it's hard to imagine waiting so long.

So how long is the right amount of time to wait between when you meet someone and when you first have sex with them?

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. It's a bit of a relative question. I know people who had one-night stands that turned into marriage and people who waited years before having sex who still broke up. There is no guarantee that waiting (or not waiting) will lead to any certain outcome in a relationship.

That said, many men do still tend to feel that the sooner a woman sleeps with them, the less likely they are to want to marry her. It's easy to say, well, who wants those guys anyway, but the fact is, whether we like it or not, we do send a message when we have sex too soon and that message is this: I have done this before.

As a woman, I would feel the same about a man who wanted sex too fast as well. There is something special about sexual intercourse when you wait to have it with someone. There were men I dated for months with whom I never had sex, so when I did decide to sleep with someone, it meant something.

Sure, I was young, in my late teens and early 20s, but it's even relevant to people dating in their late 20s and 30s.

We are all sexual beings and no one is suggesting ignoring the instinct and the hormones that make you want to get down and dirty with someone. But letting them grow and flourish could never be a bad thing, right?

The quicker you sleep with someone -- man or woman -- the higher the "body count" climbs. For some, that might not matter, but for me, it did and probably would if I were still single. Somehow it feels like the more people one sleeps with, the less special it becomes.

A month seems like the bare minimum to wait to have sex and achieve that "special" feeling.

How long would you wait to have sex?


Image via ejhogbin/Flickr

dating, sex


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ashjo85 ashjo85

You misspelled "Too" in your headline. Might want to correct before the English police start jumping on you. :-)

I'm married, met my husband at 18, he was the first and last guy I ever dated. We waited about two weeks, lol. Maybe I just got lucky.

Mrscj... Mrscjones

I slept with my husband the second day. Instead of putting a number on it go with your feelings. If you want to in a month ok same day you meet no problem.

RaeAn... RaeAnne.USAF

We waited about a week. But it never made a difference to us. We waited a week to have sex and two weeks before we moved in together and we couldn't be happier.

RaeAn... RaeAnne.USAF

We waited about a week. But it never made a difference to us. We waited a week to have sex and two weeks before we moved in together and we couldn't be happier.

LikeA... LikeAVirgin

My fiancé and I totally messed around after our first date lol. It all turned out fine. I think you should just do what feels right to you and your partner.

meatb... meatball77

Sometimes you don't want that special feeling.  You just want that sexy feeling.

As long as you're mature enough to not confuse sex with love then it doesn't matter when  you have sex as long as you are ready.

jlynx0 jlynx0

My husband and I had sex the first night we met. The chemistry was insane. Just can't keep stuff like that bottled up. 

Zacks... Zacksmama82411

ha ive known my husband for 8 years, but we've only been 'together' two years... hes older and always said when you turn 21 call me... day i turned 21 i left a note on the body shops door (hes my old bosses son) he never called, because he never found it... we were supposed to go on a date when i was 23, then he had to do a tow, so when i was staying at a hotel a half an hour away 4 months later, in january, 2009, i called him at 10pm and he met me there, we drove my car around for 3 hours ooking for a 24 hour packy. we got back to the hotel at 1 and had the most amazing sex all night. then we didnt hang out again for a month (feb) lol after the next time it was 6 months (aug)before we 'hung out' again which we did consecutively until december, only being friends with benefits (and i mean going to his house at 1130, staying there then going to work the next day) in dec we finally had a weekend where he walked up to my house in a snowstorm (i lived 2 streets up) and spent the weekend at his house... we finally had an 'early night' and drank wine laughing and talking all night mid december, oi moved in christmas day and we went on our first real date in january on 2010, were now married and have a 4 month old... i wont lie i love it! we were best friends for 8 years and because of that we have the best relationship :)

TMK919 TMK919

I've been with my husband for 2 years, married for 1, have a beautiful baby boy, and our relationship started with what we both thought was a one night stand!

nonmember avatar Jamie Sheffer

My husband and I waited 2 years... on our wedding night. Haha. I know that is very rare these days. We were both virgins so it was easier for both of us. We were 19 when we started dating and 21 and 22 when we got married. We're going on 5 years of marriage and a 1 year old daughter later.

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