Groom Dies After His Wedding and Makes an Important Point to Single Women


WeddingA few days before Thanksgiving, 28-year-old Fernando Brazier married his longtime girlfriend, Trudian Hay. They had been a couple since they were teenagers and had two little ones, a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old, so it seemed right to her and their families and maybe even to a certain degree him, too, that they should go ahead and make it official.

So the pair exchanged their "I do"s in front of loved ones and celebrated what was supposed to be a new life together as husband and wife with their two beautiful babies.

It sounds pretty ideal. Except Fernando Brazier didn’t want to get married. And feeling overwhelmed and distraught over what he perceived to be a hopeless situation, he left a suicide note for his new bride at the front desk of the hotel they were staying in, put his wedding band inside of the envelope, and jumped from into the Harlem River only hours after their ceremony was over.

His sister says he’d been struggling with depression and anxiety, and a marriage he didn’t want to be in drove him over the edge. He snapped. And now his children are growing up without a father, his family is mourning their unimaginable loss, and his bride has got to be going through a kind of grief that neither you nor I can rightly wrap our minds around. For more reasons than one. I don’t even need to break it down. As a woman, you already know.

But let this be a lesson to all of the singleistas out there, all of us who are dreaming of walks down aisles and cake cuttings and happy little nuclear households. I know no one would readily admit that they’ve tried to put a dude under the gun to get married. That’s the kind of confession no one wants to really make to themselves, much less to anyone else. “Yeah, I strong-armed him into marrying me” doesn’t sound nearly as romantic as “he proposed to me.”

Sometimes it’s more subtle and subconscious, where there’s a good chance that the woman dropping the hints and making the suggestions doesn’t even realize she’s digging the screws. And sometimes guys will be sweating bullets about that impending “next step” and no one has even uttered the M word. Social convention, I guess, makes it clear that a respectable man will eventually make that his next move after a certain amount of time with a special someone.  

Brazier’s case was extreme — and deeply pitiful one — but it does make a neon bright statement: if a man is not ready to get married, no amount of pressure, whether it comes from brute force or delicate innuendo, is going to make him want to be there. If he’s not ready, he’s not ready. If he’s not into it, he’s not into it. And really, if you have to convince or cajole someone into marrying you, I’d venture to say that the relationship is probably not going to last, ring or no ring.

Sometimes we can envision how perfect life would be if only the guy we’re waiting on would catch up. (Trust me, I know plenty about that one. I waited eight years for an ex to capitalize on how fantastic I was and that aha moment just never came.) But that’s what’s in your head, not necessarily his.

My thought: if he doesn’t bring up marriage after two years and you know that’s your dream, ask once what his plans are. Once. If he doesn’t kick it into gear after that, pack your heart, your pride, and your plans for the future and head out. But, whatever you do, don’t bother dropping hints or making ultimatums. It might not end in tragedy like this but it more than likely won’t be pretty, nonetheless.

Are some women so blinded by their desire to be married that they miss major warning signs that their man isn’t into it?

Image via Eduardo Deboni/Flickr

commitment, in the news, love, marriage, weddings, dating


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

Stacey. Stacey.

I am reading this and all I can think is how much of a coward can you be that the love he had for his children was overshadowed by the love he did not have for his marriage.

Also, DAMN an article thats not about black power? is it a full moon tonite?

Stacey. Stacey.

oh, and yes to your question. Kim K perfect example. I think many women dream of what the wedding will be like instead of what the marriage will be like.

Ember... Emberbaby

This man clearly needed professional help. His sister is trying to rationalize his death by saying he was pressured and snapped. I feel it's unfair to try to blame bride or family for his death. Why didn't his sister get him help if she knew he was so depressed. I am sure his sister wouldn't like to be blamed for her brother's death for lack of action.

jaxmadre jaxmadre

The term "died" in the title is misleading. And I don't think it's the bride's fault he killed himself, as is being insinuated. This would have been more effective had the blogger kept it down the "pay attention to your partner" path rather spinning it towards "Ladies lay off -- you're driving your men to commit suicide for your drive down the aisle" direction.

This is a terribly sad story. Depression is a painful illness that effects more than just the depressed. Incites an important discussion, especially in the winter/Holiday season when depression is more likely to affect those vulnerable. How about a blog on recognizing the indicators of suicide, and how you can help your loved ones when they're depressed?

It isn't right to point blame at those left behind in cases such as this, when someone decides to take their own life. Hindsight is 20/20. It's easy for us to say coulda woulda shoulda, but it doesn't bring the deceased back to life. I'm sure his wife is suffering enough.

cocob... cocobeannns

Yes! I know a few of these women personally. Take note ladies. When your man says he doesn't want to get married, not now or ever; thats what he means. Staying with him in the hopes of changing him and his mind is a big sign of desperation.

Melis... Melissa042807

Wait, so they had been together something like ten-plus years, had two kids, he stayed in the relationship that long and then killed himself because he "didn't want to get married"? 

There's more to this story. There was somethin' else going on in that man's head. 

I have a friend who wanted her boyfriend to propose in time for her to have the wedding on a certain date. When he hinted to her that she could start looking at wedding stuff, but hadn't proposed yet, she booked a church. He stood up to her and they're engaged now and planning the wedding together

jlynx0 jlynx0

Yeah, I agee with Melissa042807. There is more to this story. I'm not buying that he left a woman he was with for ten years, and his two small children just because of a marriage. No way.

zandh... zandhmom2

I find it horrible that this article is in any way placing blame on his wife b/c she wanted to get married. First off, do we know that she hounded, begged,pleaded and forced him to marry her or maybe she just assumed after 10 years and 2 kids, they should get married and they planned it together. This guy obviously had some mental health issues but I found it horrible that he did this to her on the wedding night.

nonmember avatar HS

This story is a horrible example for u to use to preach to single women. What if outwardly he was excited about the wedding but he struggled with it inwardly. His wife may have not even known he didn't want to go through with the wedding. It's possible he made it seem everything was great. It's unfair (and downright mean) to imply this WIDOW coerced her husband into marriage. Please find a different example to use to prove your point. Very poor taste.

nonmember avatar HS

And PS, I don't take r'ship advice from women who can't maintain their own r'ships.

1-10 of 143 comments 12345 Last