The Best Places to Hide Your Sex Toys


bedroomI'm a pretty big fan of sex toys, if I'm being honest (and I'm ALWAYS honest with you). I have more than I probably should, because there's no love like self-love, and well, I like variety. However, with a mess of sex toys (AND a mess of kids), I have trouble finding places to store them where the small ones won't come find them.

But I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Here are the best places I've found to hide sex toys. Just please don't tell my kids!

1. In a locked bedside table drawer. That way, the toy is always within reach whenever you're feeling the itch to get down and dirty. If your kids get curious about it (mine have), just let them know that even adults are allowed to have secrets. It teaches them a great lesson about privacy and reminds them that you are, in fact, a person too.

2. Shoe boxes. There's almost no reason that my kids are going to go rooting through my shoe boxes. I mean, in the occasional instance in which they need one to make a diorama, I can find them one, but otherwise? BO-RING! It's less convenient than the bedside table, which just means that you have to plan ahead. Not the end of the world.

3. In a coat pocket in your closet. Okay, so this one might be a stretch if you have a sex toy collection like I do, but again, there's very little reason that anyone has any call to go into my closet and wear one of my bazillion coats. It's sort of like hiding them in plain sight. Just make sure you take it out before wearing the coat. Or not.

4. A lock-box. I keep meaning to pick up one of those cheap lock-boxes from the store, but they make lock-boxes in all sizes. Which means I can hide my substantial stash all together in one place.

5. Tupperware. I'm not talking about one of those clear ones, but one of the big ones. Maybe you can throw the sex toys in the bottom of your out-of-season-clothes. That's another place no one would want to look (read: boring!) and should be fairly easy-access for you.

So, where do YOU hide your sex toys? Maybe I can learn something new!


Image via athomebedroom/Flickr

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nonmember avatar Unknown

Oh my! This is so disgusting, and you're proud of it? Where is going this world? I can't believe you're writing this on a mom website! Ewwww! Gross!

Samal... Samallama

Some people are mean :(

Of course you're allowed to have sex toys, and it's just that, a mom website, kids aren't reading it. 

I don't have kids so I don't have to worry too much about hiding them, just out of reach of the nosey guests going in my bedroom to use the bathroom. 

Stacey. Stacey.

The places you think are "boring" would only be boring for another adult. A child on a tresaure hunt, not so much. Especially if they are old enough to stay home alone (which I was at 10).

nonmember avatar Cee

This is a MOM website, not a child's website. Moms are still women who have sex, don't pretend you know nothing about that subject. How else did you have children?

Meme525 Meme525

My god, grow up how old are you, sex is a part of life. Ewwww my foot. You go Aunt Becky enjoy it while you can. Oh by the way to Ewwww. Your a mom because you had sex. LOL

Jenni... JenniferDawyn

I bought some lock boxes and LOVE them!  I outgrew my small one, so I've got a big box.  The small one is now just for accessories.

fraoch fraoch

We keep ours in the gun cabinet and the key to the lock is on each of our keychains so they're always with us. Cabinet is in our room in a closet.

nonmember avatar Molly

I snooped through all of those spots when I was a kid, scrounging for spare change. A coat pocket, really? That was the first place I checked. Sorry, not so great hiding spots, might wanna go back to the drawing board...

Rocke... RockerMommy21

We have under the bed bins filled with out of season clothes. One, on my side has my husbands electronics packages (who knows why he saves them) and my porn and sex toys. Easy to reach for me, and the kids have no interest.

Lucre... LucretiaMcEvil

You could hide it in your bum-bum.

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