Morning radio, it seems as a rule, is really bad, which is just one reason I'm thrilled I don't have to be subjected to it during an a.m. commute these days. But when I went on a couple of errands today, I tuned in while the DJs were talking about ditching a bad date. As in, actually getting up in the middle of drinks, dinner, movies, or bowling, making some BS excuse (like "I have to take a phone call real quick" or "Just going to the ladies' room!") and then ... booking it. The conversation totally hit a nerve for me, because it's something I really wish I had been ballsy enough to do several years ago.
You see, I had made a conscious decision to find Mr. Right, so I pretty much devoted myself to a full-time second job, in which my sole responsibility was to date like crazy. (Which meant I was subject to meeting LOADS of crazies!)
During the first month of living in NYC, one guy I met online started sending me looong, sweet, but seemingly normal emails. Being the writer that I am, I was impressed with this. I was also intrigued when he told me he was in "sports marketing." Cool, he's driven, I thought. I decided we should probably go out on a date ASAP ... a lesson I had learned from spending too long getting excited about emails when there was obviously a real person behind them who needed to be met and chemistry with said person that needed to be evaluated.
My first big mistake here: Not taking the time to talk to this guy on the phone first. We made our date plans via email, and the first time I heard his voice was when he called to tell me he was on his way to the subway to meet me. And you know how you can get the vibe of someone's personality over the phone? Yeah, well, the sense I got was that this guy was a creep. Dun dun daaaah.
Turned out his voice matched his entire demeanor to a tee. In our first few moments at the dark and now totally awkward "sexy" cocktail bar I chose for our date, I knew off the bat that I wasn't into him at all. Somehow, it got worse. He told me more about his "sports marketing" job ... he sold peanuts at one of the local baseball stadiums. Um. WHAT?! I'm not being a snob, but come on -- that's NOT sports marketing. I felt super-duped, and he was getting sketchier by the second. I was honestly very uncomfortable around the guy, but when I excused myself to use the ladies' room ... I actually went to the restroom, and I returned to the table, even though I was wildly fantasizing about making a run for it. But I didn't. And I let him get as far as footsteps from my apartment (I managed to orchestrate a goodbye at the door of a different building, so he wouldn't know exactly where I lived).
I now strongly believe if I had to do it all over again, I would have DITCHED that bad date! As in, gone to the bathroom and NEVER COME BACK. Obviously, not every bad date calls for leaving the schmo with the bill -- something some might describe as spineless. Maybe the more appropriate move in some cases is to tell the person something like, "Eh, I'm sorry, but this isn't going to work out," or even just saying you have to go meet a friend or walk a dog or wash your hair, ha. But there are certain circumstances -- especially for women -- when it is definitely smart to just get the heck out of dodge! In fact, after what I've been through, I would highly recommend it.
Have you or have you ever wished you had ditched someone mid-bad date?
Image via Steve Snodgrass/Flickr
This Hot Dad Wants to Do Your Ironing
This Hot Dad Wants to Cook You Dinner
This Hot Dad Cooks AND Does the Dishes
Kanye West is Gay?! 
Comments 8
Funny and true story of how my husband and I meet:
Meet online, made plans to meet, I wasn't feeling it and I ditched him on our first date! I used the "I have to use the restroom" excuse and I went home. He called me a few times that night and into the next day! I started feeling kind of bad because he sounded legitimately worried, I called him back to let him know that I was fine, he talked me into going on another date with him and the rest is history. We were married 8 months later, been married for over 6 years. I figured if a guy tried that hard even after I DITCHED HIM he must be a keeper ;)
I understand in some cases it would be nice to "respectfully end the date" but in others sometimes it is best to just leave! There are a lot of crazies out there and you don't want one following you home. And usually if you are ending a date in the middle of it, its for a reason. In my case I just had a bad gut feeling about my now husband, let's just say he didn't make the best first impression. Had I not meet him online I might have stuck around and ended the date differently, but for all I knew he could have been some psycho.
I always had a contingency plan when going out with a guy for the first time. One of my girlfriends would call about 30 minutes in. Giving me an easy escape. It was always easy to say oh no my roomie is locked out or that there was a freezer problem in my lab and escape relatively unscathed.
I never had to. Should've, but definitely didn't. I wish just being honest was easier. Saying that "this just isn't going to work out" turns out to be fairly difficult. I think I did find a bit of a loophole though. I signed onto BlendAbout (http://www.blendabout.com/) and they organize dinners with other people for me. Key word, people. Not just one person. That helps a lot because then there are other people to talk to if you don't like one. And if you do like someone, then you can jus call them.
If a date is bad, then by all means, leave. But at least have the decency to tell the person you're leaving. Ditching them in the manner you describe in this column is cowardly and cruel. Be respectful and say "I'm sorry (insert person's name here), but I don't think this is working out. I'm going to end the date early." If you can't be considerate enough to do that much, then you shouldn't be dating at all.