This may come as a shock and I'm not sure the world can handle this, but I'm about to disclose something really private about what I am thankful for on this Thanksgiving. Ready? Well okay. I used to date younger guys. Like much younger. And also just a little bit younger. But younger. Until of course I met and married a one-year-older guy who turned into a fantastical husband and father to our two kidlets.
It was really hard to even find a guy my own age who was single in NYC, so a sorta kinda cougar I was. I was looking for love, people! In all the young places. So when I did find him, you know, THE ONE, and we clicked, I was really thankful he wasn't Ashton Kutcher.
Not that Ashton Kutcher asked me to marry him or anything.
Not that I ever even dated or met Ashton Kutcher. But I have dated plenty of guys like him.
You know, young, tall, handsome, great sense of humor, boyish yet manly, and has a great job. Okay, the great job part is debatable.
Let's review the some fun facts about Kutcher (besides being younger) that could also describe some of the guys I have dated:
- He's an ex-model. (Been there.)
- An Aquarius. (Done that.)
- Was a wrestler in high school. (Guilty.)
- Dated a girl named Brittany. (Have been jealous of a girl with this name.)
- Was in a fraternity. (*Hangs head in shame.*)
Mostly I am glad I didn't marry an Ashton Kutcher because then maybe I would also be divorcing an Ashton Kutcher. Oh no, I am not saying I am a Demi Moore (dang, she is beautiful) -- I'm far from Demi-quality (I'm like a demi-Demi maybe), but now that this whole divorce is really happening, it has me questioning the older woman/younger man match. The cougar success rate isn't looking good. Not that women shouldn't go with it if it's what they feel (or like feeling, because yeah, younger men feel nice). But like this one younger guy I dated once told me "I'm in it to win it" (I was, he wasn't), I didn't want to enter into a serious relationship unless I felt it was going to go the distance.
And sometimes (sometimes, I said) younger guys just aren't ready. (Especially if you live in NYC like I do.) And going 'the distance' to me means ups and downs, in the bedroom and out, kids and tears and happiness and understanding and compassion and passion and rocking chairs with grey hairs falling out along with our teeth, but still having gummy kisses and still thinking the other one is the most amazing person they ever met. Ever.
The little bitty problem with going the distance with a hot young stud means that when the amazing cougar woman turns 70, the incredible younger man is a mere 54. You know who is 54 years old right now? Daniel Day Lewis. Spike Lee. Matt Lauer. You know who is 70 right now? Regis' wife Joy Philbin. Martha Stewart. Faye Dunaway.
Imagine Daniel Day Lewis making love to Joy Philbin. (Sorry I just put you through that. Ack! Where is the erase button?)
Does the big age gap work? It sure can. And when love and relationships work for anyone at any age, it's a beautiful thing. But I just happen to think it's harder when the age gap is that large, and it only gets harder with age.
Still, if you're a believer, you can't choose who you fall in love with, no matter the age. And cougar love can certainly last. But for me? I'm so thankful that my hub's year of birth is close to mine. It's working for us.
I wish Demi (and even Ashton I guess) move on without too much heartache. Divorce sucks.
Do you have success (or failures) with a large age gap romance?
Image via cliff1066/Flickr
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Comments 11
I make up the chronologically-challenged half of one that's workin' out just peachy. :o)
My fiance is only 20. We've already had our first child, live together, share finances, etc, etc. It's not about the age diffference, it's about the man.
babyanderson: No offense, but at 16, wouldn't that be statuory rape? Just asking.
Anywho, I would NEVER, ever date a younger guy - as in more than 2 years younger. I like my men a bit older, thanks.
My hubby and I are 16 yrs apart. He's the elder and we are going at it great!
I dated a much younger guy for 7 year. Needless to say, we ended up like Ashton and Demi.
I agree that it can work for some, however, what I have found to be the hardest thing is where each person is in their life. For example you could have someone that is older that has "been there done that", but someone younger is in that faze of wanting to do those things the older person has already been through. Another one is family versus career, which can be a big obstacle.. the list goes on actually. These things can make it very difficult in the long run in regard to age. That least from my personal experience they can.
For me personally, I feel we drug it out longer than we should have...but I say live and learn. It's what has made me stronger and really know what I want in my life. Needless to say, my cougar days are over. I think for myself, it's safe to stay closer to my own age.